Sundrenched World
by coldplaywhore
Summary: Edward & Bella meet unexpectedly and turn each other's worlds upside down. However, self destruction and a lack of self confidence threaten to ruin it all. Rated M for lemons and bad language. AH
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_I can't get to bed  
But I'm really tired  
The things in my head  
You used to admire  
In your sundrenched world_

_-Sundrenched World by Joshua Radin_

As I pulled on my oversized winter boots, I couldn't help the wistful sigh that fell from my downturned mouth. I looked over to my opened closet and glared at my favorite Birkenstock sandals that sat alone in the corner, about to be unused for several months. Chicago was enjoying its first official snowstorm of the year and unfortunately for me, it wasn't epic enough to warrant the closure of the school. So, once my boots were on, jeans tucked into them to make me look like a five year old child, I grabbed my oversized winter jacket and slipped it on, followed by my backpack before I picked up my guitar case and reluctantly opened my apartment door.

"Bella, did you call your teacher to confirm that class is still a go?" called Alice, my feisty and slightly annoying roommate, as she walked out of the bathroom looking impeccable even though she had only been in it for five minutes. She had a talent, that was for sure, but it was frustrating to spend twenty minutes in there and still look like a hideous mess, when she barely tried and looked like a fucking model.

"Yeah, I called. Professor Davis and he informed me that class was still on. Then he proceeded to rant about overzealous college students who call him at the drop of a snowflake to check if he is still teaching. I have a feeling that even if we get six feet of snow dumped on us in an hour, that asshole would still make us go just to prove a point," I stated with a roll of my eyes as Alice simply giggled at me in response.

"He sounds like a complete douche. I'm sorry I made you call the son of a bitch, Bella. Mrs. White cancelled my afternoon class and emailed us all to let us know. Although, I think she takes a bike to class, which in my opinion is simply asinine in Chicago…" Alice continued to ramble on for a moment about bicycle safety as I lifted my hand and attempted to silence her, which was an extremely difficult task on the best days.

"Alice, as much as I want to hear about the guy from Florida who cracked his skull open because he wasn't wearing a helmet and was texting while riding his Schwinn, if you don't let me go, I will be late for Davis' class and then all hell will break loose." Alice nodded in response before waving to me happily and practically skipping off to her bedroom, still mumbling on about helmet laws in other states, as I left our small but comfortable two bedroom apartment.

I walked down the slippery snow covered front steps of our building, cursing our building management for never thinking ahead, and letting out a frustrated sigh as I trudged off towards class. Professor Davis was truly an ass of epic proportions, but he was a talented musician and a revered professor. I knew I was lucky to have gotten into his class because he limited his class size, so I decided not to bitch and moan about the situation and accept that in the grand scheme of things this class was an opportunity for me, not a setback.

When I got to school twenty minutes later, my hair was soaking wet and literally covered in snow, so I brushed it away with my knitted mittens and braided it loosely on either side of my head as I waited for class to start. Of course, as I expected only half of the students showed up and Professor Davis looked pretty frustrated at the situation. "Well, thanks to those of you who showed up. How about we have a pop quiz during next class about everything we learned here today, just to piss off those who didn't show?" Davis said with a sly laugh as I chuckled under my breath, not wanting him to see that I found the situation humorous. I knew there was a bonus to showing up today, even if it was a major pain in the ass.

I spent the next hour and a half listening to Professor Davis drone on about my least favorite subject, music history, and when I peered out the window, I couldn't help but notice that it was snowing harder than when I first arrived. I tried to ignore the weather as I typed notes furiously on my Mac, since this was one of my worst subjects and I desperately needed a good grade.

By the time class was over, I was feeling relieved that I had shown up but nervous about heading home since the weather had turned worse than I had initially expected. "Isabella, can you stay behind for a moment. I'd like to talk to you about something important," called Davis, sounding extremely formal, as I nodded my head nervously and watched with envy as my classmates made their way out of class. I didn't know what the hell was going on, but as I approached his desk at the front of the class, I felt a little like a lamb being led off to slaughter.

"I heard you playing in one of the music rooms last week," he said, dropping the formal act as the last student left the classroom and he motioned down to my guitar case. I fidgeted my fingers nervously around the handle of the case as I waited for him to say something else. Professor Davis was a rather daunting man in his late thirties, tall with wavy blonde hair and an arrogant air about him. If this class wasn't so important to me, I would have transferred out in my first week back in September because he intimidated me _that _much. "You have a wonderful talent and I think you would be an excellent addition to the guitar ensemble. Did you try out when auditions were held last month?"

I opened my mouth in surprise at his suggestion and appreciation of my abilities. "Um no… I didn't because I have to be employed to afford tuition here, so I accepted a job that didn't allow me any sort of flexibility to audition." I mentally scoffed at myself because I had actually accepted the first job I had been offered because money was _that _tight. I was a waitress at a nearby Denny's, but it was better than nothing in my opinion.

"What are you doing next Tuesday afternoon… after my class?"

"Umm… nothing until five o'clock. Then I have to work," I explained nervously as Davis moved over to his desk and yanked his briefcase up from the floor.

"A talent like yours Isabella should be nurtured as much as possible. I can get you a job here in the music department in your spare time which will help with tuition, if you are willing. You would have to quit your current job, but this position would work around your guitar ensemble schedule, because you have an appointment next week to try out. Of course, since I am the faculty advisor, you are a shoo in for a seat." He jotted a few things down in his iPhone and then scribbled some notes on a piece of paper before shoving it towards me. "Go see Mrs. Cope down in the Music Department office. They have been looking for help there to clean up the mess left behind by last year's student employee. It's not much, but it's better… right?"

"Oh yes… much better Professor Davis," I replied enthusiastically as I withheld the urge to hug him. Something told me that he didn't hug… anyone. He motioned towards the door for me to leave and I grabbed my coat, backpack and guitar case and headed out the door, feeling forever indebted to a man who barely knew me for literally giving me the chance of a lifetime. However, I already knew that working in the Music Department would be ten times better than my shitty waitressing job, so I literally sprinted down the empty hallway in a rush to see Mrs. Cope.

When I opened the door, she was sitting behind the first desk and smiling from ear to ear, the nameplate on her desk signaling that I had found the right person. "Professor Davis sent me to see you," I said nervously as she literally began bouncing in her seat from excitement.

"You must be Isabella. I'll make this brief because honestly, it's snowing like a son of a bitch and I want to head home," she said bluntly, as she spoke in a very loud voice and then followed it up with a huge laugh. I was caught so off guard by her personality I simply sat still in my chair looking at her anxiously. "Do you know the alphabet?"

"Um… excuse me?" I asked as my mouth fell open in shock at her rather absurd question. This was officially the weirdest day on record. However instead of responding to my question, Mrs. Cope just quirked an eye brow and began fiddling her thumbs, waiting for me to answer. "Yes, I know my alphabet. A all the way to Z."

"Good, you're hired. You start on Monday. Come see me after your last class and we will set up a schedule. If Professor Davis vouches for you, then you must be a good egg," she laughed as she grabbed her long puffy winter jacket off a coat rack behind her and slipped her arms in with ease. "Now, I suggest you pick your jaw up off the floor and make your way home young lady. The weather is getting as nasty as my old Uncle Mort on a three day bender."

"Um ok… Uncle Mort… bender," I stammered as she continued to laugh at me, her eyes lit up and her cheeks rosy red, which reminded me of my Gran, god rest her soul. "Is that seriously it? I know my alphabet and you hire me? Isn't there some sort of rigorous screening progress or maybe drug testing?"

"Do you do drugs?" she asked me with one salt & pepper eyebrow quirked in curiosity, as I withheld the urge to laugh at her expression.

"No."

"Good… then go home Isabella. You don't want to be snowed in at Northwestern, there's nothing to do but learn," she laughed and the grasped for her purse before holding the door open for me, signaling for me to leave. I reached for all my things and stumbled out into the hallway, no doubt looking like a hot mess. "See you on Monday, bright eyed and bushy tailed."

I wandered down the hallway, carrying all my belongings and looking a bit like a hobo as I struggled to lug everything. Thank god, I didn't cross another soul before I walked into my favorite rehearsal room. There was one picture window on the left hand side of the room and when I looked out, seeing the view of the parking lot, there were tons of cars stuck in the snow. I had to walk home in this shit, and there was no way that was going to happen, so I tossed my coat into the corner and grabbed my composition book out of my backpack and grabbed my guitar case. I got comfortable in my favorite chair on the far side of the room, and kept an eye on the weather as I worked on my next song. However, inspiration failed me… until I heard his voice.

"Holy hell, there is life in this building after all," laughed the smooth voice of a rather gruff looking boy who took my breath away. From a distance I could clearly see that he had a disastrous mess of reddish brown hair, dark looking eyes and five o'clock shadow that I wished I could rub my hand over and feel as the roughness brushed against my soft skin. "Why aren't you getting a ride on the Zamboni parked outside?"

"What the hell is a Zamboni?" I questioned as he leaned against the door jamb and ran his fingers through his hair, making the mess even worse and ten times more appealing. He was wearing a pair of very worn in dark wash jeans and a dark blue hoodie, his coat draped over his shoulder casually.

"It's one of those big ass machines that clean the ice during a hockey game," he explained as I looked him, my face no doubt filled with pure confusion. However he just looked handsome, rugged and a bit amused. "Ah never mind. You should really be getting out you know."

"I could say the same to you," I replied casually as he strolled into the room, the door closing with a loud click behind him as he sat across from me on the floor and pulled a joint from his pocket. "Are you insane by the way… smoking up on campus?"

"Sorry to burst you bubble Pippi Longstocking, but you and I are the only two people in this building," he said as he lit it with ease and look a long drag, looking around the room to appraise his surroundings. "Where the hell am I anyways?"

"You're in Music Room C in the Harper Building. If you don't know where you are… why the hell are you here?" I asked him as he leaned back on the floor carelessly, one hand stretched behind him, as he propped himself up. I almost expected him to fall over, but he kept perfect balance as he continued to smoke with his free hand. When I looked back towards his gaze, waiting for him to answer, I realized I was almost paralyzed under his stare. He really was even more handsome up close.

"I had class in Burham Hall across the way and well, if I am being perfectly honest with you… this building tends to have cuter girls, so I often wander over here when I'm done with Boring 101 or whatever the fuck class I was in," he laughed genuinely as his eyes didn't remove themselves from mine. "I can see I wasn't wrong about the pretty girls in this building."

I blushed a dozen shades of pink because I knew there was no way he could be talking about anyone else, but I didn't believe a word he said. My hair was a horrid mess, I needed to gain a good fifteen pounds because everyone said I was way too skinny for my height and my blush was my worst feature. It gave away every single emotion I had; I knew I wasn't cute or pretty. He probably just hungry and wanted one of my granola bars that I had packed just in case of an emergency. I scribbled down a few notes in my composition notebook and decided I would try to ignore him as best as I could. However, this would prove not to be easy.

"Play something," he said as he took another long drag, inhaling the smoke that swirled around him with a comfortable ease as he motioned towards my acoustic guitar which was resting on my lap, my fingers drumming nervously against it. "You know any Zeppelin or Pink Floyd?"

"Are you seriously sitting in front of me asking me to play Zeppelin as you get high? Are you going to break out a lava lamp or some psychedelic velvet pictures in a minute, just to further prove that I am currently in the Twilight Zone?" I queried as he just burst into laughter and began actually smacking his knee he thought I was being so funny. "Let me guess… in a past life you used to follow the Dead around in a beat up VW van with unicorns painted on the side?"

"I'm Edward," he said as he wiped the tears from his eyes and reached his hand out to me, the small bit of his spliff left hanging from his mouth in the sexiest way possible. What the hell was wrong with me? I never once found pot smoking slackers attractive before. My usual type was more straight laced and uninteresting, which was perhaps a reason why I was finding Edward so appealing right now, even though he was a bit of an arrogant ass.

"I'm annoyed. Are you just gonna sit here and bother me? Don't you have a tunnel to dig back to your apartment?" I asked as I looked out the window again, irritated by the fact that the snow wasn't letting up at all. It was going to be a long afternoon and I suddenly regretted refusing the ride home I had been offered by Eric in my Music History class earlier in the day. Then again, that would have probably led to him asking me out… again, and me turning him down as painlessly as possible.

"Well annoyed… yes, yes I am. So… do you know any 'D'yer Maker' or 'Tangerine'? What about 'Houses of the Holy' or 'Going to California'? I need something to relax me. Unless you want to give me a blow job… that works too!" he said with a smug wink and I pretended to gag myself with my finger, implying that I found the concept vomit inducing. Of course Edward just laughed it off again. "Can't blame a guy for trying right?"

"Whatever," I said with a nervous scoff as I positioned my guitar on my lap and began playing a few chords aimlessly, searching for some sort of groove so I could write something… anything. "You can stay, just leave me alone."

"Where's the fun in that, Annoying?" he asked with a crooked grin that made me sigh under my breath. Jesus Bella, now you were sighing over this guy?

"Oh stop with the annoying shit. My name is Bella alright?"

"I figured you would give in soon enough, although that was rather quick if I do say so myself. I must be getting better at aggravating people. So… what do you play… and don't be a smart ass and say the guitar. I mean what kind of music."

"A little bit of everything if I am being honest with you. Yes, I know how to play Zeppelin; my dad is a huge fan actually and encouraged me all the time. I can even do some CCR, Floyd, U2.... the list is endless. I prefer to be a little less excitable in my own music though. I write and compose my own stuff which is more like umm… Amos Lee, Tristan Prettyman, or Rilo Kiley I suppose… mellow and fun," I explained as Edward rubbed on the back of his neck before letting out a deep breath.

"I'm gonna be honest with you annoying… I mean Bella," he said with a wink as I groaned at the whole confident attitude that he had going on. "I have no idea who any of those singers or people are. Do they duet with Eminem?"

"No."

"Yeah, then I'm screwed. So… play something for me and I can tell you if I like it or have heard it before," Edward said as I let out an exasperated sigh and took a moment to tune my guitar as I tried to think of a song to play. I played the first few chords of 'I've Got a Woman' by Zeppelin and Edward's eyes lit up in joy as he leaned back , both of his palms resting flat against the floor and closed his eyes, his head moving from side to side as he smiled happily. I couldn't help but wonder how much he had to smoke as he began tapping his fingers against his leg in time with my guitar playing and it reminded me a lot of my dad Charlie, and how he used to react when I played for him.

When I finished the song, I was surprised by the response that greeted me from Edward. "You are really fucking good. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Yeah… I may have heard that before," I said as I blushed at his compliment, which for some reason seemed to mean more from him than it had from my professor less than an hour ago.

"Your blush is really cute too."

"Oh… thanks."

"No need to thank me, I should be thanking you. I haven't seen anything that lovely in a while," Edward explained as I quirked my eye brow at him, not sure if I believed a single word he said. "So… you can play Zeppelin. Show me what else you got."

This is how the next two hours in the rehearsal room went. I would play songs for Edward, and as we waited for one of us to come up with the next song for me to play, which varied from Pink Floyd, Bob Marley, Aerosmith and even Norah Jones, we would talk about the most asinine things. He told me about his abnormal love of microwaving things, including carrots, hamburgers and even a plastic doll once, just to see what would happen. I, in turn, told him a bit about Alice and her rather spastic personality, admitting that I liked staying in the music room after classes were finished for the day simply to avoid her back at our apartment. We got along rather well, our conversation flowing easily which disturbed me a bit because in all seriousness, he was a complete stranger who interrupted me from composing and playing. However, after a few hours with him, I felt like we were old friends.

When I stretched my fingers after finishing a rather shabby cover of 'Fix You' by Coldplay, Edward and I both looked out the window at the same time and were surprised to see that the snow had finally stopped. "I guess we should get going huh?" I mumbled quietly as Edward glanced at me before looking back out the window. I wasn't quite sure, because I wasn't good at detecting people's emotions from their face, but Edward may have looked disappointed.

"Yeah, I have to go dust off my snowshoes and head back home to Anchorage. I know my dog sled is out there somewhere waiting for me. Does the school valet dog sleds?" he asked with an anxious laugh as I began gathering up my things, his eyes watching me intently the entire time. "Do you have a car… like… do you need help digging it out or something?"

"Nope. No car. I only live a few blocks away, so I walked here this morning. I wasn't exactly expecting such a monumental snowfall," I admitted as I shut the clasps on my guitar case and rested it against the seat I was sitting on. When I looked over at Edward, his fingers were raking through his unkempt mess of hair and he was sticking his tongue out nervously between his lips, which was kind of endearing. "I'll be fine. I'm not too worried."

"If you insist," he said as he tugged his coat on and pulled the hood of his sweater up over the collar of his coat. "Well this was certainly an interesting afternoon," he stammered and I thought it was even cuter that he was nervous. However, he had no reason what so ever to be nervous around me. Who was I to be making him uneasy? I was no one, that's who.

I zipped up my coat and headed out into the hallway, my backpack resting comfortably on my shoulders and my guitar case grasped firmly in my tiny fingers. Of course Edward was right behind me, following my every step as I headed towards the main door of the building. When I looked outside, I groaned because there was a fair bit of snow piled up against the door, so Edward and I had to push against it together to get it to open at all.

"Thanks for keeping me preoccupied. It was fun," I said as I tried to break the tension between us and I leaned up to kiss his cheek before pulling his hood back over his freakishly sexy hair and took my first step out the door. "You should stay warm. You don't want to be sick and miss Boring 101.

"Maybe I will see you again?"

"Maybe."

That night when I finally got home, my toes were practically frozen together and I was exhausted. The walk home had taken twice as long as when I first headed to school, and it didn't help matters that I couldn't get Edward off of my mind. So, after a quick dinner of Macaroni & Cheese and some casual TV watching with Alice, I headed into my room and began to write; the words and melody practically flowing effortlessly from me as I thought about my afternoon and Edward. I had never felt such ease before in composing anything, and I had to smile a little bit, because I knew this was all because of him; the annoyingly beautiful stoner who had kept me company during the snowstorm.

**A/N: Love it? Hate it? Wondering what kind of drugs I took when I wrote this? Yeah… me too! Anywhoo, huge thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 and my awesome pre-readers Risbee and Flightlessbird11 who encourage my habit a little more than they should. Thank god I'm not a heroin addict huh?**

**Just so you know, this will be a SHORT story. I actually outlined the thing and it's only 12 chapters long. Possibly 13 if I decide to do an epilogue. All the lyrics mentioned in this story belong to Joshua Radin, not me sadly. If you don't listen to his music (which is a shock since I mention him in a lot of my stories including American Girl and Cabin Fever) you should at least listen to the two I will reference with this story.**

**Now hit that little green button and show me some love, cause I love all of you guys!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_It couldn't be worse  
Don't bother asking  
And here comes the nerves  
While I'm trying to bask  
In your sundrenched world_

_-Sundrenched World by Joshua Radin_

The weekend passed at a snails' pace, which aggravated me to no end. I spent most of my time holed up in my closet sized bedroom playing my guitar and composing new songs, which provided a nice distraction from my constant thoughts of Edward that circled around in my mind since the moment I had gotten home from school late on Friday afternoon.

The snow had ended while I was with Edward, and thankfully for me and my state of mind, it didn't snow again all weekend, the strong sun melting most of it before nighttime on Sunday. I was relieved that the roads and sidewalks would be somewhat clear as I headed to school on Monday morning even though it was expected to be bitterly cold, but I was also bubbling with excitement at the prospect of seeing Edward again. Unfortunately for me, Alice could also sense my enthusiasm at the possibility of seeing Edward as we sat in front of the TV, eating pizza for dinner with her new boyfriend, Jasper, on Sunday night. Of course she didn't know why I was wound up in the first place, but seemed bound and determined to find out.

I looked over at them and smiled, a little envious of their relationship if I was being perfectly honest. I watched as Alice casually took a tiny bite of the vegetarian pizza that Jazz had brought with him when he showed up unannounced at our door. They had been dating for a few weeks, but were already perfectly in sync with each other since it was just five minutes before he arrived that Alice was stating how much she would love some pizza for dinner, but we couldn't afford it. He was a welcome surprise to say the least.

"Do you guys want to watch a movie?" I questioned, as the episode of 'Friends' we had been watching came to an end and the news was about to come on, which I really didn't care to watch.

"Did you have anything in mind?" Jasper asked as I shrugged my shoulders and tried to think of what movies I had in my room that I had brought with me from Forks. Almost Famous, A Hard Day's Night and my extensive Harry Potter collection, that was it. Nothing I wanted to watch tonight though.

"I got nothing. What about you Alice? You must have something other than Confessions of a Shopaholic and Legally Blonde right?" I said with a small giggle as Jasper turned and looked at Alice with an expression of surprise clear on her face. What did he think a fashion major owned… Schindler's List?

"I think we should do something else," she stated as I looked at her with a quirked eye brow, unsure of what was going through her head. Then again, I don't think a mind reader would have been able to accurately figure out what was going on her brain.

"Like what?" asked Jasper with a full mouth of pizza as he glanced over at Alice again, almost as curious as me.

"Let's talk. So… what's been going on with you Bella? You've been a little off since Friday night," commented Alice casually.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned as I slipped my slice of pepperoni pizza on my paper plate and looked at her with concern. Was she really able to tell something was up? It's not like I had spent that much time with her over the past few days, but that wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary for us. After all, Alice wasn't like the best friend I had brought to Chicago with me from Forks or something. She was the girl who advertised that she needed a roommate and I moved in. We were friends by circumstance really.

"I mean… I know we've only been roommates for a few weeks, but I'd like to think that I can read people really well and you just seem out of sorts. You have hardly left your room all weekend with the exception of eating and showering," she announced as Jasper patted me on the shoulder, like a good friend, even though this was the second time I had met him.

"Alice is just worried about you," he offered as I took a small tentative bite of my pizza. "Is everything alright?"

"Is this like some sort of intervention?" I laughed through clenched teeth as Alice shook her head slowly from side to side in the negative. "I promise you guys that I am fine alright? I just happened across some inspiration lately and have been working on some new songs. Most students hole up in the library and write their essays and reports, but I have the pleasure of sitting down and composing music. So please don't worry. This is what I do."

Alice tried to act like everything was alright and took a big sip from her glass of the Diet Coke, which Jasper had brought in addition to the pizza. Once she had a moment to think, she came back with the question I was dreading. "So… who or what inspired you then? I'm kinda curious, because it's everything from the world around me that inspires me when I design," she stated quizzically as I let out a small groan. I could certainly appreciate the fact that Alice was studying fashion design, both of us creative individuals in our own right. However, right at this moment, I didn't know how to answer her question. I knew I couldn't tell her about Edward, but I also I couldn't shrug it off because she could always tell when I was lying.

"Being stuck in the school on Friday during the snow storm just reminded me of life back home," I said, thinking quickly as she nodded her head in response and took another bite of her pizza.

"So… what about life back home?"

"Seriously… are you gonna quiz me about my need to compose? I don't ask you about your insane need to go down to Sammie's Fabrics every other day and check out their new shipments of silks, satins and god knows what else," I stammered, feeling flustered and somewhat angry. I didn't need to justify my urge to write to her, and I wished she would simply understand.

"It's all good Bella," sighed Jasper as he held up his hands in defeat. "We know composing is important for you. I think Alice is just worried. However, it's clear you are a big girl with a good head on your shoulders, so we're going to trust you. Right Alice?"

"Fine. No more being concerned about your well being," said Alice with a small huff as I finished off my slice of pizza and grabbed another. Even though Alice seemed to relent, I could tell this wasn't over for her. I ended up deciding to go back into my bedroom instead of hanging out with them, claiming I wanted to give them some space, but simply needing some of my own.

~*~*~

On early Monday afternoon, after my music theory class, I headed over to Lisa's Café to get myself something for lunch, since I didn't want to leave campus. It was both the best and closest café to my afternoon class, so I decided to grab something quickly before heading off to my next class. I scanned the menu, having already memorized their daily specials and decided to order a small container of Italian Wedding soup and a tuna melt. However, as I stood in line, I couldn't fight the feeling of being watched. I looked around absentmindedly and didn't see anyone I knew, so I simply stepped ahead and placed my order.

As I waited at the side of the counter for my order, I finally noticed Edward sitting at a table less than twenty feet away from me. I raised my hand when I saw him look up, hoping to get his attention, but he turned his face to the side and completely ignored me, choosing instead to talk to the two girls and one guy at his table. What the fuck was that all about?

I couldn't help the ache that filled my heart at the fact that Edward had basically shunned me. I knew we weren't exactly best friends, but you would think being stuck in a music room with someone for a few hours while getting to know them might have meant he could wave back. Seriously, was it too much to ask for a wave or even a small smile?

One of the girls at the table with him looked up and noticed me staring at him and tapped his shoulder, as though she was going to call me out for looking, so I turned back towards the counter and waited for my lunch, my appetite now completely gone. When I looked back, she had narrowed her eyes at me, so I pretended to continue looking around the room, as though I was looking for someone I knew. I couldn't help but realize that she looked jealous and angry at me even though I hadn't done anything. Then it hit me… he had a girlfriend. The blonde definitely looked like girlfriend material. She reached over and touched his arm as I turned back to the counter to hear the guy preparing the food call out my name, much to my relief.

I grabbed my bag tightly in my hands and when I looked back towards Edward, the blonde bitch was touching his arm again and he looked up, his eyes seemed almost sad. What the hell was going on here? Not only was I worried about how Edward basically ignored me, but I was flustered with these feelings of jealousy that were boiling beneath the surface. I had no reason to be jealous of the blonde because Edward and I were nothing to each other but casual acquaintances, but I couldn't help it. I also couldn't stop the feeling of hurt at the fact that he hadn't even acknowledged me, even though we made eye contact. "Are you alright miss?" asked the server as I held my bag firmly between my shaking hands and nodded my head.

"I'm fine," I said quietly as I pushed my way through the throngs of people standing in line for their lunch and practically sprinted to my class, arriving thirty minutes early and attempting, although half heartedly, to enjoy my lunch in complete silence. As expected, I couldn't get the situation at the café out of my head. Was he ashamed to be seen with me or even admit to knowing me? I knew I wasn't the prettiest girl in that place, but he could have waved. Seriously… a fucking wave? Hell even a head nod or some sort of acknowledge of my presence would have been nice. I couldn't even warrant a wave after he claimed he wanted to see me again. Jesus, I was so fucking naïve.

I went through the motions of class and when everything was said and done, I went over to see Mrs. Cope in the music office. Unfortunately, she wasn't as prepared for me as she claimed she had been and she asked me to come back on Wednesday to start working. I sighed in aggravation and wrote down my cell number, asking her to call me if anything changed and then I headed over to my favorite rehearsal room to try and take out some of this frustration on my guitar. I was shocked as hell when I walked into the room and found Edward sitting in my favorite chair, staring out the window aimlessly.

"Get out," I said forcefully as I stood frozen in place, my knuckles turning white under the pressure I exerted while holding my guitar case. "You shouldn't be in here. It's for music students."

"I'm switching majors," he said with a nervous laugh and I withheld the urge to step forward to slap the smug grin off his face.

"Whatever, just get out. I need to practice."

"And I need to talk to you."

"I don't think there is anything you need to say that I actually want to hear, so let's just make this easier on both of us and you can leave now."

"You are so fucking stubborn," Edward declared as he stood up from my chair and stalked towards me. Now that I was getting a good look at him, I could see that he had shaved his face and I had to admit, I was a little disappointed. The scruff he had going on last week had suited him and now he looked more like a scared boy than the confident man I had met three days ago. Of course, his eyes were bloodshot proving once again that he had been smoking up at some point recently. "Will you please listen to me?"

"Will you tell me why you acted like I didn't exist today? I know you saw me." My voice cracked, showcasing just how scared I was, and I was shocked when Edward stopped a few feet from me, sensing my hesitance.

"Can I take you out for coffee?"

"That isn't explaining anything Edward," I replied caustically as he ran his fingers through his hair and I bit down on my bottom lip. We were certainly quiet the pair; neither of us getting right to the point.

"I'll explain over coffee."

"No. You can explain now. If your reason is good enough, I'll consider going for coffee with you."

"Fuck, fine," he cursed as I moved over towards my comfortable seat, and he took a seat on the floor, much like last Friday. "I don't want to share you."

"What the hell kind of explanation is that? You just sound like a fucking child who doesn't want to share his Winnie the Pooh phone or some shit like that," I stammered angrily as I interrupted him. He was frustrating me beyond belief, but his eyes seemed so soulful and honest that I decided to shut up and listen to him. "Sorry… go on."

"You are… fuck; I don't know how to say this without coming off like a complete jerk. Okay, so you are like this brand new thing in my life, right… and I don't want to share it with my friends because they will make assumptions about you and me… and I just… I like having you to myself. I like knowing I made you smile or that something I did made you bite your lip. It's nice." Edward let out a sigh of relief once the words had left his mouth, as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Sadly for him, it didn't make what he had done right. He had ignored my existence and it made my self esteem ten times worse than normal. Hell, on a good day I was teetering on the brink of depression but after today he was simply making it worse.

"I don't think…"

"Don't think. Just go on instinct. Say the first thing that comes out of your mouth," he said, his voice practically begging for me to reconsider his request. Was it even a date? Fuck, coffee was never a date.

"The first thing? You are a fucking idiot. That is the first thing that I can think of," I admitted ruefully as Edward looked down and began staring at his feet that were clad in a ratty pair of old Vans. "You couldn't have waved?"

"I never claimed to be the smartest person," Edward began as I scoffed loudly at him and his head lifted up. "Okay, I deserved that, but seriously… it's just coffee. I won't do anything to it. What do you say?"

This was going to be my worst decision ever made, but I did it anyways. I had questions that I wanted answers to and if I had to go out in public with this idiot, I would do it. "Fine. When?"

"What are you doing right now?" he asked quickly, his eyes pleading and looking so sad, empty even. My heart went out to him and I gave up trying to distance myself from him. There was just something about Edward looking broken that did me in.

"I'm going to get coffee with you," I said quietly as Edward's eyes lit up in a way I hadn't seen since Friday when we were chatting happily about music. "Do you want to go to Starbucks? Einstein's Bros? I think they are both open and are pretty close by."

"Do you trust me?" he asked with a smug grin as he quirked an eye brow at me and I reluctantly nodded my head. I had no reason to trust him, but the look in his eye made me feel different, like he was being genuine. Edward enthusiastically jumped up from his spot on the floor, his entire body radiating excitement as he grabbed my backpack from beside me, easing it over his shoulder. "This thing is kinda heavy ya know."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious. I can carry my own bag, so give it back," I stated angrily as I grabbed my guitar case in one hand and reached out for my backpack with the other. Edward deftly moved out of the way and I stumbled slightly, tripping over my own feet as Edward reached out and grabbed me before I hit the ground. My backpack was about to slip from his shoulder and I grabbed it, screeching loudly as Edward made sure I was standing up again before covering his ears in surprise. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me being clumsy because you refused to give me my backpack. If you had dropped that thing you would have owed me a new fucking laptop," I yelled as Edward looked at me with wide eyes before bursting out laughing.

"Come on Guitar Girl… we have some coffee to go get," he stated as he shook his head from side to side before he reached his hand out and I took it anxiously, our hands clasping together in a friendly gesture, not an intimate one. We walked out of the building and towards the parking lot, my free arm wrapping around my body to keep the cold away since I hadn't had a moment to do up my jacket before we left the music room.

I followed Edward across the half empty campus, and noticed his eyes darting around us to see if he recognized anyone. I couldn't help the feeling that hit me that even though he wanted to be my friend, he still didn't want to be seen with me. As we moved closer to an ancient looking Volvo, the only car parked in this section of the parking lot, I decided to ask him during coffee what the hell was running through his head.

"This is umm… my car. I know it's nothing special, but it runs," he said as he released my hand from his and gestured towards the dark green car and I simply nodded my head in acceptance.

"At least you have a car here," I said stoically as he opened the passenger door for me and slid my guitar onto the back seat as I climbed in, pushing the mess on the floor with my feet, so I could get somewhat comfortable. Edward ran around to the other side of the car and turned down his CD player before turning on the car. We sat in silence for a few minutes as we let the car heat up, both of us rubbing our hands over the air vent to get warm. "I have a classic pickup truck back at my parents' house in Washington."

"State or City?"

"State."

"I've never been to either actually," he laughed nervously as he looked behind us and checked his mirrors before peeling way too quickly out of the parking lot, considering the ground was a little icy. I held onto the handle above the door as Edward glanced over and noticed my trepidation, so he slowed down. "I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"And I know that how?"

"I just told you. Have a little faith in me, Bella."

"Why did you hold my hand as we left the music room?" I asked as we turned onto East Chicago Ave and headed away from the school. Edward kept his hands glued to the steering wheel and waited patiently until we reached the next stop light before finally answering.

"I didn't want you to go away," he admitted tentatively as he reached his hand over and rested it on top of mine. It was like a tiny bolt of electricity shot through me at the small exchange, but I reveled in it. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. "I just had a vision of me getting you outside of that room and you running like the wind because no matter what you said, you didn't actually trust me. I know I was an idiot and I have to earn your trust, but if you had run, I would never get the chance."

I extended my free hand over and placed it softly on top of Edwards', my heart literally skipping a beat as he looked at me with the most gorgeous half assed smile I had ever seen. "Lights green," I said in reply as Edward looked up and returned his focus to the road. We sat quietly for the rest of the ride, our hands resting on each others, and after almost ten minutes I couldn't help but notice that we were quiet far away from campus.

"Do you know where you are going?" I questioned as Edward smirked beside me and patted my hand, which was still holding his.

"Yes, I know where I am going. Sometimes you have to go out of your way to get the things you want," he stated genuinely as I put my head back against the head rest and closed my eyes, deciding to trust him. For now anyways.

When I opened my eyes again, we were pulling up in front of a small coffee shop called Bellisima on North Broadway, not far from Belmont Harbor. We were seriously a good three miles away from campus and though it was a bit disconcerting to me that we were so far away. However, I tried to do like Edward asked; I was trying to have faith.

Ten minutes later, we were situated in a small booth near the back of the coffee shop, waiting patiently for our order. "This is a little bit out of the way you know?" I stated as Edward grasped uneasily at a sugar packet and folded the corners, clearly nervous.

"I know. They have the best coffees and bear claws in the city."

"You drove this far out of the way, through the late afternoon Chicago for a bear claw? I'm sorry if I come across like a bitch right from the get go, but I can't help but feel we are here for another reason," I admitted, my voice coming across as timid but fierce. Our waitress came at that exact moment and gave me my café latte and Edward his black coffee, along with the bear claw he had ordered. The moment she walked away, I turned back to him and narrowed my eyes as he stared back at me anxiously. "Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

"Fuck no, why would you say that?" Edward asked in frustration as I watched his hands grip his coffee cup as he then pulled it up to his tender looking lips, taking a slow drink. I followed suit and had a drink, wondering if there was any way to subtly tell him what was going through my mind, deciding that I just had to be blunt.

"You wouldn't acknowledge me at Lisa's on campus today and then you drove out of our way for a damn coffee. Do you know how many decent coffee joints we passed on our way up here? All for a fucking bear claw? I have a hard time believing that Edward," I admitted apprehensively as Edward hung his head in shame and I immediately thought I was spot on with my assumption. "Well, this has been the shortest and most revealing coffee date I've ever had." I slid over on the bench and was about to get up to leave when Edward grasped my forearm firmly.

"Can you just sit down for a moment and let me explain please?" he asked, his eyes sad and pleading with me to just listen to him. I acquiesced to his request and sat down; even though my brain told me this was pointless. "Anyways, you can't run away too quickly. I have your guitar in my car. You wouldn't leave without it would you?"

"I could always just leave and claim you stole it. I'd get my guitar back and I'd be able to exact some revenge on you for treating me so great yesterday and like complete shit today," I stated as I took another sip of my coffee and waited, my fingernails tapping a random tune on the table top as Edward let out a small sigh.

"I guess I deserve that, but I swear I have a reason," he explained as I looked at him expectantly. It was one thing for him to basically blackmail me into staying because he had my guitar, but it was another to sit here and skirt the issue. I may have been lacking in self confidence, but I wasn't an idiot. "Have you ever had something you've never wanted to share with anyone else? I know, I asked you about this earlier, but I'm serious. I feel… different… around you and I don't want other people to feel the same way I do."

"Different how?"

"Curious, quiet, introspective, protective, possessive even" he said, the reluctance at his admission clear in his voice. "I want you all for myself."

I let out a small sigh, unsure of what to do with this newfound information. It seemed a little weird coming from Edward, because he was so uninterested in almost everything. Then again, I hadn't known him long enough to really determine his true personality. Everything I knew about Edward I had learned over a couple of hours while being stuck in a music room together. He liked classic rock; he found shaving annoying, didn't really care about how he did in school and enjoyed microwaving things. He was a bit of a slacker enigma, who smelled of weed, peppermint and coffee, and I couldn't prevent the pull I felt towards him.

"I know it's really idiotic of me, but I really want to spend more time with you; just you and me. Well, you can maybe bring your guitar every now and again, but it's not necessary," he said with a nervous laugh. Something told me that Edward had never been turned down before and he clearly thought that this was the direction I was moving in. "You look skeptical. Just give me a few days with you. Hell, even one more afternoon and perhaps I could convince you that today and Lisa's was just me being confused and not sure what to do. Everything you make me feel is very foreign, Bella."

"You're right, I am skeptical," I said quietly as Edward began to run his fingers through his mass of bronze hair in obvious trepidation and I couldn't help the urge that coursed through me to do the same thing with my own fingers to his hair. They were even twitching involuntarily against the table, they wanted it so badly. "However, I'm willing to give you one more chance."

"I promise you won't regret it Bella," Edward declared with a sly grin as he reached across the table and grabbed my hand, cupping it in his tenderly. It was the first truly intimate thing Edward had done since I had met him just four days ago and it honestly made my heart skip a beat.

However, as I stared into his expressive green eyes and watched him take a sip of his coffee with his free hand, I couldn't help the slight feeling of foreboding that claimed me. This was either going to be the best thing that ever happened to me, or it would break me, but I was willing to let my heart lead the way, for now.

**A/N: So this site is in like total fail, but through the magic of cut & paste, I got this bad boy posted finally! Huge thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 who is off somewhere drooling while watching Little Ashes. Lucky Bitch. Oh and much love to my girls flightlessbird11 and Risbee who rock my socks off.**

**Just so you know, this will be a SHORT story. I actually outlined the thing and it's only 12 chapters long. Possibly 13 if I decide to do an epilogue. All the lyrics mentioned in this story belong to Joshua Radin, not me sadly. If you don't listen to his music (which is a shock since I mention him in a lot of my stories including American Girl and Cabin Fever) you should at least listen to the two I will reference with this story.**

**Now hit that little green button and show me some love, cause I love all of you guys!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
**_I close up my mouth  
When you're around now  
Suffocating in doubt  
I can't make a sound  
In your sundrenched world _

Small touches, some rather half assed hand holding and one epic kiss was all I had gotten from Edward in the past few days. Ever since our fucked up afternoon at Bellisima, Edward and I had finally managed to spend more time together, alone of course, but it was fun regardless of the fact that we rarely saw anyone while we were together.

On the Tuesday following our coffee date, Edward showed up outside of the rehearsal room again and tried desperately to get me to leave with him. He wasn't specific about anything, he just wanted us to go somewhere, anywhere, and I felt like shit for having to turn him down. It didn't help matters that he was looking all sorts of sexy and I desperately wanted to be alone with him. Unfortunately, it was just after three in the afternoon and I had my guitar ensemble audition at four with Professor Davis and two other faculty members.

"Seriously?" he asked with a small laugh as I simply nodded my head, feeling a bit overwhelmed. "People actually sign up for that shit?"

"Actually Professor Davis has gone out of his way to help me out Edward, and I refuse to blow this audition off. He thinks I have a great talent and even lined me up with a job here on campus so that I could be in the ensemble," I stated firmly as Edward followed me inside the room and intertwined my free hand with his, rubbing his thumb against the side of my hand as I tried to contain my erratic breathing.

"Isn't Professor Davis that like thirty something year old blonde guy who I see roaming the halls?" he asked as he reached for my backpack and helped me pull it off, effectively cutting short the few moments we had touched.

"Yeah… so?" I questioned as I got comfortable in my chair and pulled my guitar case onto my lap. Edward pulled a chair over from the left of us and sat across from me, his eyes trained on every move I made as I pulled my guitar out and set it beside me.

"Did you ever think he had an ulterior motive for wanting to help you?" Edward questioned as I narrowed my eyes at him and he didn't even flinch. "Young, popular and apparently hot professors like him don't do anything without a reason."

"And my natural ability at playing the guitar isn't reason enough in your opinion?" I retorted, the anger rolling off of me and my frustration plain as day as Edward glared at me. I rested my guitar case on the floor beside my chair and picked up my guitar, strumming a few chords as Edward simply smirked at me and leaned back slightly in his chair.

"I just don't think it's only your talent he appreciates Bella," he added. I couldn't help but feel somewhat excited because Edward was obviously jealous; however, he had no reason to be. Professor Davis was way too conceited and overbearing for me to be remotely attracted to him. Then again, wasn't Edward equally confident and smug, I laughed to myself as I shook my head of our argument and began playing.

I had a little less than an hour to practice, so I did my best to just enjoy the proximity of Edward and play as much as I could. I played a quick version of 'Sweet Pea' and watched Edward bop his head out of the corner of my eye, clearly enjoying the music. At one point I thought Edward had fallen asleep, but when I stopped to check, he cocked open one eye and motioned with his hand for me to continue.

I was finishing a less than stellar version of 'Slight Figure of Speech' by the Avett Brothers, disappointed in myself because I thought I was beginning to master the song, but Edward simply encouraged me sweetly. He then reminded me of the time and I was quick to stand up and grab my guitar tight in my hands, my nerves starting to get the better of me. "You're gonna do great Bella, don't look so nervous," he stated as he brushed some of my hair back behind my ear and I leaned into his touch involuntarily. "Didn't Professor Wants-In-Your-Pants already say you were in a shoo in?"

"He doesn't want in my pants Edward," I said as I narrowed my eyes at him, my nervousness giving way to frustration with him. "Okay… I have to go or I'll be late. I'll see you around right?" I stated as I grabbed my backpack and my coat along with my guitar, as I made my way out of the room.

"Can't I wait for you? Leave all your shit behind and I will stay here until you get back," he asked sweetly as I looked at him with surprise. I just nodded my head as he rushed over and took my coat and bag from me. I then looked up at the clock on the wall and groaned as I dashed out of the rehearsal room to where Professor Davis asked me to meet him.

I was relieved to get there and find out he was delayed slightly, so I proceeded to get comfortable and found myself wondering about Edward's motives. Why the hell did he want to stay and wait for me and what the hell was that emotion he got when talking about Professor Davis? It couldn't be jealousy because Edward and I were nothing more than friends right now, even though my body and mind clearly wouldn't mind it to be more, and Davis… hell… he had nothing to worry about with Davis. He wasn't even remotely close to my kind of guy. Then again, neither was Edward if I was being honest with myself.

Professor Davis showed up only five minutes late, the two additional staff members joining him, and he insisted I play two songs, one that I had composed myself and another one of my own choosing. He seemed impressed as I worked through 'Such Great Heights' and then played something I had composed back in high school. I was relieved when he smiled and told me the first practice was Thursday at five.

When I got back to the rehearsal room, sure enough, Edward was still there. He was sitting in my favorite chair staring aimlessly out the window. "Are you alright?" I questioned as he jumped slightly when I spoke.

"Yeah… just fine. How did it go? Are you in?" I nodded enthusiastically as Edward looked happy for me, but didn't move from his seat. "I trust Davis was a perfect gentleman?"

"I don't know what your issue with Davis is Edward. He was fine. I played two songs and then he welcomed me to the ensemble. We practice at five on Thursday afternoon. Tomorrow I start work at the Music Department office at three for a few hours," Edward looked a little disappointed when I mentioned how harried my schedule was becoming these days, but I couldn't imagine why. He clearly had friends, like the blonde girl, which he could hang out with. "If you get defensive over my relationship with Davis, which is strictly professional I might add, for the twentieth time. Does that mean I can get defensive over your relationship with the blonde?"

"What blonde?" he snapped back quickly as I reminded him about the girl at girl at Lisa's Café who kept giving me dirty looks and was all over him like a wet t-shirt."She's no one, really. Please don't worry about her."

"She's no one? Does she know that?"

"I've told her repeatedly. Really Bella, she's just a friend. Are you jealous of her?"

"Only in the same way you are obviously jealous of Professor Davis," I replied as Edward tugged on the hair at the back of his neck, clearly frustrated.

"Fine, her name is Tanya and she is a bit of a pill. She's been after me for a while, but I have no interest whatsoever in her. I've never so much as been on a date with her, so don't think she's some ex-girlfriend or girl that I fuck because she's not and for the record, she won't ever be," Edward declared emphatically as I nodded my head in understanding.

"Well you should consider Professor Davis as my Tanya then. I feel for him the same way you feel for her," I replied as Edward just shrugged his shoulders, which I took as an admittance of defeat. An uncomfortable silence fell between us for a few moments before Edward spoke.

"Umm… what are you doing Friday after class?" he asked quietly as I noticed he was fiddling with one of my guitar picks that my father, Charlie, had gotten printed with my initials. I shook the aggravation from my head and scanned through my memory to see if I had something to do.

"Nothing."

"Go to dinner with me?"

"Okay."

"Really?" he questioned as he ran his hands through his disheveled hair and I noticed that he actually seemed nervous. What the hell?

"Yes, really. Now stop acting so surprised." Edward finally seemed to relent and then offered me a ride home, which I accepted eagerly. Even though it was a short ride back to my place, it was nice to be alone with him again. He talked about us meeting after class on Friday in the rehearsal hall, which I agreed to even though I would have preferred to get ready at my apartment first. It was a small thing to concede, so I decided not to worry about it for the time being. Although all the little things were starting to add up and weight heavily on my mind.

When we pulled up in front of my apartment building, I let out a small sigh, both in relief and disappointment. The drive had been full of awkward silence, but I wasn't ready to part from Edward yet. "Thanks so much for the ride," I stated as I twisted my body around and went to grab my guitar case from Edward's back seat. The moment my hand grasped the handle, I felt Edward's lips against mine and my heart began to flutter uncontrollably. I let out a small moan in pleasure as Edward's tongue slipped along my bottom lip slowly, causing me to open my mouth, which he took full advantage of because within seconds his tongue was inside my mouth moving along mine in the most sensuous way possible. He tasted of peppermint and weed; it was intoxicating because it was all Edward.

When Edward finally pulled away after what seemed like forever, but not long enough, I had the biggest smile plastered on my surprised face. "So Friday, right?" he asked again, my mind trying to wrap around what the hell he had just said.

"Yes…," I said slowly, as I watched Edward's mouth turn into a crooked grin. "Friday, right. I'll be ready."

I grasped for my guitar case and then opened the door, pulling it out with me into the cold Chicago air. I then grabbed my backpack off of the floor and shut the door behind me, watching intently as Edward pulled away from my curb. The moment he was out of sight, my hand immediately darted to my mouth and traced my lips slowly. God, he was an exquisite kisser.

I spent the next two days thinking mainly of Edward and on Friday I ran home during lunch so that I could get changed into something a little more 'date-worthy'. I didn't want to call attention to the situation because Alice would have spent hours trying to convince me to wear or be something I wasn't. So when she asked me what I was doing on Friday night, I lied to her and told her I had plans with some of the people from guitar ensemble. She seemed completely placated and told me she would probably be hanging out with Jasper anyways.

At lunch I simply grabbed a nicer sweater and some tighter jeans than I would normally not wear from my closet and stared at my underwear drawer for way too long. I could go the easy route and simply choose a nice bra and panty set, nothing even remotely sexy and it would mean I wasn't planning anything with Edward at all. Then again, I could go with my favorite black satin bra and matching panty set. However, this choice would imply that I wanted something to happen.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and literally stared at the drawer for what felt like forever. I thought Edward and I were on the way to becoming fast friends, but then he kissed me on Tuesday, which was something that I wasn't expecting. I also wasn't expecting to spend the next three days thinking of only him. Even at work on Wednesday Mrs. Cope, or Ethel to her close friends, noticed that I was out of whack slightly. I shrugged it off and blamed work load in my classes, but she just laughed me off claiming music students had life easier than med students, but were twice as moody. So, I decided to throw caution to the wind and decided that because I had been thinking so much of Edward, I should opt for the black set, just in case.

"Hey you," I heard Edward's voice state as he walked into the music room just before five in the afternoon. He was a little early and I couldn't help but be slightly impressed, though I didn't tell him that. My last class had gotten out at four thirty and the moment we were dismissed, I had run to the nearest women's washroom to finish preparing myself for our date. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and put on a bit of makeup, which was unusual for me, and then headed to the room to wait for Edward.

My heart literally skipped a beat as I looked up at him, all messy bronze hair, jeans and oversized hoodie. I felt over dressed in my cowl neck sweater and skinny jeans. "Hey," I replied as I tried half heartedly to force the anxiousness from my voice. "So, what's on the agenda tonight?"

I grabbed my coat from my chair and felt a little funny without my guitar, having left it back at the apartment since my last class on Friday was Music History with Professor Davis and it wasn't needed. "Umm… there will be eating involved and maybe a movie… a show. Fuck, I dunno, this is all kinda new to me. What do you want to do?"

"How about we go find somewhere to eat? I skipped lunch today accidently," I admitted shamefully as I heard Edward groan. Apparently, he was not only concerned about my Professor having ill intentions towards me; he also was the food police?

"Okay… what do you feel like eating?" he asked as he held the door to the music room open for me and I looked at him in disbelief as I walked through it. "My mother raised me to have some manners you know." I simply nodded in response, unsure of what to say and walked towards the doors as Edward pulled his coat on and I did the same. Within a few minutes we were in his car and heading west towards Oak Park, my mind instantly wondering where the hell we were going. I reminded myself to trust him as we bantered about where to go, Edward telling me about some great Italian joint he thought we'd like and I quickly agreed, thinking that pasta was a good idea. After all it worked for the Lady and the Tramp right?

Our entire dinner was very casual, but the conversation flowed easily between Edward and me. He asked me about my first day at work with the music department and I told a few random stories about Mrs. Cope, including how I swore I found her photocopying nude photos of herself on the Xerox, but she just blushed and walked away. Edward found it hilarious and disturbing, just like me and I realized how nice it was nice to simply laugh with Edward about the simplest things

It was refreshing to spend such a long period of time alone with him, and for once I appreciated the fact that he liked having me all to himself. He was very open about his life, telling me about his family back home in Boston. His parents were married and he had an older sister named Jane, who was married to a stockbroker and was expecting their first child, a girl. Edward seemed nothing like his family, who seemed very strict and put together from his description of them. His father was a renowned doctor and his mother was a housewife who was very involved in various charities. Then there was Edward… well Edward was a slacker in the best form of the word. He told me he was taking communications simply because he wasn't sure what he really wanted to do with his life.

"I think I am looking for some kind of sign," he admitted as he twirled some fettuccine noodles around his fork and then looked up at me, before placing the food into his mouth. In fact, for most of the evening I couldn't take my eyes off of his mouth. It was like it was calling to me or something. _Bella, come and suck on my bottom lip. You know you want to._ I just shook my head from the thoughts in my mind and went back to our conversation.

"Did you ever think to take the things that you enjoy doing and work those into some sort of career direction?'

"Well let's see. My current favorite things to do are smoke pot, listen to you play guitar and have sex. Anything you can see me doing for the rest of my life based on that?" he asked with a hearty laugh as I joined right along with him, though I clamed up slightly because of the mention of sex. My palms may have even started sweating because the thought of having sex with Edward was something that had been predominant in my mind since the moment I met him.

"Yeah, not really," I said with an awkward laugh. "I'll just have to make it big one day so you can be my groupie." Edward's eyes grew wide at my suggestion that he basically follows me around while smoking pot, listening to my music and having sex with me. Yes, I implied he would be having sex with me, and he knew it too.

"That's always a possibility. However, what would I major in here at Northwestern to get that job?"

"Do you really care?"

"No, not really."

"I didn't think so," I said with another laugh as Edward reached his free hand across the table and his fingers lightly skimmed over the back of my hand. I may have been shaking a little bit because I was so nervous at that particular moment, but it was such a sweet and yet surprising gesture, I didn't know how to respond. My mind told me to just scream out 'wanna go back to your place,' but the words didn't come from my mouth. Instead, like the completely self conscious spaz that I was, I shoved some more angel hair pasta in my mouth and tried to focus on my dinner.

I had no idea what was going on with me. Most of the time Edward infuriated me and I couldn't understand his motivation for anything. Tonight though it felt like he had cast some sort of voodoo spell on me because all my worries and concerns regarding him, me and us… if there was even an 'us' to speak of, seemed to melt away.

After we finished our meals, Edward was quick to order one dessert with one spoon. He was insistent actually and I quirked my eye brow at him in surprise, but went along with everything. So far the dinner and conversation had been so wonderful and I really didn't want the night to end. Hell, bring on twenty desserts if it meant I got to spend more time with Edward. When our waitress brought over dessert, which was a decent sized bowl of coffee gelato, Edward was quick to grab the spoon from the dish and scoop some out, offering it to me.

"I think I can feed myself," I replied, feeling somewhat confused.

"I know you can feed yourself," he replied succinctly as I narrowed my eyes at him. Why couldn't men just say what was really on their mind. Edward let out a small sigh, sensing my frustration and then spoke again. "I've been watching your mouth as you devoured your dinner tonight. I have to admit, it's really fucking hot."

I did a mental fist pump, glad that Edward was thinking the same thing I had been thinking all night, and I felt like less of a pervert for being so fixated on his lips. So, I did the only thing I could at that moment; I opened my mouth and let him feed me.

It was… well to quote Edward, it was really fucking hot. He took his time, scooping out exactly the right amount of gelato from the bowl before lifting it to my mouth. His eyes were either focused completely on mine or on my lips, and my insides were practically flip flopping in excitement. I could feel myself getting wetter with every single bite he fed me, and felt a small pang of sadness when he would take a scoop for himself. I also couldn't help but be envious of that spoon inside his mouth, his tongue swirling around it and I may have shivered at the thoughts running through my mind.

In the middle of dessert, Edward asked for the bill, but I didn't think anything of it. I was much too focused on his face, and how his smile became more crooked as he fed me and I wondered if this happened when he was aroused. The moment he suggested we leave, throwing two fifty dollar bills down on the table I knew it was true, he was definitely as turned on as I was. When he stood up, my eyes were immediately drawn to his groin, where he clearly had a hard on. I may have even licked my lips in anticipation of what I hoped was to come.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, offering me his hand and waiting for me to make some sort of move. I grabbed it eagerly as he helped me stand up and then assisted me in putting on my coat. Then, like the restaurant was on fire, Edward pulled me from the building and out towards the parking lot where his car waited for us.

Before I had a chance to ask Edward if he wanted to do something else, he had grasped my forearm and turned me around, pressing my back against the brick wall of the restaurant as he began kissing me like he needed me to breathe. It was desperate, erratic and all consuming. It was perfect.

Without thinking about it, I hitched my leg up slightly onto Edward's hip and he pressed forward into me, his hand moving quickly down the back of my thigh to my ass, which he grasped firmly in his hand as he ground his erection against me.

"I have wanted to do that since the day I met you," he declared when he pulled back after we kissed ardently for several minutes, not even caring that several other patrons of the restaurant had passed us as they walked towards their vehicles. I was generally a shy girl, so where the hell did this behavior come from? I couldn't help but smile as I noticed how flush Edward looked, his lips rather red and delectable.

"Why didn't you?"

"You're not that kind of girl, Bella." Edward's words caught me off guard because I truly hadn't known him that long, so how did he know what kind of girl I was? In fact, this usually changed with what mood I was in. So while sometimes I was introspective, there were times when I was also shy. I have had moments where I was crass and sarcastic, and others where I was fairly inhibited. However, this was not one of those moments.

"Take me to your place. I'll show you what kind of girl I am." Edward's lips crashed down upon mine as his fingers worked their way through my hair. He dropped one of his hands and wrapped it around my waist, holding me to him and I gasped against his lips when I felt how hard he was against me. "Your place Edward," I reiterated when I had a moment without lips pressed against me. Edward simply nodded his head and entwined his fingers in mine, pulling me towards his car enthusiastically.

When we got inside, the music overwhelmed me and I rested my head back against the head rest as Van Morrison surrounded us. Edward pulled out onto the main street and drove back towards campus, his eyes focused on the road and his right hand focused on my inner thigh, rubbing his fingers gently against the denim, before moving it up against the seam across my pussy. He was good, I would give him that. I closed my eyes and let out a small moan as Edward continued attempting to drive and get me off at the same time.

Just as I neared ecstasy, the car pulled to a stop and Edward fidgeted anxiously with his seatbelt. I opened my eyes and looked up to see that he was parked behind a red brick brownstone, a few other cars on either side of his. "Is this your place?"

"Yeah," he replied as he then unbuckled my seat belt and grasped my face in his hands, kissing me hard and reverently. "Come on. I'm on the top floor."

Mere minutes later, Edward was unlocking his front door and pushing it open as he ushered me inside. What looked like a brownstone from the outside were actually 3 separate apartments, each with their own floor. It was also only a little bit like I would have expected from Edward. However, I didn't have a chance to completely survey the apartment before Edward was closing the door firmly behind him and wrapping his arms around my waist, turning me around to face him.

We were both staring at each other, as though we were waiting for the other shoe to drop or something. The look on Edward's face implied to me that he thought I wasn't going to go through with this, but there was nothing I wanted more at that very moment than Edward. So I grabbed the back of his neck with one hand and pulled him down to my height, kissing him zealously as my other hand fumbled with his belt, trying desperately to remove it.

Edward laughed slightly against my lips and I was proud of myself for finally getting the buckle undone and began tugging the belt off, furiously throwing it across the room and against a wall once I was finished. Clearly Edward was just as frantic as I was, because he grabbed the hem of my sweater, pulling it up over my head in one fell swoop and tossed it onto the living room floor. As I watched it tumble to the floor, I noticed Edward had a decent sized couch that looked rather comfortable, so in my infinite wisdom, I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch, making him sit down.

I straddled his hips and ground my eager, and extremely wet, yet still jean clad pussy over his rock hard cock as I yanked off his hoodie, laughing at the shirt he had on underneath that said 'Yes, my t-shirt does say fuck on it. It also says cunt, twat and machine washable.' "You wore that on a date?" I asked as I couldn't help the giggles that came forth.

"I didn't have time to do laundry, so it was either this or the pink golf shirt my mother thought would look good on me."

"Good choice then," I replied as my lips found Edward's again and his hands ghosted slowly up my back to my bra, which he deftly unsnapped, with a smug grin forming against my lips. He pulled the straps down my shoulders, his fingers tentatively moving against my skin which was breaking out in goose bumps. I don't think I had ever wanted, ached or desired anything more in my life.

Edward cupped my breasts in his hands as I leaned back slightly, giving him a little more room and he moved his fingers up, deftly tugging my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. They immediately pebbled and my pussy literally dripped in arousal.

"Fuck, you're responsive to my touch aren't you," Edward growled out before his mouth descending on one of my nipples, sucking it into his mouth as he bit gently and then rolled it with his tongue.

"Only for you," I forced out as I bit down on my bottom lip and then ran my fingers through his crazy mess of hair, tugging on it each time he bit me. My mind was running rampant, surprise the most obvious emotion overwhelming me because I wasn't expecting to be here with Edward, let alone, so soon. I let out a small groan as Edward switched to my other breast and I pressed my pussy down against him again.

"Mmm I like to hear that," Edward responded as he released one of my breasts and moved his hand down between my thighs and began to press firmly against the now wet denim, stroking the seam of my jeans against my clit, which made me shudder. "Jesus, Bella."

I slid down Edward's legs, landing on his soft carpet on my knees and looked up at his desperate face through my eyelashes. I had already removed his belt, so I eagerly began to unbutton and unzip his jeans, tugging on them slowly and watching with rapt attention as he lifted his ass off the couch and smiled as he let me pull his jeans off, leaving him in just his boxer briefs, which left nothing to the imagination because he was so fucking hard already.

I placed my hands on either side of his legs against the couch and opened my mouth, leaning forward and placing my lips against his cock, the fabric still between us. "You're a tease," he breathed out as I watched his hands clench the cushion of the couch, holding on to it tightly as I took one hand and began palming him through the briefs. "But the best fucking tease."

"I'm hardly a tease Edward. If I was, I would walk out of the apartment right now," I replied as I pulled his boxer briefs down to his mid thigh and then watched eagerly as his cock sprung to life; beautiful, thick and oh so tempting. I let my tongue drag around the tip, licking up all the pre cum that had formed as I grasped him tightly in my hands, stroking him from base to tip slowly. Edward's hand reached up behind my neck, threading through my hair, and he looked at me with his dark emerald eyes, the lust more than obvious.

"I wouldn't let you go," he forced out as I leaned forward again and took his cock fully into my mouth, watching with a smug satisfaction as he leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes as he was clearly enjoying my attention on his aching cock. As my tongue wrapped around his shaft and I reveled in having control over a man who always seemed like he was one hundred percent in control, I couldn't help but feel like his comment wasn't just referring to me leaving him at that moment.

I tried not to let it overwhelm my mind, so I shook the thought from my mind, and hummed slowly against Edward's cock, making him grip the back of my head tighter. "Oh fuck… your mouth is like heaven baby," he growled out as I began moving my mouth faster, up and down along his length, sucking constantly as I attempted to get him deeper and deeper into my throat.

After several more minutes of me licking, sucking and stroking the base of his cock that I simply could not get into my mouth, Edward pulled me from him, a sound of disappointment falling from my lips. Edward grasped my shoulders and helped me to stand, and the moment I was on my feet, Edward was yanking my pants and panties down, then wrapping his arm around my waist and guiding me down onto the floor of his living room.

"I need to be inside of you Bella," he said, his voice deep with lust, as he peppered feverish kisses along the swell of my breasts and down to my belly button. His hands spread my thighs open and he positioned himself between my legs, looking down at me as though he was going to devour me. I nodded my approval slowly and Edward's small smile turned into a large crooked grin as he traced a finger around my hard clit languidly before slipping it and another finger inside of me. My ass immediately rose from the floor and my thighs shook in anticipation. Clearly it was Edward who was teasing now.

With his fingers still thrusting slowly inside of me, Edward leaned back slightly on his heels and fumbled with his pants, finally coming back to focus on me with a condom clutched in his hand. He ripped it open with his teeth; my eyes glued to his face the entire time as he then pulled his fingers out of me and sucked them into his mouth, tasting my juices from his long digits. In a flash, Edward had his cock sheathed and he was hovering above me, his cock in his hand as he rubbed it against my clit, while he continued to tease me.

"Please," I begged shamelessly, as I could feel my arousal literally dripping down my thigh and Edward slowly inched his way inside of me, filling me as only he could, and making me feel completely full. "Oh… oh, oh god," I chanted until Edward was deep inside of me, his lips then finding me as he stilled his movements and began kissing me passionately instead.

It wasn't exactly Edward to be so gentle or sweet with his movements, and it wasn't that I was against it all, but at that moment, it wasn't what I needed. "Fuck me, please," I begged again as Edward leaned back slightly and pulled my ass onto the bottom of his knees, his cock plunging deep inside of me and making me bite down on my bottom lip. "Oh fuck… harder. Please… yes, harder Edward."

Edward did not disappointment as he thrust his cock into me, over and over again as I could feel his desperation. "You want it harder Bella?" he asked me, his voice deep as he leaned down beside my ear and buried himself inside of me again. I wordlessly nodded my head and was immediately caught off guard as Edward snaked his hand around my waist and flipped me over onto my hands and knees, landing me on our pile of clothes, which we disregarded completely in our moment of desire and need. In one swift movement, I felt his hand grip my hip and my ass as he thrust inside of me again and I bent my head back, moaning out in ecstasy the moment I felt him fully within me.

"So fucking tight… hot… and oh so fucking wet," he forced out as he kept one hand on my hip and another firmly on my ass and continued to plunge himself into me repeatedly. He smacked my ass cheek playfully before slowly moving his hand up my back and twirling it into my hair. I felt the weight of his body against my back as he pulled my hair back slightly, my neck moving along with it as I felt his breath against my ear. He bit down on the side of my neck, his teeth marking me as I felt his tongue against my skin. When he pulled back slightly, he kissed me where his mouth had just been before finally speaking, his voice hoarse and deep. "You are fucking gorgeous, even better than I ever fucking dreamed of."

"You dreamed about me?" I forced out as he thrust inside of me again, my body instantly reacting to him as my release was imminent.

"Every fucking night since the moment I met you," he admitted unabashedly. "Now touch yourself and cum for me," he ordered as my hand immediately went between my legs, rubbing my clit feverishly as Edward kissed his way down my back and began gripping my hips again, fucking me with wild abandon as my entire body shook beneath him.

I reached my own orgasm moments later, Edward's hot breath on the back of my neck as he spilled inside of me, panting breathlessly as I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly to him, as though he thought I was planning to leave. "Stay?" he whispered quietly, as his lips pressed down tenderly against the side of my neck, where his bite mark would no doubt be in the morning. His soft voice was such a contrast to how primal he had been just moments ago.

"Yes," I said just as quietly as Edward helped me to my feet and entwined my fingers in his as he pulled me towards his bedroom. He tossed the discarded condom away in his bathroom as I followed him closely. In his bedroom I wasn't surprised by the dark blue duvet, the lava lamp or the three different bongs that graced his dresser. What did catch me off guard was how gentle he was, helping me into bed, wrapping his arms and the blankets around us as he fell into a peaceful slumber.

Sleep didn't come as easily for me as it did for Edward though. I couldn't shut off my mind as I wondered who the true Edward was; the pot smoking stoner who acted like he didn't have a care in the world or the gentle, yet all encompassing man who was currently holding onto me for dear life. I let out a small sigh and decided it didn't matter. I needed to simply enjoy this for as long as I could.

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who put this little story on alert, favorite and has reviewed. I promise updates will be more frequent when I have finished 'The Resolution', which sadly is coming to an end very soon.**

**Big thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 for all her help and suggestions and the usual love goes out to Risbee and Flightlessbird11, my writing partners and besties, for pre-reading this drivel.**

**How about a fic rec? Tie Me Here in Time by jadedandboring owns me, even though it makes me want to throw my computer most of the time. You would have to read the original short story, Kubler Ross Model to full appreciate it, so go read both of them.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi All! I have virtually no notes, can you believe it? Thanks so much to MaggieMay14 for her beta job and Risbee and Flightlessbird11 for being wonderful pre-readers. The support of this little story makes me smile, so thanks to all the wonderful readers and reviewers.**

**As per usual, I don't own Twilight; I do have a bucket of gummy worms beside me. **

_I always wanted to be  
The one you looked to  
For the answers in me  
I'm the one who took you  
To your sundrenched world _

_Sundrenched World – Joshua Radin_

**BPOV **

"Come on Bella; just consider coming with us alright?" Alice questioned as I sat in our living room with my guitar perched on my lap and my favorite notebook beside me. Ever since Edward and I had been spending more time together, dating I guess would be the proper term, Alice and I had barely seen each other. I understood that she was just trying to reach out to me tonight, but honestly the last thing I wanted to do was go to a party, especially one where Edward wouldn't be.

"Alice, if you stop talking to me and let me try to get these lyrics out, perhaps I will reconsider," I said coolly as she took this to mean that I was definitely in for the party, which was not actually true. "I have to get this original composition done for class on Monday and have been slacking all week, so let me get it done in peace?"

Alice nodded her head happily and then traipsed off in the direction of her room, only to call out a few minutes later that I had nothing decent to wear to the party. "Get out of my closet Alice," I yelled back as I let out a huge sigh. I scribbled down a few more lines before picking up my notebook and going through all the lyrics I had written. It wasn't the best I had ever done, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

Twenty minutes later, after I had finished putting the last touches on the song and played it once completely with my guitar, there was a loud knock on the front door. I rose from my seat to get it as Alice sprinted out of my bedroom completely breathless. I wasn't surprised to find Jasper on the other side of the door holding a case of beer with two bags of Chinese food perched on top. Alice kissed him eagerly before grabbing the food from the top of the box. "Evening ladies," he said sweetly as I put my guitar to the side of the couch and went to help them out. "I come bearing party essentials, greasy food and beer."

"Bella here claims she isn't going to the party tonight," Alice said smugly as Jasper's eyes grew wide in surprise.

"Say it ain't so," he drawled slowly as I nodded my head remorsefully and began pulling containers from the paper bags. Once I got to the bottom, the bag was practically soaked through with grease.

"Did you get this over at Changs?" I asked curiously, knowing they had a reputation for the best, yet most affordable Chinese near campus.

"Yup. So eat up and then get all dolled up because you are coming to this party tonight. We never get to spend more than five minutes with you because you are usually heading out to your rehearsal room at school."

"I'm starting to wonder if they have a Murphy bed installed in the walls there," Alice chimed in as my mind began working overtime as I wondered if she had noticed the few times I hadn't slept overnight at our place. It had only been four times in the past three weeks, which really wasn't much in the grand scheme of things and I figured that Alice was spending so much time with Jasper that she wouldn't notice. I guess I was wrong. "In anticipation of you changing your mind about the party, I have laid out some clothes on your bed for you to wear. Perhaps to snag you some hottie who can convince you to get the hell out of your bedroom or the music hall?"

I scoffed at Alice's remark, because little did she know I already had someone. Then my mind did the same thing it usually did when it came to Edward… I became concerned about his reservations about us. Every time I asked him about it, he claimed he had no issues where we were concerned and that he was extremely happy with not only our emotional relationship, but also our physical relationship. However, the moment we started to talk about us, it always led to sex and I couldn't help but wonder if Edward was avoiding having an intense conversation with me about anything other the medical marijuana laws in the country or his desire to get a new tattoo.

"Bella, do you want some won ton soup?" Jasper questioned, pulling me from my reverie. I was not prepared to get depressed about this again, which was usually what happened when I thought about how aloof Edward was with me in public. My self esteem was already on the breaking point before I met him, and now with our current situation, though stimulating in several ways, it was making it hard for me to sleep. "Bella… soup?"

"No thanks. I'll just stick to the noodles and chicken," I said as I began scooping some food out onto my paper plate, yet another one of Jasper's bright ideas about drinking. He thought it would be a pain in the ass come Sunday morning when we actually had energy again, to have to do dishes. He was always one step ahead of me, and I had a feeling I would be grateful tomorrow morning when I didn't have to clean up our mess.

So for the next three hours, we sat in our living room watching random shit on the Food Network and enjoying our beers and Chinese food. Edward had texted me to let me know he was hanging with friends tonight, but that he couldn't wait to take me out Saturday night, which was perfectly fine with me. Thankfully, Alice hadn't noticed our little text exchange because she was busy sorting through her own massive closet trying to find something appropriate for the party.

I was on my third beer and feeling extremely positive about everything in the world when Jasper looked at me and I instantly became nervous. "So… I have a friend I want you to meet tonight," he said genuinely as I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. "Before you immediately shoot down the idea, just listen to me. He's a really nice guy…"

"Isn't that code for being gay?"

"Shit, Alice told me not to start with that point," he said with a laugh. "No, he's not gay. He's outgoing and fun actually. He's a journalism major in his second year and I think you guys would really hit it off. You're both creative with words, just in different ways." Jasper eyed me up, waiting expectantly for me to answer him, but I couldn't just blurt out that I was getting fucked three days from Sunday by the hottest guy I had ever laid eyes on, could I? This was supposed to be just between us, and in this moment, I hated it more than usual. So I did the only thing I could think of doing, a mission of self preservation of sorts, I lied to Jasper a little bit.

"I really think it's sweet of you to think of setting me up with someone, but there's kind of someone I'm interested in," I said under my breath, hoping not to alert Alice, but I was fail.

"Why didn't you tell me you liked someone?" she shouted out as she came out of her bedroom in a long shirt with no bottoms on. Well, she probably had something under them, but then again knowing Alice, she had no shame and probably _was _going commando. "Is he in your class? Does he have a name? Is he why you haven't slept here a few times lately?"

"Hold on a second, you sure you don't want to get a light and shine it down on me as you interrogate me," I replied caustically as Alice rolled her eyes at my dramatics and sat down on Jasper's lap. She stealthily tried to reposition herself, but since I had tried that move just a few days ago with Edward, I knew all she would succeed in doing was turning her boyfriend on, and I wanted to gag.

"You should switch from music to drama, you're a pro," she laughed as she narrowed her eyes at me, but motioned at me with her hand to continue. Internally, I was cursing Edward for putting me in this position with my only friends.

"Oh fine… his name is… Owen," I lied nervously. "He's not in my class, but I see him in my building all the time. We've chatted a few times, nothing special but I just get this vibe from him… it's hard to explain, but I'm hoping he will ask me out sooner rather than later." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and Jasper let out a small laugh that made me feel a bit more comfortable about the situation.

"Ask him out. Alice here pursued me and it was the best five minutes of chasing she ever did. It was love at first sight for me," he said genuinely as she leaned down and kissed his forehead gently and his hand rubbed slowly up her back. They really were perfect for one another, even after only a few weeks of being together. Alice and Jasper always seemed in tune with one another in a way that I had never seen before. They answered each other's thoughts, finished their sentences and seemed to fit like the perfect puzzle piece in the world's most random puzzle. I couldn't help but wonder if Edward was my puzzle piece until Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Just come to the party tonight, have fun and then on Monday go after this Owen guy. After all, it's not like you are going to get piss faced drunk and whore around in some strangers bedroom right?" she laughed as I nodded my head in response. "Good, now go shower and get dressed. After all, you never know, maybe Owen will be at this party tonight."

~*~*~

A little less than an hour later, I felt self conscious as we walked into the house party a few blocks away from our apartment. Alice had insisted on my outfit, but when I took off my coat and handed it to Jasper, I felt like everyone's eyes were on me. I had pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail, but had on a tank top with an oddly painted skull on it. I couldn't even remember when the hell I had bought it, but Alice just winked at me and told me to wear the damned thing, so I ignored my better judgment and put it on with jeans, Mary Janes and some weird ass scarf thing she kept insisting I would rock. I wish I had her confidence in everything.

"Do you want me to go get you girls some beer?" asked Jasper thoughtfully as I eagerly nodded my head and Alice latched her arm around mine like we were fucking Laverne and Shirley. We seriously were not that close, although if I kept drinking the way I had been at the apartment, she would no doubt be holding my hair back as I prayed to the porcelain gods later, thus making her my best friend.

"Sure Jazzy," Alice exclaimed happily as I scanned the room and tried to see if I recognized anyone. No luck so far, I thought to myself as I let out a small laugh that sounded more like a cough. "So, let's see if Owen is here huh or maybe we could find James, Jasper's friend, who I know you will hit it off with."

"Alice…" I growled out slowly as she lifted her free hand in defeat and I felt somewhat relieved.

"Alright Bella, the ball is in your court, but just don't be angry at me if I throw a couple of extra players on the court. You do like men right?" she said as a laugh, but I simply felt mortified and wished I could crawl into a hole, or go back home to the comfort of my guitar and composition book. "Oh don't be such a slagathor. Let's go mingle."

Twenty minutes later I was clutching my empty red solo cup for dear life. I had tried twice to get away from the conversation I was in so that I could refill my glass, but it wasn't happening. Not long after Alice suggested we move through the party, we 'conveniently' stumbled upon James, Jasper's friend. He kept trying to initiate conversation, but I just wasn't feeling it, so I drank some more and before I knew it, the first beer Jasper had fetched for me was gone.

"So Jasper told me you're a music major. What instrument do you play?" James questioned simply as my eyes darted around the room though I tried to feign interest.

"I play the didgeridoo," I responded sarcastically as Jasper choked on his beer as he let out a loud laugh that was caught by the entire room filled with people.

"Is that the Australian bamboo looking thing?" James asked, with all seriousness.

"Oh so Bella drinks and gets funny? Keep the beer coming then, right?" he laughed as attempted to take my cup from me, but I didn't let it go. "She plays guitar James, and no matter what Bella says, she will be modest. She is a wonderful guitarist and composer."

"Do you want me to get you a refill?" asked James after he noticed Jasper try and take my cup, but I held onto as though I would die without it. I guess the alcohol really was sinking in.

"No, I think I will find my way over to the keg. I'll be right back," I replied casually as Alice quirked her eye brow at me and I just nodded my head, signaling to her that I was fine and just needed a break. I could only hear about the school newspaper for so long without wanting to kill myself via paper cut.

As I walked across the room towards the kitchen where the keg was located, my eyes drifted everywhere as I tried to take in the scenes around me. It felt like it had been so long since I had been to a party like this that I truly felt out of my element, which was not that unusual for me at all. "Pretty girl need a refill?" I was asked by a decent looking guy at the keg with messy blonde hair, when I finally arrived.

"Yeah, that would be good," I replied simply as I put my hand out to rest it against the kitchen counter. I watched intently as he poured me a drink, tipping the cup sideways to eliminate the head on the beer and when he handed it back to me, he was smiling from ear to ear.

"I'm Owen by the way," he said I grasped my cup and thought for a second I was going to drop it as I started coughing slightly.

"I'm Bella. Thanks so much for the beer," I replied, trying as hard as I could to not laugh at the fact that I had just stumbled upon a guy with the exact name I had used for my faux crush. If Alice got wind that there_ was_ a guy named Owen here, she would be all over him like white on rice. This had potential disaster written all over it, so I walked away before something bad happened.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to consider the implications of this situation because when I went to move out of the kitchen, I noticed the blonde girl, aka Tanya, standing in the room off of the kitchen which I think they used as an office or something. There was a desk, a computer and a big leather couch. However, during this party there was also Tanya, two people playing quarters on the floor and… Edward.

Is this what he meant by hanging out with friends tonight? Being petted by Tanya, and she was definitely petting him as she ran her hand through his mangled hair, was not my definition of hanging with friends. I practically chugged my beer as I turned from the scene in front of me and went back to Owen to get a refill. I thanked him genuinely and made my way back to the boring conversation I was sure to have with James about bylines and mastheads. It was riveting really.

"Bells, what took you so long?" asked Alice genuinely as I wrapped my arm over her shoulder and leaned on her slightly.

"I ran into Owen. Not my Owen, but another Owen. He was very nice."

"Who's Owen?" asked James curiously as Alice told him about the guy I apparently had a crush on. James looked slightly heartbroken at this fact and I felt bad for him, for about a minute, before he starting telling Jasper a funny story about photoshopping shit for the newspaper, except it wasn't funny at all and I was bored out of my mind. That was until my cell phone buzzed in the pocket of my jeans and my night suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.

_I miss you. Can I see you tonight? –E_

"Who the hell is contacting you?" asked Alice in frustration as I pulled my arm away and slide open the keyboard to text a response to Edward.

"Mrs. Cope. It seems she's misplaced her chaps and wants to know if she left them at the office," I said with a laugh as everyone else looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. "Oh for fucks sake, it's Owen. My Owen, not the guy handing out beer in the kitchen." Alice looked at me with disbelief as I started typing in my reply to Edward, feeling rather angry about the situation I had seen a few minutes ago.

_You miss me? Perhaps if you weren't being stroked by the Blonde girl in the other room, you would have seen me in the living room –B_

"Are you alright Bella?" James questioned as I shoved my phone back into my pocket and I stretched my arm out and touched his shoulder sweetly, giving him the wrong impression completely, but not really caring at that moment. Just like I anticipated, the moment I looked up towards the kitchen, I saw Edward standing there in the doorway, looking completely fuckable in a black Pink Floyd t-shirt that was faded and had clearly seen better days. He narrowed his eyes at me as though he was angry and I simply felt emboldened, by the booze and his response.

"I'm wonderful James. So you were saying that you guys work under the Editor and he gives you assignments right? Do you get to advise him the type of work you would prefer to do?" I questioned as James' smile perked up and he began rambling on about how he hated the sports beat and preferred to do local news or politics. It was mundane and his voice annoyed me, but it was having the desired effect because Edward literally looked furious.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he shoved Blondie's hand off his shoulder and then ignore her as she tried to speak to him. She gave up a few minutes into my conversation with James, but Edward never once wavered. I seriously think he was trying to do some sort of Jedi mind trick on James and make him disappear.

_You know Edward, this could all be so easy if you would just acknowledge my existence_, I thought to myself as I pulled my mind away from thoughts of Edward and I tried to focus on what James was saying.

"So next week I get to interview the Dean and I'm planning to ask some hard hitting questions about the increases in tuition that they have scheduled for next fall. I heard the board hasn't yet approved the increases, but anytime more money is involved it seems like a yes is moments away," James blabbered on as I felt my phone vibrate again in my pocket and I smiled smugly as I finished off my beer and put my cup down on a small table behind us as I fished the phone out of my pocket.

"Sorry, just give me one minute to check this," I explained to James with false sincerity as he nodded his head in response. Alice and Jasper took the moment to break away from us and head into the kitchen for a refill, but I turned down their offer for a refill. I had to be in the right frame of mind when fuckery was a foot.

_Tell him you are spoken for Bella –E_

_But I'm not –B_

_You scream my name when I make you cum Bella –E_

_Then why aren't you standing here with me? –B_

Feeling rather bold, I turned my phone off and shoved it back in my pocket and looked over at Edward with a smug grin. If he wanted to keep us a secret and pretend like he didn't know me, I could do the exact same thing. Edward narrowed his eyes when he held his phone to his ear, attempting to call me, when he realized I had turned my phone off. I was getting tired of all these damn games and tonight was just making the situation worse. Between my being drunk, and him being a complete asshole, I was on the verge of telling him to shit or get off the pot, pardon my French.

"So you play the guitar huh? What kind of music do you play?" asked James, pulling me from my thoughts, which kind of annoyed me as much as his voice.

"A little bit of everything really," I replied as I tried to fake enthusiasm about our conversation but my mind was overcome with thoughts of Edward. The whole situation was exacerbated when I looked over at where he had been perched and found him gone. I knew I shouldn't have been worried, because it was him who was treating me like a fucking pariah, but I didn't want to lose him. It was seriously pathetic. "Umm... oh music types right? I play acoustic guitar and tend to lean towards more adult alternative I guess you would call it. I like almost all kinds of music, except techno. I don't get that shit."

"Bella, some guy just handed me this note for you in the kitchen. Are you sure your Owen isn't here?" Alice asked as she handed me the small scrap of paper. "If it's not Owen, let me just say that a third party phone number pass along is pretty lame. Toss it away."

"I have no idea who it's from," I lied as James eyed the paper curiously and I opened it up to see Edward's tentative scrawl across the page. I hadn't been against using sex as a reward whenever he didn't want to do any of his schoolwork during the past few weeks and it had worked brilliantly for both of us, plus I had his handwriting practically memorized from these efforts.

_Upstairs, 2__nd__ door on the right, five minutes._

I shoved the piece of paper in my pocket and claimed it was a number from someone I didn't know as I tried to focus on our conversation. Unfortunately for me, time seemed to slow and I became nervous as I waited for the five minutes to pass. Thankfully when the time was almost up, I had to go to the bathroom, so I interrupted our conversation to excuse myself and headed upstairs to use the bathroom and then find the 2nd door on the right.

"You're two minutes late," Edward said sternly as I walked into the room after going to the bathroom, which had someone already waiting in line when I got there.

"I had to break the seal, Warden. Are you alright with that?"

"Don't try my patience Bella."

"Hello pot… this is kettle, your black. I've been more than patient with you over the past few weeks while you hid me away in your apartment or my music room and fucked me for your enjoyment," I stammered drunkenly as Edward raised his eye brow up in shock. Yeah asshole, booze makes me courageous and uninhibited.

"Are you claiming you didn't enjoy me fucking you?" he asked as his eyes darkened and he moved towards the door, pressing me against it as his hands rested on either side of my head.

"I never said that," I forced out nervously as one of Edward's hands began to move down my neck, along my shoulder and down my bare arm. I was shivering involuntary from his touch, and his frown turned into a small, sly smile when he noticed my reaction. "What I was trying to say was that you claim me as 'spoken for' via text message less than an hour ago, but you don't do anything to prove to anyone other than you or me that I am yours. I'm not even sure if you want me to be yours. You give mixed signals and it's so fucking confusing and…"

Before I had a chance to finish my statement, Edward's hand had grabbed the back of my head and he was pressing his lips hard against mine. My head was overwhelmed by a mixture of fury and lust and I wasn't sure who would win out until Edward cupped my sex with his hand roughly. "Edward," I forced out half-heartedly as his hands then moved slowly up my sides and under my tank top to grasp my breasts firmly.

"Tell me you want me to stop," he said, his voice deep with lust as I looked deep into his eyes and felt like he was looking into my soul or some shit like that. I wanted him to just answer my questions and find out what was going on his mind and what we were to each other, but instead his lips connected with mine and I couldn't help the groan that fell from my lips. The situation made me even less coherent when Edward used one hand to hitch my leg onto his hip and then he pressed his hard cock against me, grinding himself against me furiously as my panties began to dampen.

"Bella, do you want me to stop?" he asked again as I shook my head vehemently from side to side as Edward grabbed at my ass and lifted me up against the door, my other leg wrapping around him as he pressed me against the door again and I could feel all of him against my aching pussy. I reached up and tugged on his hair, pulling it back slightly as my lips attached to his neck and I began sucking furiously, then licking up his neck and kissing his lips as hard as I could.

Edward kept his hands attached to my ass as he moved us away from the door and I noticed him looking around someone's bedroom, not sure where to take me. "Anywhere Edward, I need you," I purred into his neck as I felt him place me down against something hard as he kept himself between my legs and the immediately reached to my waist and began fumbling desperately with my jeans as he tried to pull them off of me.

"Lift up," he directed me as his eyes focused on mine, but his hands rested on the waist of my jeans, which he then pulled off, along with my black lace panties, the moment I had followed his request. Within seconds his own pants were pooled at his ankles and he was sheathing himself with a condom he had pulled from his back pocket. "I missed you this week," he admitted as he grabbed my ass and pulled me right to the end of the desk I was sitting on and he thrust his cock inside me in one quick movement, and he let out a low grunt. "So fucking perfect."

I gripped the edge of the desk as papers and books began falling from the surface around us, neither of us giving a shit as Edward pounded his cock into me and kept his eyes trained on me. "Oh god," I said under my breath as Edward grasped the back of my head and pulled me in to him for a kiss that I could only describe as breathtaking. There were tongues and lips everywhere and he tasted so good… like weed and peppermint and I wished we were back in his apartment so that we could just pass out like usual afterwards.

"Never question how I feel about you Bella," Edward whispered into my neck as I wrapped my legs around him and he continued to fuck me relentlessly. His voice sounded so genuine, and laced with desire that I couldn't help but think he was being honest with me. "I care about you so fucking much," he added as I felt his hand between our bodies, his finger pressed against my clit. "Now cum for me… I need you to cum for me."

"Oh god yes," I stammered as I leaned back slightly, my hand clutched tightly around Edward's forearm as I tried not to fall back too far and hit the wall behind me. Edward re-gripped his hand that was clutching my ass and he pulled me closer to the edge of the desk again as I felt his fingers press harder against my clit, rubbing circles furiously around my hard nub as I became undone. "Oh god Edward… fuck… yes… fuck me baby."

"Say it again," he pleaded breathlessly as I looked at his eyes and couldn't decipher the emotion I was seeing there.

"Fuck me baby," I repeated as Edward used both hands to grip my hips and thrust into me two more times before finding his own release, his forehead falling against mine.

"You're coming home with me, now. Text or call whoever you came with and let them know," he said with deliberate force as he handed me my pants and panties before pulling his own jeans and boxer briefs back on.

"Oh and what do I tell them? You don't exist remember?" I replied caustically, somewhat surprised at how brazen and angry I was being considering he just gave me a mind blowing orgasm. "Do I tell Alice I'm just up and disappearing with some random guy? I can't do that because she will man the doors until we leave and then give you the third degree."

"You are an independent woman Bella, who cares what you tell her. You are coming home with me. I can't sleep without you anymore," he admitted and my pathetic little heart melted for a moment because I was hopeful this meant more for us. However, I should have known better than to get my hopes up where Edward was concerned. He had mastered the term aloof and distant unless we were fucking.

"What am I to you?" I questioned quietly as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it back on. I had 3 missed calls, all from Alice.

"You're mine."

"Define mine?"

"Why do you need to define what we are to each other?"

"Why do you need to act like I don't exist outside of your fucking bedroom?" I snapped in response as Edward's eyes grew huge.

"Why do you have to question everything? Can't you just appreciate how much I fucking want you and how well we work together? So, do you want to come home with me or not Bella?"

I looked down at my cell phone and punched in Alice's number on my speed dial before I raised my cell phone to my ear. "Hi Alice," I said quietly as I held the phone away from my ear and Edward and I both listened as she berated me for disappearing and turning off my phone. "Yeah, I know Alice. I could be kidnapped or something, but I wasn't. I'm fine. I'm with Owen."

Edward looked at me curiously and mouthed 'Owen' questioningly as I swatted my hand away. He then caught me off guard by moving behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, in a rather loving move. I was about to tell Alice to meet me at the door to go home because I was getting frustrated, but I instantly changed my mind, even though in the back of my mind I knew I might regret it. "Yeah, I'm going to go get some coffee with him, so don't expect me home anytime soon."

I listened to her remind me to be careful and call me if I needed her, but it sounded more like the teacher from the Peanuts than anything else because I wasn't really paying attention. When we hung up, Edward looked at me expectantly before speaking. "Did you bring a coat? Fuck, I hope you brought a coat otherwise you are going to freeze to death babe."

"Yeah, it's downstairs. I'll go get it and meet you at your car or something… where are you parked?"

"I can go with you to get your coat ya know."

I did a double take and was even more shocked when he grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers in mine before leading us out the door and down the stairs. "I thought this was what you wanted," he said as I grabbed my coat from the front closet and began to put it on. Edward insisted he had a hoodie in his car to keep him warm as he made sure I was warm and wrapped his arm over my shoulder as he guided me out the door. "I'm trying to make an effort, but a leopard doesn't change its spots overnight."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So tomorrow morning I'm heading to Niagara Falls for the night with the family. Rather than leave you all in the lurch, I have this chapter for you. Bear in mind, MIFFY will not update for a few more days, possibly even until next weekend. Everything else I am writing is currently with the Beta, so things will update next week.**

**More notes at the bottom. I don't own Twilight; in fact I don't even own New Moon yet, it's in the mail along with the copy for MaggieMay14, my ever fabulous beta and friend. Thanks Risbee**

_It's all been said  
Once before  
We fucked around  
On your bedroom floor _

_-Sundrenched World by Joshua Radin_

**BPOV**

Edward opened the car door for me and waited with a wide smile as I slid into my seat. "You look too happy," I commented aimlessly as he shut the door behind me and practically ran to the driver's side. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Two beers. I haven't had a drink since I saw you though," he said as he sat down beside me and pushed the key into the ignition, starting it immediately and then resting his right hand on my thigh before he pulled away into the night. "If I look happy, it's because I am. I have you don't I?"

"Do you?" I questioned timidly as we pulled to a stop at the stop light around the house from the party.

"Yeah, I do," he said smugly as he patted my inner thigh gently and then focused his attention back on the road._ "_Just cause we aren't your conventional, every day couple, doesn't mean what we have is any less valued."

"And just what do we have?" I asked, trying to pry from him for any sort of information as to how he felt about me. I had already pissed him off a few minutes earlier, but he had given me such a perfect opening, I couldn't help but try and get him to say something. Hell, him saying anything would be better than nothing.

"We have a connection Bella. Now let's go to my place please?" I simply nodded and slunk down into my seat, staring out the window as 'Passing Afternoon' one of my favorite Iron &Wine songs started playing out of his iPod. I turned and looked at him incredulously as a small grin crossed his face. "Contrary to what you might think, I really do pay attention to you Bella."

I couldn't manage a proper response to him, so I simply smile in return and continued to stare out the window as we silently drove back to Edward's apartment. My mind was running a mile a minute as I thought back to some of our previous conversations, both on the phone and in person. He was right… I didn't give him much credit for knowing me, but he really did pay attention. He always mentioned my favorite movies, books and songs to me and he even asked me about life back in Forks. I felt like an ass because the only information I knew about Edward was what he had offered up; I rarely questioned him about anything. I told myself that I needed to rectify this as soon as possible.

When we got back to his place, Edward led me up to his apartment, ignoring the obvious party that was happening on the first floor. "Do you want something to drink?" he asked sweetly as I took off my coat and the odd scarf thing that Alice had made me wear, and tossed gently them onto a chair in his dining area. I shook my head 'no' and moved around his living room with purpose, looking for some sign of life to start a conversation with him about his life before Chicago.

"Why don't you have any pictures of your family?" I asked curiously as Edward walked up behind me with a beer in his hand as I was checking out a picture of him with a group of friends from high school. Edward was wearing a baseball uniform and I had to restrain a laugh because he didn't seem to me like the kind of guy who enjoyed sports… or group activities.

"My family and I don't really get along so well. We're just very different and they wanted me to be someone I wasn't," he said simply with a hint of annoyance. I felt his free hand slip around my waist and dip below the waistband of my jeans, his fingers ghosting lightly along my skin, as he pressed his hard cock against my lower back.

"Like someone who played baseball?" I questioned breathlessly, trying to ignore what he was doing to my body and staying focused. I picked up the frame and ran my finger reverently over the small image of Edward, who looked so happy in the photo it was surprising. "To be honest you don't seem like the kind of guy who umm… "

"Participates?" he asked with a laugh as I nodded my head slowly in response. "I was a lot of things in high school. I was captain of the baseball team, junior class president and even tutored a few kids my senior year. None of it ever felt like something I should be doing with my life. My mother was the one who insisted on my playing baseball and though it was fun for a while, it lost its appeal the older I got."

I was shocked by how frank Edward was being with me, but I really didn't want it to stop. I wanted to know everything about him that he was willing to share with me. So I urged him to continue and was floored at how open he was.

Edward pulled me onto his lap on his couch and I sat sideways as he told me he didn't feel like he would ever live up to the expectations of his parents. His sister had done everything by the book, going to Sarah Lawrence like his mother had. She had joined the same sorority and was everything his parents wanted her to be. She even married someone that his parents both loved and after being married for two years, they got pregnant. "I don't think Jane is really all that happy with her life, but my parents are thrilled," he said through clenched teeth as his hands moved slowly against my legs, rubbing them tenderly, which seemed to calm him a bit.

"Did you do all this just to rebel?" I asked boldly as Edward's lips found the side of my neck and he kissed me sweetly, startling me yet again.

"No. I did it as a way of trying to find myself and what I really wanted to do. I haven't succeeded as of yet, but I've had fun trying," he said as his hand then slipped up my shirt to cup my breast, tugging on the satin of the fabric and my nipple at the same time. I suddenly felt my mind begin over thinking again, and I wondered if perhaps I was just a fun distraction along the way, until he found something he really wanted. I didn't want that to happen.

"What are you thinking?" he asked as his hand fell to my lap and his fingers ghosted lightly up the side of my neck.

"Just over analyzing everything like usual," I admitted with a sigh as I stared at him, my eyes completely focused on his. I couldn't remember a time when he looked so sincere and genuine, so I grabbed his face with both of my hands and kissed him passionately as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer to him. "I need to stop thinking when I am with you."

"I agree," he said as he repositioned me on his lap till I was straddling him and stroked the back of my neck and pulled my face down to meet his. I could feel his hardness straining against his jeans as I rocked my hips back and forth ever so slowly. "I also think you need to be naked when you are with me."

"Oh really?" I said as I quirked my eye brow and looked at him with a grin. Edward just nodded his head and clasped his hands firmly on my ass, lifting me with him as he stood off the couch.

"Yes, really," he replied firmly as I noticed his eyes had darkened and his voice was lower than usual. I cracked a small smile as I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck and began kissing him desperately.

As we walked into his small bedroom, Edward tripped over a shoe on right beside his door and we both tumbled to the floor, with Edward landing awkwardly on his knees as my ass hit the hard carpet and one of his hands reached up to cup my head and stop it from hitting the floor.

"Oh my god, I am so fucking sorry. I should have cleaned and this is…" Edward kept mumbling out apologies, but I really didn't care what he had to say at that moment.

"Edward. Shut up and fuck me," I replied as his eyes grew wide and I released my hands from around his neck and began to pull off his shirt eagerly, my hands taking in the defined angles of his chest as he rested me onto his floor and began to remove my jeans, tugging them off swiftly in frustration.

"Are these fucking things painted on?" he asked with a huff when he finally got them off and threw them over his shoulder, knocking something off his dresser in the process, which he clearly didn't give a shit about.

"Blame Alice, she made me wear them. Hell, I didn't even want to go to that party tonight," I admitted as I pulled my own shirt off and Edward made quick work of his jeans and boxers. I was in the process of undoing my bra when Edward simply pulled the fabric down to cup my breasts and he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth, humming contentedly as my head fell back against the carpeted floor. "Thank god for Alice."

"I agree," Edward murmured as he switched to my other breast and his hands cupped them firmly, teasing my erect nipples as he tugged one between his teeth, nibbling it forcefully as I felt him spread my legs open. I had never been as sexually charged as I was when I was with Edward, and the more I got to know him, the more I wanted him. Even despite my reservations about the validity of our relationship and what I truly meant to him, I couldn't stop what was happening between us. We were like a runaway freight train that was bound to crash, but you couldn't help it. You had to watch and see the wreckage that occurred.

"Ah fuck," I cursed out loudly as Edward's talented fingers found my clit and he began pinching and teasing me, pulling me out of my erratic thoughts. I was on the verge of saying something else when Edward slide down the floor and pushed my legs up till my knees were bent. His forearms held me open to him as his mouth descended on me and his tongue was probing my depths with ease. "Oh my fuck… don't stop."

Edward said nothing, but wrapped his mouth around my clit, sucking on it furiously as I wrapped my hands through his hair and pulled him against me, wanting to feel only his tongue and fingers as they worked my body like a priceless instrument. I cried out as he tugged on my clit and his fingers found the spot inside me that made me come undone. My body arched off of the floor as Edward then lapped at me, tasting every inch of me before he pulled back slightly, resting on his knees.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he said, his voice hard and unrelenting as I watched him grab at a condom from the back pocket of his jeans and sheath his hard cock. He stroked himself a few times as I watched in awe before he grabbed my ankles and pulled me closer to him. His finger teased my sensitive clit as he leaned forward, positioning his cock right at my entrance. "Have I told you how much I love fucking you?"

"Ugh," was all I was able to say as Edward buried himself inside me, hovering above me on his elbows as he pistioned his cock inside of me, making my body shiver with the force of the electricity between us.

"I do. Fuck, I do so much… your body was meant for me," he growled as he leaned down and buried his face in my neck, licking at the soft skin at the junction of my shoulder and neck. "I need you," he added breathlessly as I wrapped my legs around him tightly, urging him in deeper as he grabbed one leg and hitched it onto his shoulder, pressing his cock deeper and deeper inside me.

"Play with your tits Bella," he insisted as my hands moved slowly from his shoulders to my own tender breasts, plucking at my hard nipples as Edward remained focused above me, his eyes focused on mine. "Jesus, you are so fucking perfect. Just for me."

"Just for you," I replied in a breathy moan as I moved one hand between us and began tugging and flicking my clit as I lolled my head back and came hard again, squeezing his cock within my tightness as Edward's forehead creased and he picked up his pace. I could see the sweat glistening on his forehead as he strained to hold back his release. "Come for me Edward… come inside me."

He didn't even need my urging because as my hands gripped his ass, spurring him on, he grunted loudly and came inside of me, his head resting on my chest for a moment as he composed himself and tried to calm down. "Is it just me or does it seem like we never have sex on a bed?" he asked as he sat up, wrapping his arm around me, pulling me with him.

He stood up and reached for my hand, which I eagerly granted him as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me hard the moment I was upright, his tongue desperately searching for mine. "Go freshen up and let's go to bed," he said with a grin as I turned to head into his bathroom and he swatted my bare ass.

When I finally curled up beside him in his bed, things felt different between us; better actually. He gently stroked my hair and he told me how he discovered the joys of smoking weed when he was sixteen, through the influence of his older sisters' ex-boyfriend Marcus. Jane had threatened to tattle on him, but Edward reminded her about some party that involved her breaking a rather priceless vase, that she then blamed on their housekeeper who was swiftly fired. "Like I said, she is always perfect in my parents' eyes."

"Does that piss you off? That Jane can do no wrong by them?" I questioned as Edward buried his head into my neck and kissed my chin sweetly.

"Not anymore. I'm going to be who I want to be and if they don't like it, they can go fuck themselves," he said caustically as I ran my fingers through his hair before kissing his temple.

"I like that way of thinking, now let's go to sleep," I declared as Edward ran his fingers along my inner thigh.

"Are you sure that is what you really want Bella?"

"Go to sleep Edward. I'm not going anywhere," I declared as he tightened his grip on me and rested his head against my chest. He fell asleep shortly after and I stayed awake, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what the hell I was going to do about the enigma that was Edward Cullen.

*~*~*~*

Four days later, life has gone back to normal. Well, normal for Edward and me. I passed him at Lisa's Café, but he ignored my existence, which made my heart ache. I had tried to reach out for his arm as he walked by with his lunch, while I stood in the massive line waiting, but he moved out of reach and never made eye contact with me, even though he knew full well that I was there. The rest of my afternoon was shot to hell because I couldn't help but wonder what the hell had caused the change in Edward.

I worked through my shift in the music office, listening to Mrs. Cope sing Michael Buble off key for the afternoon as I copied documents for her and filed away the year's worth of paperwork that was sitting around the office. I appreciated the job because it really was easy money, but the monotony meant it was easier for me to get wrapped up in my mind allowing me to scrutinze everything that was happening, and before I knew it, Mrs. Cope was pushing me out the door because it was time to go home.

However, I didn't want to go home. I wanted to go to Edward's and find out what the hell was going on between us. He couldn't just pour out stories of his past and his concerns about his family to me one second and then act like I was a pariah the next.

"Isabella, do you have a few minutes to talk to me?" yelled out Professor Davis as I walked down the hallway clutching my guitar case, with my backpack slung over my shoulder. I stopped in place and waited till he caught up to me.

"Evening Professor. You're working kind of late aren't you?" I asked, trying to be personable with him. He had graded my last report with a 'C', and left a note that informed me that we needed to discuss it, but I had been avoiding him. I had enough going on in my life these days that I really didn't want to sit down with him and listen to him lecture me about my failing grades and how important it was that I keep them up. A 'C' wasn't even a fail; it just wasn't my best.

"Yeah well, I'm trying to get ahead in my grading, so I decided to stay behind tonight. Speaking of grading, I wanted to discuss with you the recent downturn of your grades in my class," he said, speaking formally and very rigidly. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was disappointed in me, and I really didn't want to let him down because he had gone above and beyond to help me with guitar ensemble and the job in the music department office. I regrettably felt like shit.

"I'm sorry Professor, I had some real life drama I had to attend to, but I promise I'll be back up to my usual standards by the time the exam comes around," I advised him as he let out a short growl and nodded his head in response. I could tell he was listening to me speak, he just didn't believe me.

"Isabella, you are a very smart girl. The final exam is in two weeks and if your grades don't stay up, you can't stay in guitar ensemble. I don't want to see all of your hard work be for naught," he said as he tentatively reached up and rested his hand on my shoulder, his thumb moving against the fabric of my sweater as he tried to reassure me. "If you find yourself needing additional assistance, I would be more than happy to help you as much as my schedule will allow."

"I think the girl will do fine without your kind of assistance," I heard a gruff voice reply from behind me causing Davis to drop his hand to his side. When I looked up, Edward was standing there looking absolutely livid at the situation he had just walked up on. I couldn't tell if it was with me or with Davis though. "Aren't there rules against fraternizing with your students, Professor?" Edward asked him smugly as he stalked closer, coming to a rest beside me. I glared up at Edward, my mind wondering what the hell he was doing here, as he then draped his arm over my shoulder as though he was staking a claim on me. Oh… so now he suddenly gave a shit?

"Perhaps this is the reason for your real life issues Isabella?" Professor Davis questioned as he looked with narrowed eyes between Edward and I.

"No sir, he's not. Thank you so much for the offer of assistance, but I think I will be able to manage by myself to prepare for the final exam."

"The offer still stands Isabella. I would hate to see you ruin all your progress because of… well because of your real life drama," he said as he eyed up Edward with a look of disgust before turning on his heel and heading back towards his office.

"What the fuck Bella?" Edward asked as he removed his arm from my shoulder and turned to face me. I stammered over my thoughts and words, unsure of what to say to him with the exception of one thing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked as I slung my backpack tighter onto my shoulder and turned on my heel, heading towards the exit of the building. All I wanted to do at that moment was run back to my apartment and bury myself under my covers. Perhaps even cry for a few hours and then eat a bucket of Ben & Jerry's Boston Cream Pie.

"Davis was all over you. How is it you don't see that he is flirting with you Bella?"

"He was not flirting. I got a 'C' on my last report in his class, probably because I was too busy hanging out with you, rather than studying. I haven't ever gotten a 'C' before Edward. Never. He was just expressing concern over my grade and offering help."

"Oh he wants to help himself to something alright."

"Shut up Edward. He's my teacher, not my lover. After all, my lover acts like I'm shit he scraped off his shoe when we are anywhere but his apartment. Am I suddenly good enough for you to talk to?"

"I have no idea what the hell you are talking about," he said as his voice calmed considerably, but I just got even angrier that he was trying to downplay what happened at lunch time.

"You don't recall seeing me at Lisa's today and basically turning away when I tried to reach out to you? You act like I don't exist, but then the moment someone else talks to me, you go all fucking caveman on me. Did you want to grab my hair and drag me back to your fucking cave Edward? That's all you want from me anyways isn't it?" I shouted angrily as I stomped outside the building and realized how cold it was. I stopped and fished my jacket out of my backpack, putting it on in a huff as Edward just stood before me, as still as a sculpture. "All you want is to be able to fuck me, right? It's not like I'm your girlfriend. You act like we're complete strangers in public and then inside your apartment, you treat me like I am made of gold."

Edward kept opening his mouth as though he was going to say something, but nothing came out. I had no idea where this newfound boldness was coming from, but I was embracing it as I grew angrier with Edward for how he treated me. "Oh that's right… we're in public now, you can't fucking talk to me."

I zipped up my coat and grabbed my guitar case from the ground and began irately stomping away, not giving a shit that Edward wasn't following me. If anything, it was probably good thing that he wasn't chasing after me. This was probably the epiphany I had been waiting for; something to finally draw me away from the toxic relationship I had built with Edward. Then again, it's not much of a relationship if no one knows about it right? I'm just his pathetically eager booty call who drops everything to go have him fuck me three ways till Sunday, because he does it so fucking well and leaves me aching for more. Well, I've had enough.

"I'm falling in love with you."

Suddenly I couldn't move anymore as his words rang over and over again in my head. My resolve and newfound determination were shattering around me as Edward spoke those six little words that I knew would ruin this for me. Love. He was falling love with me and I was stupid enough to let it happen.

I knew that we were not healthy together. In fact, we were so far from fucking healthy I was expecting Dr. Drew to show up with Dr. Phil and host an intervention. Edward was bringing me down and I knew it was no better for him. If he thought of me even half as much as I thought about him, there was no way he could function normally.

I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me against his chest and the moment his face buried in my hair, I knew my resolve was quickly fading. "This isn't good for us. We aren't good for each other," I whispered quietly as Edward swept my hair from my neck and kissed me gently.

"You're perfect for me."

"No Edward, we aren't good together. No matter what you say, until you can admit what we are, we're just ruining each other. You're the fucking drug that is ruining me and every day I gladly hand you the syringe and ball up my fist so you can inject me."

"Now you are just being over dramatic."

"You're killing me. I can't do us anymore," I said against his lips as he turned my head slightly and began kissing me, his hands holding me tight against him. I knew this wasn't good, but fuck it felt so good. His tongue slipped between my lips and we melded together, fitting perfectly, in the worst possible way.

"Just let me love you. I will give you everything you need, I promise," Edward whispered as he sucked my ear lobe into his mouth, nibbling gently as I felt his erection press against me. "Let me show you how much I care for you."

All my willpower dissolved in that moment as Edward then pressed me up against the wall of the building, his hands gripping my hips as he ground his cock against me and his mouth explored mine like he was searching for the new world. My thoughts and plans for leaving Edward because I knew he was no good for me were gone now. I was completely and hopelessly addicted to him; there was no turning back no matter how hard I tried.

When he asked me to come home with him, I nodded my head but didn't speak. I just watched as he took my guitar from me and led me around the building to the parking lot where his car was located. I shook my head and chastised myself for having so little control around him. Was this really all it took? Him to smile crookedly at me and mention the word love and all the logical thoughts I had for the past few days flew out the window? Was I not stronger than this?

"Come to my place. I'll order us some Thai and help you study for this exam that Professor Asshole is all over you about," Edward suggested sweetly as I felt his arm snake around my waist, holding me gently against him.

"That sounds fine," I mumbled quietly as I hung my head slightly, hiding from the harsh winter Chicago wind and my complete lack of self confidence. Why couldn't I just stand up for myself? I can tell him how I feel, but I never back it up. I always crumble beneath his sweet words and gentle gestures and it's getting ridiculous. Why couldn't I just tell him that it was all or nothing for me?

Simple. It was because I was falling in love with him too and I was pathetic enough to take whatever I could get from him.

**A/N: So I signed up again for the Fandom Gives Back Auction: Eclipse Edition, today. If you are an author, craftsperson, banner maker or just creative in some way, head on over to thefandomgivesback (dot) com and sign up your services and help raise money for an excellent cause, Alex's Lemonade Stand and childhood cancer. Let's do our best to top the $86,000 we raised during the November auctions.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_I'm talking to you  
But you're not listening  
I don't know what to do  
My hands are blistering  
Writing this song  
Tell me I belong_

Tell me I belong  
Tell me I  
Tell me I belong

_-Sundrenched World by Joshua Radin_

"So, are you heading home for the holidays?" Alice asked curiously as I sat in the living room on a Sunday afternoon, my guitar in my lap and no music coming out whatsoever. For the past few weeks I had been completely blocked about what to write and it was bothering me to no end. Alice knew I was blocked because she seemed to hover and question me more than usual. On those days when I tended to feel stifled, I would generally call up Edward and we would go back to his place to relax, but today, he wasn't answering his phone. My nerves were on edge more than usual.

"Yeah um… my parents sent me tickets since I couldn't make it home for Thanksgiving and all," I replied simply as Alice came over to sit beside me on the couch, curling her feet underneath her as she stared me down.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Depends, do you want me to be honest in replying to you?"

"That would be helpful, yeah."

"You can ask… I'm not giving any promises as to whether I will be honest with you though."

"Where do you go when you leave here and stay away all night?" I sat there, completely dumbfounded and unsure of what to say to her. "I'm not stupid enough to believe that you stay at the school in that music room, but I would think that we were friendly enough that you would tell me about someone special in your life."

Remorse began to overtake me and I felt horrible because Alice was right, we were on such terms that I should have been honest with her about having a guy in my life, but I couldn't do it. Every fiber of my being just wanted to blurt out that I was in love with Edward, but instead I sat still on the couch, watching her stare me down and couldn't even come up with a decent enough lie that would get her off my back.

"We are friends Alice, but this is one of those things you just need to trust me on," I said reluctantly, hoping that she would just listen to me.

"I'm worried about you, Bella."

"There's no need to be worried, I promise."

"Are you having money issues? Did you need to take another job and are too proud to tell me?" Alice pried as I rolled my eyes and lifted my guitar off my lap as I stood up.

"Don't you think if I was having some major issue, I would have told you Alice?" I answered snarkily as she stood up and stared me down again. No wonder Jasper always did what she said; Alice had a stare that would scare the pants off of anyone. "I meant it when I said you need to trust me."

"Why can't you trust me in return?" I rolled my eyes and strolled from the living room, heading to my bedroom, where I slammed the door firmly in frustration. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Edward's number again, wondering why Alice couldn't leave well enough alone. When the call went through to voicemail again, which was the second time ever that Edward hadn't answered my call, my curiosity began to get the better of me.

I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to go over to his apartment, but I needed to get away from Alice. So, I did what I used to do before Edward came into my life… I went to campus and locked myself away in the rehearsal room that used to be my world.

I sat in my favorite chair, playing some of my old favorites on my guitar and then I pulled out my notebook from my backpack, feeling the urge to write about how I was feeling. I was shocked at how quickly a new song came forth, the lyrics filling up my book with little notes and ideas written alongside the margins. When I glanced down at my cell phone, which hadn't rang since I left the apartment three hours earlier, I noticed it was already five in the evening.

My stomach began to grumble loudly and I was about to pack all my stuff up and head home to a big bowl of tomato soup with a side of grilled cheese, my ultimate comfort food, when I heard the door to the room open up and there stood Professor Davis.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to find anyone in here today," he said simply as I stood up and began packing my things away, feeling a little uncomfortable in his presence. After our last run in, and Edward's continued insistence that Davis was after something more than seeing me succeed in school, I couldn't help the nagging feeling that he was right, especially now. "How have you been Bella? You've been a little quiet in my class as of late."

"I've been fine Professor. A little overwhelmed with school, rehearsals for the guitar ensemble and my work, but I think I've been managing it all alright."

"I doubt your boyfriend is making life any easier," he said with a small, knowing grin as I leaned my head down and shoved my notebook into my bag. "He seems a bit overprotective." When I looked up, Davis was a lot closer to me than previously and had a small grin on his face.

"Uh… yeah, he can be a bit much at times. He's due here anytime soon though," I said shakily, hoping that Davis would believe me. I knew was a no good at lying, but I hoped that I was pulling it off at that moment. I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and went to slip it on when I felt Davis' hands on my shoulders, effectively stopping me from doing anything further.

"You know Bella… when most of my students get such favorable treatment from me… a job, a prime spot in the guitar ensemble and excellent grades, they usually tend to thank me." Davis was more than creeping me out now as I shivered beneath his touch while his hands moved slowly down my arms. He moved until he was right behind me, his clearly hard cock pressing into my lower back as his hands gripped my wrists firmly. "You haven't thanked me."

"I'll remember that when I do my first solo performance," I replied as I tried to tug my hands out of his grasp, to no avail. All I could do at that moment was wonder where Edward was. Why wasn't he answering his phone? Why did he have to be right about Professor Davis and where the hell was he when I needed him?

"That wasn't what I meant by thanking me Bella," he said deeply, his mouth right beside my ear as his breath was felt in rapid succession against my neck. "I was thinking you could just bend over right now and I could show you the proper way to give thanks to me." I fought back the urge to cry and vomit as his hand released one of my wrists and he moved it lower, cupping my pussy and making me shudder violently.

"I bet you are a great fuck, which is why that boyfriend won't let you out of his sight for two fucking seconds. You probably have a nice tight pussy, don't you Bella?" I squirmed slightly within his tight grasp and when his free hand rose slightly and his fingers brushed against my torso making me shudder in fear. My breath was picking up and growing more erratic as my body reacted to the situation I found myself in. I was petrified as David then tried to reach up and unzip my jeans to gain access to me. I may have been a pushover in certain aspects of my life and scared of out my mind at that exact moment, but I knew there was no way I was going to let Professor Davis get the better of me.

I took my free hand and turned my body slightly, reaching my hand up to poke him in the eye with my fingers. "Fucking bitch," he cursed loudly as he released his grip on me and I was able to struggle free. When I was facing him, his hand covering his sore eye, I couldn't help but be reminded of all the self defense techniques my police chief father had taught me over the years. I lifted my knee up and swiftly kneed him in the groin and as he doubled over in pain, I proceeded to connect my fist with his jaw, before watching him crumble onto the floor in satisfaction. Holy fucking rush of adrenaline that was.

I grabbed my bag, coat and guitar from the chair and sprinted towards the door, my knuckles and hand throbbing in pain as I fumbled with the lock. When I had finally unlocked it, I ran out the door and down the hallway, frantic and sobbing heavily. Finally using my brain for once, I ran until I found a faculty member and quickly informed her what happened. Mrs. Higgs turned out to be a coordinator of Piano Studies and was doing some extra tutoring sessions for students before winter break let out.

She guided me down to the security office, where we filed a report detailing the assault and she informed me that I would probably be getting a call soon from either the head of the department, or another higher up who would request the details of the incident all over again. As was necessary, the security department called the police and I filed another report so that I could press charges against him. I rubbed my eyes after explaining the situation for the third time and agreed, because I didn't want Davis to get away with anything that had gone on between us. He made it abundantly clear that I was not the first student he had helped, but I was obviously the first who had beat the hell out of him for trying anything.

Two and a half grueling hours later, I found myself standing in front of Edward's apartment door, unsure of whether to knock. Just as I lifted my hand, deciding that I needed to talk to him about everything that had gone on today and since we met, the door opened and there stood a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman. "Umm… well isn't this weird."

"I'd say," I replied through clenched teeth as she warily eyed me up.

"We were just about to go out for dinner. Is there something I can help you with?" she asked sweetly as I slowly took all of her in. She had long blonde hair and a killer body. Her nails were manicured, she didn't have a single split end and her shoes probably cost more than my monthly rent. Why in the hell would Edward want to be with me when he so clearly had this … bombshell?

I most certainly looked like shit with my red, tear stained eyes highlighted by dark bags underneath of them. My fingers were rough from playing my guitar and my shoes were Converse, and falling apart to top it all off. I was a hot mess and she was simply hot.

"Kate, I'm not dressing up, it's not my style," called out Edward as he came into the living room from the bedroom, buttoning up a long sleeved dress shirt I didn't even know he owned. "Bella. What are you doing here?"

"I'm leaving actually," I said as I grabbed my case and bag and ran as quickly as I could down the hallway towards the stairs. My mind began working in overdrive as I wondered why the hell I had even bothered to come by and see him. He hadn't answered his phone all day, we hadn't spoken in depth for a while and it looked like he was avoiding me like the plague. It was clearly a mistake to show up unannounced. In fact, the whole fucking thing was a mistake.

_You went because he's supposed to be your boyfriend and you were almost assaulted a few hours ago, _I reminded myself as I let out a small grunt of annoyance.

I could heard the hard footfalls of Edward behind me, but I kept going until I opened the door, where the cold night air smashed into my face like a brick wall when I stepped outside. I dropped my guitar case and stumbled under the stress of the day and the weight of my bag. When Edward finally stepped outside the door in his bare feet and partially buttoned shirt, he found me on the ground, sobbing heavily.

"What are you doing here?" Edward's fingers tentatively brushed some tears from my face, but his compassion just made the entire scene ten times worse.

"I'm leaving. I came here by accident," I said through my tears. I stood up and held my coat tightly against myself as I slung my bag back onto my shoulder properly and reached for my guitar case, only to have Edward pull it away from my grasp.

"You came here by accident? Well, if that doesn't sound like the biggest crock of shit, I don't know what is."

"You know what is a big crock of shit? You claiming to have any sort of feelings for me. It's all just been some crazy game where you fuck the hell out of me and build up my feelings only to crush me into a million pieces," I said as I threw my hands up in the air in rage. "I fell for your shit hook line and sinker, and even though you weren't the first guy whose nice guy act I fell for, you will certainly be the last." I grasped for my guitar case and yanked it out of Edward's hand as he then reached up and grasped my forearm tightly.

"What the hell are you rambling on about?"

"If you had bothered to answer your cell phone earlier, you would have known Professor Davis tried to attack me about three hours ago," I said with a huge breath. "I went to the rehearsal room to clear my head and play for a bit since I couldn't get in touch with you. As I was getting ready to leave, he showed up and held me against my will, saying that I owed him sexual favors, and I'm putting that nicely, for all the help he's given me this year." I watched as Edward dropped my arm and looked at me with pure fury in his eyes. His teeth clenched and his fists balled tightly at his sides as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"What did I tell you about him?" he stated angrily as I rolled my eyes.

"Did you think I fucking planned on this happening Edward? Maybe if you had answered your fucking cell phone one of the twenty times I tried to call you this morning, then I wouldn't have felt the need to go the school and practice," I retorted as my blood boiled under my skin. "I hate that I have to tell you this, and you reply with a basic 'I told you so'"

"I didn't mean in like that Bella," Edward said, trying to calm his voice down. "I've just been busy today."

"Oh, I noticed that when… Kate, is it, opened the door to your apartment five minutes ago."

"Don't be jealous Bella. It's not… "

"Fuck you. You don't have the right to tell me how to feel. I've just had the shittiest day known to man and I came to find the one person I thought would console me, only to find out he's going on a date with another woman. I knew you were too good to be true," I stammered as I clutched tightly at my guitar case and began to walk away slowly from Edward. "I knew that all your sweet words were nothing more than pure horseshit, but I fell for it anyways. I am such a fucking idiot."

"Bella, you need to give me a chance to explain," said Edward as he looked at me with remorse clear in his eyes and motioned towards the front door of his apartment building. "Come inside where it's nice and warm and I will introduce you to Kate. It's not what you think it is Bella."

"I'm not listening to you anymore. Look where it's gotten me?"

"I told you what was in my heart."

"It was all fucking lies Edward. I see that now. Fuck, I feel like I am seeing clearly for the first time since I met you and it took my fucking professor groping me to make me come to my senses," I said, my voice sounding completely emotionless.

"Nothing I told you was a lie Bella."

"I'm not going inside Edward. I'm going home." It was at that moment, as the words fell from my mouth that I knew Chicago wasn't really for me. Lately it seemed that while each day passed, I was falling deeper and deeper into a depression of my own doing. I was so wrapped up in Edward and being with him, that it wasn't healthy for me. Each time I talked to him and tried to straighten us out, I only bended to his will once again, and this wasn't the real me.

The true Bella was strong, independent and lively. These days, if I wasn't having sex with Edward, I was curled up in my small bedroom studying and writing the most depressing music I had ever done in my entire life. I felt empty as I saw the figure of a woman standing at the door to the apartment building, looking out at Edward and me. She opened the door and peeked out, being careful not to ruin her perfect hair or nails.

"We have to get going Edward, we have a reservation," she said with an anxious smile as she looked between Edward and me, unsure of what the hell was going on.

"Bella, please. I need to talk to you," he said stoically. "Kate, go back inside. I'll be up in a minute with Bella."

"Sorry Edward, I'm not going anywhere with you. Don't you get it… the one time I actually need you, and you're unavailable to me. You promised me that you would give me everything I need, yet you can't even answer your phone. I get it now, I really do. I'm everything to you in your bedroom, and nothing outside of it." I looked towards Kate and motioned towards Edward with my hand. "He's all yours."

I walked slowly from the parking lot and heard Kate behind me reassuring Edward to give me some time and that I would come to my senses. _Not bloody likely_, I thought to myself as my blood continued to boil. I could hear Edward muttering something about needing to talk to me, but Kate was reminding him that he had obligations tonight and that people were waiting for them. Little did she know that I had already given Edward too much of myself in these past few months and he truly didn't deserve me. I was better than this. I was better than him.

When I got back to the apartment, Alice let me know that the Chicago Police had called the apartment and she was all a twitter, wanting to know what was going on. I sat down on the couch and poured my heart out to her, telling her everything about Edward and me, the entire situation with Professor Davis, and finally about finding Edward with Kate. She was quick to pull some ice cream from the freezer and we cuddled on the couch as she listened to me bitch and complain about everything.

Alice was surprisingly supportive, and didn't once give me the 'I told you so' I was expecting from her. Instead, she ran her fingers down my hair and just listened, something that I had needed for a long time. Alice really was a better friend than I deserved, and at just after one in the morning, she helped me climb into bed and stayed with me while I cried myself to sleep.

The next week was filled with avoidance.

I avoided the rehearsal hall and my classes with Professor Davis, even though he wasn't teaching them because he was on indefinite suspension pending an investigation. I avoided calls from my classmates and most of all, I avoided all calls and messages from Edward. I had a meeting with the Dean and a disciplinary council that found me recounting my entire story with Professor Davis again, and they assured me that the proper steps would be taken to prevent something like this from happening again. I left the meeting feeling not any better than I had when I had walked in.

When I got home that afternoon, Alice informed me that she had found a bouquet of flowers on the steps when she walked in. I looked towards our kitchen and there stood a rather colorful arrangement of daises, irises, roses and other flowers I didn't know of. I grabbed the note and read it quickly before ripping it up and tossing the flowers into the garbage, along with the vase.

Alice gave me a gentle hug and then I went into my room and called my mom. Within twenty minutes, I had told her of my intentions and she changed my ticket home for Christmas, so that I was coming home a few days earlier. I began packing up my stuff and when Alice let me know she was leaving for a date with Jasper that night, I bid her a quick farewell.

No point in messy goodbyes.

I packed up the rest of my belongings into the Rubbermaid containers I had in my closet and left her a note.

_Alice,_

_Thanks for being such a loyal friend, and I truly hate to do this to you, but please find a new roommate for the winter semester. I won't be back. A courier will come before Friday to pick up my remaining packages. I really do wish things had been different._

_Bella _

**A/N: I bet a bunch of you weren't expecting that ending, though the Davis thing had been floating out there for a while.**

**I apologize for taking so long to update this story, but now that The Resolution is on it's final legs, the next will be updated much sooner, I promise. Check out my blog coldplaywhore (dot) blogspot (dot) com for teasers and info on all my stories! Thanks to MaggieMay14 for her beta skills. She's the shiznit. I've been nominated as best author in the Silent Tear Awards. Head on over silent-tear-awards (dot) webs (dot) com to vote for your favorites. There are dozens of excellent authors and stories nominated.**

**Who's up for a little EPOV? Tune in next chapter. Leave me some love**_._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: More at the bottom. However, as if you needed to be reminded again…I don't own it. SMeyer owns it though I assume one day Oprah will own it, since she owns everything else.**

**I highly recommend listening to the song referenced in the next chapters 'When You Find Me' by Joshua Radin. It's on You Tube. www . youtube . com ****/watch?v=WToD-sRW-eI**

**Chapter 7**

_Something is said, it sits in my head  
It's been there too long, it's killing me slow_

_When You Find Me by Joshua Radin_

**EPOV**

I stared out the window of my small apartment and let out a sigh as my breath fogged up the glass. I was about to start drawing into the fog with my fingers when my cell phone rang on the small coffee table behind me and I ignored it, like I usually did when my sister called. It was almost Christmas, my least favorite time of the year. It was while people were picking up their pine trees and shopping manically that I usually thought of Bella the most. Well, she tended to always be in my thoughts, but more so now that the holidays were upon me.

I trudged across my cozy living room and opened up the fridge, hoping against hope that something was in there that I wanted to eat, but of course, I was shit out of luck.

"Maybe if you went out to do groceries once in a while, you'd have food in your fridge, dipshit," I chastised myself loudly as I toed off my shoes and then pulled out a menu for my favorite Greek restaurant.

"Perhaps if you didn't spend all your time at school or wallowing in self pity, you'd have food in the house."

_Now, I'm having a fucking argument with myself_, I thought with a groan as I grabbed my cell phone, ignoring the message my sister left and ordered a chicken souvlaki in a pita with extra feta on both the chicken and the Greek salad I got to go along with it. I then tossed my phone on the couch beside me and grabbed the remote, lifting my feet onto my table, as I began flipping through the channels.

Sadly, this was just an example of the everyday life of Edward Cullen. It was lonely, boring and really kind of pathetic now that I thought about it. However, I couldn't find it in me to give a shit or make a change. It just didn't matter to me.

After dinner was consumed, I laid down on the couch, ignoring the papers I had to grade before the semester let out and listened to my iPod as it filled the room. I had made a playlist back when Bella and I were originally dating, or doing whatever the fuck it was we did, and it still haunted me to this day. As the first chords of 'I've Got a Woman', the first song she ever played for me by Bella began, I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh, remembering with overwhelming regret that night four years ago where everything fell apart.

"_I'm not listening to you anymore. Look where's gotten me?"_

"_I told you what was in my heart."_

"_It was all fucking lies Edward. I see this now. Fuck, I feel like I am seeing clearly for the first time since I met you and it took my fucking professor groping me to make me come to my senses," Bella stated firmly ,as I noticed her voice was void of all the previous emotion and love it had held for me. I knew she loved me, and I did love her, in my own way. I just needed more time, but Bella refused to grant me that._

"_Nothing I told you was a lie Bella."_

"_I'm not going inside Edward. I'm going home."_

Little did I realize that _going home_ didn't mean the small two bedroom apartment she shared with Alice, but it meant Washington. Even though that night was one of the worst in my entire existence, and I have had many as of late, it was also a huge turning point for me.

_After Bella left, Kate had to practically drag me back up to my apartment, listening to me bitch over and over again about how I desperately needed to go to Bella and talk to her. When we finally got back into my place, she shut the door behind me and grabbed me firmly by the shoulders."Any girl who doesn't understand that you need to do this tonight doesn't deserve you," she said firmly as I grabbed for my tie off the counter and let out a small groan. Spending the evening with my family wasn't something I wanted to do to begin with, but now I hated it even more. I needed to go to Bella, but Kate wouldn't hear of it._

"_You're just saying that because you're my cousin," I replied as I rolled my eyes as Kate helped me fix my tie, feeling completely out of my element and helpless. This was not something I was looking forward to, but I wasn't exactly keen on having a confrontation with Bella either. Kate ushered me out of the apartment a few minutes later and I sighed again as I noticed Bella's footprints in the snow were now covered up, as though she didn't exist. My heart ached, though at the time I wasn't sure why._

"_I'm saying that in spite of being your cousin. She'll understand Edward."_

_Twenty minutes later, we found ourselves inside of a rather expensive waterfront restaurant, sitting at a table with my family, who all looked as awkward as I felt. "So Edward… this is your city, what do you recommend us seeing tomorrow?"_

"_How about the inside of O'Hare, as you head back home?" I replied stiffly as my father narrowed his eyes at me._

"_Edward, we've had this visit planned for over a month. If you didn't want us to come, you should have told us sooner," he replied as he picked up his glass of scotch and took a small sip. I let out a small laugh, because he was acting as though he didn't almost drink a bottle of the shit every night when we were growing up. I guess this was just social drinking to him._

_I thought back to the times where I explained to Bella, as briefly as possible about my family. I had completely misled her into seeing them as something they weren't. We were anything but close, we didn't celebrate the holidays like normal families and vacations to Disneyworld while we were children was completely out of the question. I had taken up baseball at the insistence of my mother simply so we seemed involved in the community and my high school, but oddly enough, they never came to a single game. The Cullens' of Boston were as far from normal as you could get._

"_It's not like I had any choice in the matter. The reading of Grandfather Masen's will was kind of out of my hands. After all, just like usual, no one told me anything until after the fact," I replied caustically as Kate gave me a small smile. In fact, it had been Kate who had told me about the reading to begin with. My parents may have had the visit scheduled for a while, but they never filled me in on that small detail. "Let's just get this evening over with and then you can all go back to viewing me as a complete disappointment."_

"_Edward has a girlfriend," Kate blurted out as I smacked her on the arm and she narrowed her eyes at me. My mother looked at me with a small smile, hopeful that I had found someone because she knew how difficult it was for me to connect with people. _

"_Oh really?" questioned Jane in her usual sarcastic tone. Was it really that hard to believe that I could have found someone I liked spending time with? Someone I may have loved?_

"_Yes, really. I know you don't approve of my choices, but am I not allowed to be happy?" I retorted angrily as my father polished off the rest of his scotch before slamming his hand down on the table._

"_That's enough. This was meant to be the closest thing we would have to a Christmas dinner since Edward refuses to come home. I will not have it marred with infighting and childishness." I couldn't help but notice how my father emphasized my refusal to go back to Boston, but I didn't care. I didn't feel comfortable in a house where I had been misled my entire life._

"_How is this any different than any other Cullen family Christmas?" I questioned with a laugh. "You drink, mom cries, Jane ignores the existence of any sort of troubles and I sit back and wish I was somewhere else… someone else."_

"_Edward," my mother finally added, her voice sad and disapproving as she attempted to chastise me for speaking my mind. "We're not here to make trouble. My father died a lonely pathetic man because he pushed away his entire family. Do you want the same thing to happen to you?" Jane then narrowed her eyes at me, looking rather smug and I wished I could reach up and smack her. Sadly, we weren't kids anymore and physical violence against women was frowned upon. _

"_Did you ever think that maybe Grandfather Masen wouldn't have died lonely if we had ever seen him?"_

"_Edward, it was his choice not to spend any time with us," my mother said simply as she grabbed for her glass of wine. "He didn't approve of my marriage to Carlisle, which was why he shut us out of his will."_

"_Actually mother, he shut __**you**__ out of his will. If you recall the reading earlier in the day, Grandfather Masen left everything to me and Kate." I was still shocked by this revelation, as was my entire family, but my parents didn't know why I was in the will. My parents always claimed that Esme's father, Edward Masen, didn't approve of the relationship between my father Carlisle and my mother, claiming that Esme was too good for him. However, shortly after I moved to Chicago, where my mother was born, I noticed my grandfather's name on a list of donors to Northwestern University and decided to do some digging into my parents elusive past. What I found surprised me._

Grandfather Masen, or Ed as he preferred that I call him, was a quiet and unassuming man. He still lived in the house he bought in the 1950's and had lived in with Esme, her younger brother Graham, and her mother Clara. Graham, Kate's father, lived out in California now with his family but still talked to everyone, so I called Uncle Graham up one day and he told me that Kate was settled in Chicago and worked for a large insurance company downtown. We met for lunch and she filled me in on everything, including that she often went to see Grandfather Masen, and the next time she went to visit him, I tagged along.

He was shocked to see me, but happy nonetheless. It was on my first visit that he cleared the air and admitted to me that although he wasn't pleased that my parents had married, his only wish had been for my mother to be happy. "She calls me you know, every few months or so, just to let me know how the family is doing," he said wistfully. "She's not nearly as happy as she thought she would be, but she doesn't tell me that. I can tell though."

"Why didn't you want them together?" I questioned as I sat on his rather tattered couch and surveyed the room, as though I was expecting to find something of importance. There was nothing. Kate came back into the room a few minutes later with a tray with two cups of tea, as I had passed.

"I had nothing against Carlisle, per say. However, I knew his father rather well, we were in business together and he was ruthless, heartless and drank like a fish. I just didn't want Esme to get into the same sort of relationship that Carlisle's mother Mary was in. I felt nothing but pity for that woman." I nodded my head and slowly began to understand things a little better. Ed didn't want Esme to become Mary, but sure enough, that had happened anyways. I ended up seeing Ed twice a month until his death from colon cancer, which he refused to have treated. He passed away a few days before I met Bella. He was a stubborn man, but very smart and independent, even as he passed his eighty fifth year.

"_Edward, I know you think you know better than the rest of us, but you and Kate should both consider doing the right thing," my father said simply as I grabbed my beer and took a long pull from it. Our waiter arrived a moment later, placing our meals down in front of us as Kate looked at me with surprise. She had insisted on attending this meal, but I don't think she expected what was about to happen._

"_Oh, and what would that be?"_

"_That money rightfully belongs to your mother and your Uncle Graham because they are the next of kin," my dad said as he reached with his fork for a piece of his salmon. "I think it is in the best interest of both you and Kate to relinquish your rights to the estate."_

"_You have got to be kidding me?" shouted out Kate incredulously as I broke out into laughter. Everyone seemed shocked by her outburst, considering she had been pretty quiet all night and even earlier in the day at the will reading. "My father would be fucking disappointed in you, Uncle Carlisle. He got what he wanted from Ed, the house they grew up in, he doesn't want his money. Hell, I would rather have him back with us than be forced to consider what to do with the ten million dollars he left me."_

_Things began to become clearer as the arguments continued around the table. Why my parents had insisted on coming to the will reading even though they had shut my grandfather out years ago. Why Jane was acting so smug and why both my parents were drinking way too much and looked like they truly were mourning the loss. It also explained why just three days ago I found out I was being cut off financially from my parents. Of course, they hadn't explained to me, the bank had._

"_You guys are going broke."_

"_Excuse me?" my mother asked as my father waved his hand to the waitress and ordered another drink._

"_You heard me. This is all about getting your hands on the money we've been left. You've probably been waiting patiently for the will reading and were hoping that Uncle Graham got all the money and would give you some," I said angrily as my eyes darted between my father and mother. "You know why Ed left me millions in his will? Because unlike you, I actually cared about the man. I would go over and visit him; he would tell me stories about growing up after the depression and how much he loved Grandma Clara. I helped him fix things around the piece of shit old house that he loved more than anything in the world."_

"_Edward and I were the only family Ed had," Kate added as she nodded her head at me in support. "So you don't have the right to sit there and act like you deserve any of this money. You abandoned him."_

"_You know why he wouldn't leave that house?" I questioned as I stared at my mother with fury in my eyes. "He wouldn't leave because that house was the last thing he had that reminded him of the happier times with you, Uncle Graham and Grandma Clara. You may have left him, but you didn't take everything when you left."_

"_Edward, that money is not rightfully yours," my father piped up as Kate stood up to leave and I began to do the same._

"_You may not think it's mine, but Ed certainly did. However, it's damn well not yours and I'd rather anyone had it other than you."_

"_You are being unreasonable, Edward," my mother added succinctly as I let out a growl and pushed my chair back in, preparing to leave. _

"_Unreasonable?" I shouted loudly, not giving a shit that we were in a rather upscale restaurant. "Unreasonable is asking your son to hand over the inheritance that his grandfather wanted him to have. If he had wanted you to have the money, he would have given it to you. I'd rather have more time with Ed than this money; I can assure you of that."_

"_Your mother would have received that money if you hadn't deceived everyone. You purposely went behind our backs and cultivated a relationship with this man. Someone your mother and I didn't approve of," my dad stated angrily. I couldn't help but laugh because he actually sounded hurt. Apparently he thought I would really just hand him the money. I didn't need the money because I could certainly get a job to support myself and I didn't really want the money, because I would have preferred my grandfather was still alive. Hell, it was more money than I knew what I would do with, but I was certain that I wasn't giving it to him._

"_What is so fucking wrong with getting to know my grandfather?"_

"_Nothing is wrong with it," Kate said defensively as she grabbed her purse and then tugged on my arm, willing me to leave. _

"_If you leave Edward, you'll be cut off," my father shouted as I laughed louder than ever._

"_You already cut me off financially and you already think I'm a disappointment. Cut me off, I don't give a shit." With that, I stormed out of the restaurant with Kate on my heels, feeling somewhat elated that I had been so open and honest with everyone. _

_When I walked out into the cold December air, I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm proud of you Edward," Kate said cheerfully as she patted me on the shoulder and we began walking towards her car. "My dad told me a few days ago that your mom confided in him about their financial troubles. Apparently, your dad is considering filing for bankruptcy, they are that broke."_

"_Serves them right," I muttered as we inched closer to Kate's car and I noticed the snow had stopped falling. "Any chance you can drop me off somewhere? I have a lot of shit to explain to a girl who is way too good for me."_

I woke up, startled from my vivid dream, and sat up on the couch. When I looked over at the clock, it was past eleven at night. I checked my cell phone and made sure I hadn't missed any calls, one more from Jane and one from Kate, who had recently gotten engaged to her long time boyfriend Marcus, and was planning a quickie wedding in Bermuda in April. Kate and her family were really the only family I had left. Other than the random calls from Jane, I hadn't heard from any of my family back in Boston, and I was better for it.

Jane was always trying to get me to reconcile with our parents, and I knew why too. She never mentioned to me, but last Christmas I went to California with Kate to visit my aunt and uncle, who informed me that my parents had indeed gone broke, sold their lavish house and my father had gotten sick with cirrhosis of the liver. I knew it was heartless of me, but I couldn't help but feel it was karma paying them back in some way for being so selfish and greedy.

I had taken the money I had received and invested ninety five percent of it. I used a small portion to buy a condo, moved the hell out of the dump I lived in and I got a new car, but that was the extent of my extravagances. I changed my major to education at the start of the next semester and now I found myself teaching grade nine English at a local inner city school. I felt like I was making a difference in someone's life, even if it wasn't my own.

My downfall, and the thing keeping me from being somewhat happy in my life, was that I couldn't let go of Bella. In hindsight I knew I had treated her like shit, not wanting to share her with anyone, but that was because everything I ever got excited about it in my life was taken away from me. Everything I did when I was growing up from getting good grades to being on the baseball team was always ruined by my older sister, who strived to one up me every chance she got. When I was named captain of the junior baseball team, Jane was named head cheerleader, something she actually loathed. Jane was less of an older sister and more of an adversary to me.

The joy I felt at leaving Boston to go to college was gone when my parents kept trying to weasel their way into my life. The excitement at finding my grandfather was taken from me as I realized that my parents had lied to me my entire life. And the inheritance I had received, that had never been a bright spot in my life, because with that money came the deterioration of my entire family and the loss of my grandfather.

Nothing was ever good enough, but with Bella… she was everything good, and I thought that the moment I accepted her wholeheartedly into my life, I would lose her. I was irrational, full of fear and a complete fucking idiot. I knew that now. But now was too late. It also took me months of therapy to determine this. Thankfully Dr. Volturi was a very patient man and made me see the error of my ways. I still saw him once a month.

I trudged my sorry ass into the bedroom and crawled into bed fully clothed. I checked that my alarm clock was set in time for me to get up for work in the morning and then pulled my pillow over my head, willing everything in my mind to go away. It never worked though, because as usual, I fell into another nightmare about Bella.

_Just after midnight on New Year's Eve, I found myself sitting on the front stoop of Bella's apartment building, desperately hoping she would come home or answer her door… anything. I just had to see her. She hadn't answered any of my calls or emails. I never got any sort of response for the flowers I sent her, but I was nothing if not persistent. Lord knows I was an idiot for letting it go on so long. I went to her apartment that fateful night after the will reading, but all the lights were off and no one would answer the door. Then again, it was almost eleven by the time I got there. Surely she had gone to sleep or gone out with her roommate to drown her sorrows. If she was even sorry we broke up, of course._

"_Umm… can we help you?" asked the rather friendly voice of a tall blonde guy as he approached where I was sitting. I recognized him as someone I had met in passing at the party where I saw Bella and went all cave-man on her for talking to someone else._

"_I'm looking for Bella."_

"_Uh… she doesn't live here anymore," said the small dark haired girl beside him, who looked like she was going to break into tears. "Let me guess… you're Edward?"_

"_Yeah," I said as I reached my hand back to scratch at the back of my neck, pushing my woolen cap forward slightly. "Should I be happy that you've heard of me?"_

"_No, not particularly. I'm Alice by the way," she replied as she moved up the steps with the blonde guy, who I would later learned was named Jasper, on her heels. "Are you coming?" she asked as she waited with the door slightly ajar. I jumped up to my feet, hopeful that I would find some sort of answer to her cryptic comment about Bella not living there anymore. Had she and Alice had a falling out? Did she have an address where I could contact her? I was shaking with anticipation to find her and talk to her._

_I walked into the apartment and was surprised at how nice it was, but it felt a bit empty, probably because Bella was no longer there. "Jasper moved in two days ago so I wasn't left in the lurch on our lease," Alice explained as Jasper helped her peel off her coat and draped it on a chair in their small dining room. "She left on the 18__th__."_

"_Why did she move apartments? She told me you guys got along well," I commented as Jasper let out a small laugh and Alice rolled her eyes as she stared at me._

"_Are you really that stupid? She didn't move apartment's asshole; she dropped out of school and moved home." I sat my body down in the first chair I found and looked at Alice with shock clear on my face. "Wasn't expecting that huh? Neither was I. I came home one night and found all her clothes gone, her stuff packed and a note saying a courier was coming for the rest of her stuff. It was all gone the next day."_

"_You're shitting me right?" I asked, as I let out a gasp. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I couldn't breath and I was certain that I was having a panic attack of some sort. This couldn't be happening. Was what Alice was saying true? Had I really driven her out of the city? Had everything really been __**that**__ fucked up between us?_

"_Yeah, it's happening bro," said Jasper as he wrapped his arm around Alice's shoulder supportively._

"_Can I have her address?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_She called two days later to wish me a Merry Christmas and literally begged me not to tell you where she was. You broke her heart and her spirit; I'm certainly not going to give you the chance to do it again. I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night, Edward." Alice and Jasper each grabbed a bottle of water and went over to sit on an oversized arm chair, with Alice sitting on his lap. Their casual intimacy made me miss Bella even more and I was overwhelmed with regret about the entire situation._

_I sat down on the couch and rested my face in my hands, feeling their eyes as they watched me. "Did you even care for her?"_

"_Of course I fucking cared for her," I said as I lifted my head up angrily and looked right at Jasper, who had spoken._

"_You dated, and obviously slept with the girl, but you never hung out with her. She never even told Alice who you were until the night she was attacked by Davis and found out that you were cheating on her. Do you blame her for leaving? I have half a mind to take you outside and beat the shit out of you for fucking her over so much," Jasper added as I let out a huge sigh of sadness. Part of me was right, I should have been different with her, for her, but I wasn't and she was gone. "She was a sweet girl, man. She didn't deserve this shit."_

"_For the record," I added solemnly as they both kept glaring at me as though I was a piece of shit stuck to the bottom of their shoe. Fuck, at that moment I felt like it. "I wasn't cheating on her. Kate is my cousin and she was at my apartment making sure that I made it to a complete fucking disaster of a dinner with my family. Bella saw Kate, assumed the worst and ran off, never giving me the chance to explain my side of things."_

"_Regardless of what went down, if you need to talk to the girl, then you make it happen, Edward. You don't wait over two weeks and show up on her doorstep looking like a sack of crap. If the same thing happened with Alice, I would move fucking mountains to explain the situation to her." _

"_Did she tell you what happened with Davis?" I asked, curiously as Alice and Jasper both nodded their head solemnly. "I read the newspaper article the day after everything went down. Is she pressing charges?"_

"_She is," Alice confirmed._

"_And she'll be coming back for the trial right?" I pressed as Alice began to show me a look of pity instead of anger._

"_No. She's given them her report like forty times over. The article in the paper did provide other women with the guts to come forward about being manipulated and abused by Davis, and he has been charged with those crimes as well. The prosecuting attorney thinks that they will have enough evidence without Bella's testimony to put him away for a while."_

_I was officially crest-fallen. There was no chance of Bella coming back to Chicago and Alice wasn't going to be my ally in this situation. I had fucked up beyond belief with the only person who really mattered to me._

"_Why did you do it?" asked Jasper as I lifted my head up from my hands and looked at him curiously. "Why didn't you just want to be with her like she wanted? Like any girl would want? Was that asking too much of you?"_

"_No. She deserved more from me."_

"_Fucking right she did," Alice chimed in with a little giggle._

"_I just… I have major issues with my family, especially where trust is concerned. I've never had anything that was just mine to enjoy, without it being tainted by the inclusion of my family. All I wanted was Bella… nothing else. I didn't want anything to interfere with us and my one of my mom's friends has two daughters that go to Northwestern, and even though I'm sort of friendly with them, I didn't want word to get back to my mother or sister that I was dating anyone." Jasper looked at me incredulously as Alice broke out into loud laughter. "I know, I'm a complete shit, but you don't know what it's like being a Cullen."_

"_Enlighten us, oh privileged one," Jasper laughed mockingly. Surely he thought being from a wealthy family had its perks, but not in my family._

"_Would you believe me if I told you I inherited 10 million dollars on the day Bella and I broke up?" Alice & Jasper's mouths fell open in shock. "Yeah, I didn't think you would."_

"_10 million… really?" Alice asked as I nodded my head slowly._

"_My grandfather passed away a few days before I met Bella. His will was being scrutinized by my parents' lawyers and when it was finally read that morning, my cousin Kate and I each got 10 million. The rest of his estate went to charity and my Uncle, Kate's dad, got the house."_

"_That's just…."_

"_It's a hassle of epic proportions. I have a check on my desk at home, I have no idea what the fuck to do with it and my parents are desperately trying to get their hands on it because like the greedy people they are, they went broke."_

"_Holy fucking karma."_

"_Yeah. So, not only have I lost the only thing that's important to me because I was fearful of my family intruding on everything, I now have my family after me for this money," I admitted as my head fell back against the couch and I let out a gigantic sigh of relief. It was nice to talk to someone other than Kate about this entire situation, but I felt like I was unfairly unloading all my shit on Alice and Jasper, who until twenty minutes ago, I didn't know at all._

"_Here's what you are going to do," Alice advised me as she curled up closer to Jasper. "You are going to go to your bank in the next few days and sit down with someone. They can help you invest your money so that it isn't a piece of paper sitting on your desk." I nodded at Alice, because that did make perfect sense. It certainly wasn't doing anything at my apartment. "Then I want you to think long and hard about what you want in your life. What do you want to do? Where do you want to live? Prove to me that you are maturing and aren't actually the selfish asshole I think you are and then I'll give you Bella's information."_

"_Really?"_

"_I'm dead serious. Prove to me that you are worthy of her."_

_I left their apartment that night on cloud nine, literally overjoyed with the prospect of potentially seeing or talking to Bella soon. I had to apologize and prove to her that I could be everything she needed. I wanted the chance to love her again, for real this time, without my fears keeping us apart._

I woke up again to the sound of my alarm clock blaring beside me. I scrubbed at my face with my hand and let out a huge yawn as I rolled onto my side and shut off the deafening noise. My dream had been so vivid and yet so haunting. I pulled myself up and let out a loud groan that echoed through my bedroom as I stood up and walked towards my large floor to ceiling bedroom window. I stared out at the dull grey morning and sighed as I rested my hand against the window as I recalled the moment I truly lost Bella.

I had begun to become friends with Alice & Jasper as we all dealt with Bella's abrupt departure. Alice was actually a great source of help to me, always being the honest with me, even when it hurt like hell. She had become my confidante and ended up being a great ally, until she too was taken from me.

On the morning I went to change my major to education, there was a major car accident close to campus which snarled traffic and made me miss my appointment by almost twenty minutes. Little did I know, until I went to see Alice later that day to inform her that I had met all the stipulations in our deal, that she had been hit by a driver who lost control of his car on the icy streets and died on the scene.

I had lost all hope.

**A/N: Thanks to MaggieMay14, for betaing this disaster and to Risbee, my fic wifey and Flightlessbird11, my partner in smut, for pre-reading.**

**If I haven't mentioned it in my other stories, I am nominated for two Giggle Snort Awards. Obviously not for this story huh? LOL One nomination is for Best Bella, for my collaboration 'A Beautiful Mess' with Risbee and one is for Best Emmett, for my collaboration 'Maybe I'm Falling For You' with Flightlessbird11. Voting starts on May 20****th**** so head on over to gigglesnortawards (dot) mmmboptastic (dot) com to see the list of other fabulously funny nominees. (Is it just me or is it possible I'm just not funny on my own?)**

**Expect more updates. MIFFY is with the beta… ABM is with the beta… and SW #8 is in progress already. Yeah me. For the record, even my beta was shocked I killed off Alice. I was getting tired of her perkiness. LOL.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know, I'm a little slow on updating, however I was away camping for the Canadian long weekend. If you follow me on Facebook, (I'm coldplaywhore fanfiction) you can see pictures of my kid petting a chipmunk.**

**Huge thanks to MaggieMay14 for beta'ing this chapter for me and always giving me the best fricking ideas. To my pre-readers; Risbee, flightlessbird11 and a newbie, forget the song aka megsican11 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!), thanks for reading this shit before it's worthy.**

**I don't own Twilight; I do have dozens of questions remaining after the series finale of LOST. Anyone else confused?**

**Chapter 8**

_It's rolling around, it's pushing me down  
It's keeping the good part of me closed_

_-When You Find Me by Joshua Radin_

I walked into my condo the following Friday evening, feeling like I did almost every night, except on this particular night I had a small spark of excitement in my veins. It was the Friday before spring break and I had the next week off, with the exception of grading some papers and quizzes, but that could be done from the comfort of my couch while I watched bad daytime TV.

My students were so excited about the upcoming break that I figured it was rather pointless to teach them that day because they wouldn't retain anything I tried to teach them anyways. We ended up watching the first half of the late 90's movie version of Romeo and Juliet and I promised them the second half when they returned in a week, knowing full well they would need time to adjust to being back in class. I think they were rather surprised by my lackadaisical attitude, forgetting for a moment that I was a recent college graduate myself and therefore knew full well the ins and outs of spring break. When the final bell rang for the day, I wasn't the only person relived to start the weekend.

However, just as I was packing up my bag to head home, Leah James, one of the other younger faculty members at the school cornered me in my classroom and asked me out. She was rather aggressive too, which was unexpected. Every time I saw her she was usually sat huddled at her lunch table in the staff room, reading one of her dozen books about calculus and ignoring the existence of everyone else. I honestly didn't think she knew my name until she spoke it in my classroom. I was taken aback by her invitation and politely turned her down, lying as per usual, that I had someone waiting for me back home.

In actuality, the closest thing to someone else back at my place was my nosey neighbor across the hall, Emmett McCarty.

Almost a year ago, Emmett and his wife Rosalie, moved in across the hall from me amid loud fanfare, all created by Emmett. What had once been a very quiet floor, suddenly got very animated and Emmett basically insinuated himself into my life, which was not entirely unwelcome. He was nice, funny and always had a nice cold beer for me when he came over to watch games on the weekend. However, he was also very perceptive because right from the get go he knew something was going on with me personally and tried his best to get me to open up to him. He was ridiculously persistent too because every time I tried to push him away, he came back with a vengeance, so I gave up trying to pretend he didn't exist.

It was only three weeks after he moved in that he and I solidified our friendship when he ran into me in the elevator heading up to our floor.

"Edward, I know you probably find me annoying," he said with a grin as I nodded my head in agreement. I was only partially joking about it.

"Probably?" I questioned as Emmett laughed loudly. Clearly he was used to this sort of thing; people who tried to distance themselves from him until he forced his way into their lives and became friends because he was a little overwhelming.

"Ok, so I'm definitely driving you nuts. However, I have a question to ask you, and I really don't want you to take it the wrong way."

"Well, when you start it out like that how can I not take it the wrong way?" I questioned sarcastically as my joke went right over his head and he smiled happily at me.

"I knew you would be good with this. Rosalie and I have been debating something for a few days, because she thinks you are a handsome man."

"She does huh?" I said with a wink as Emmett suddenly grew defensive of his wife. "I was kidding, idiot. Just ask your damned question," I added as the elevator opened and we both stepped out and walked down the hall towards our respective apartments.

"Are you gay? Not that I have anything wrong with that. I mean, it's your business what you do behind closes doors," Emmett stammered quickly as he became more flustered and nervous for asking in the first place. I started coughing frantically as I tried to catch my breath and I stopped in front of my door while I seriously considered punching him.

"Why the fuck would you ask me that?"

"Rosalie thinks you may be gay because she says you are hot but no girls ever come over to your place. I told her you know too much about the White Sox to be gay."

"Well, you are correct; I'm not gay. I'm not just interested in any sort of relationship right now," I said as I pushed my key into my lock, looking forward to the solitude that my condo afforded me.

"Someone break your heart?" Emmett questioned as I let out a sigh and decided to just be frank with him, thinking that it was the best approach.

"I broke someone else's and I don't trust myself anymore, if I am being honest with you," I said quickly and with a huge sigh of regret. I tried not to discuss my past with anyone, figuring it was my cross to bear, but suddenly Emmett grinned at me and I knew my silence was about to be shattered. Without even asking, Emmett shoved his way into my apartment and grabbed two beers from my fridge before handing me one and sitting on my couch.

"Okay, tell me about it." Shockingly, I sat down with him and decided that it was about time I had a close friend, other than Kate, and I poured my heart out, telling him everything that happened with me and Bella until she left.

Emmett was now one of my best friends, though his wife was still constantly trying to hook me up with her friends, thinking that I just needed someone else in my life to get me out of my funk. Sadly, she was very wrong in that case; I needed someone in particular. Not someone else.

Shortly after Christmas, I reluctantly agreed to a double date with Em, Rose and her cousin Maggie. It was a disaster of epic proportions, and that was putting it mildly. I met them all at a cozy Italian restaurant that reminded me way too much of the restaurant I took Bella to on our first 'official' date. Maggie wasn't very chatty at first, but the more wine she drank, the flirtier and more obnoxious she became. Even Emmett apologized halfway through the dinner when Maggie asked me why I had a stick up my ass. To add insult to injury, she then got absolutely livid when I didn't ask her for her number when the night was over.

Thankfully, that was the last time I accepted an invitation from Emmett and Rose to anything other than dinner at their house. Unfortunately, as I opened my apartment door on that fateful Friday night before spring break, I knew something was up.

"Emmett, what brings you by so late tonight?" I had just finished eating my dinner and was about to start on a few days worth of dishes. I know, it was an exciting Friday night for me.

"I need a favor," Em said with a grin as he welcomed himself into my apartment and sat down in front of my TV, apparently very fond of my 52 inch wall mounted monstrosity that he suggested I buy as a gift to myself for Christmas.

"Is this a help me bury a body kind of favor?" I questioned as I grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed him one. "Or is this a hide me from Rosalie kind of favor? Because I am really starting to get tired of the second one."

"Neither shockingly," he said with a loud laugh that was classic Emmett. He had grown up in the mountains of Tennessee and went to Purdue University before eventually settling in Chicago with Rosalie. Emmett was an engineer, and his wife Rosalie was a teacher like me, choosing to form the minds of kids much younger than me since she taught third grade. "Rosalie latest obsession, some female singer, whose name I can't remember, is in town for three nights and since we can't go tomorrow night because she's dragging me out with Maggie and her latest victim, I mean boyfriend. So, she wants to go tonight and I can't say no to my wife. I just want you to come along in case the music is shit and I need someone to play pool with."

"Where is the show?"

"Downtown at the Back Room. Show starts at 10. What do you say?" he asked with a grin as he took a pull from his beer and began flipping through my channels. I looked up at the clock and saw that it was only 7:30. "Rosie says we're leaving at 8:30 though so we can get decent seats."

"I'll do it under one condition."

"What's that?"

"Rosalie and you have to agree to stop trying to set me up. If there is a girl at this club specifically to join us, I will leave immediately."

"Deal," Emmett said as he offered me his hand and shook it vigorously.

"Now leave me alone so I can shower and relax a bit. I'll come over at 8:30. Are we taking a cab?"

"Yup. I think we are all looking to drink a bit tonight."

"Perfect," I said with a slight sigh as I chugged some more beer and Emmett got up from the couch, heading to his own place.

"I have a feeling tonight is the night, Eddie."

"The night for what? And how many fucking times have I told you to stop calling me that?"

"Fine, Edward. I just think tonight is the start of something good. Call it Emmett intuition."

"Get the fuck out before you start channeling Miss Cleo. I'll see you in an hour," I said with a laugh as I practically kicked Emmett out the door and locked it behind him. I finished my beer and then headed into the bathroom to have a quick shower. When I got out and toweled off, I stared into my closet and groaned, not sure of what the hell to wear. Since I wasn't really up to calling any sort of attention to myself, I grabbed my old beanie, a pair of slightly tattered jeans and my favorite Pink Floyd t-shirt. I tossed my leather jacket over top of it and let out a heavy sigh.

I hadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time, wearing some of my older clothes that I hadn't even pulled from my closet since I got my job teaching. However, I needed to feel calm and comfortable, without the weed that I used to smoke back in the day. With my shitty luck, if I did smoke up, they would be doing random drug testing the next day at work and I'd be screwed. Not that I worked for the money, I did it because it made me feel good and it felt like I was doing something important with myself for once in my life.

When I was done, I brushed my teeth and checked myself out in the mirror, deciding that I looked somewhat presentable. When I crossed the hallway just before eight thirty, I wasn't surprised to find Rosalie ready and waiting for Emmett.

"He decided to play a round of golf on his Wii. If we are late, I swear to god I will divorce his ass."

"You say that every time, Rose," I said with a laugh as she gave me a gentle hug since it had been a few weeks since we saw each other last.

"How is Kate doing by the way?" Rosalie and Kate had met at my apartment shortly after they moved in across the hall. Kate, who had just celebrated her first anniversary with her husband, was now expecting their first child any day now, and I was asked to be godfather to the new little one a few weeks ago. I was still surprised.

"She's hanging in there. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she's bitching about how she can't see her feet and how she now has cankles. I don't even know what the hell a cankle is," I said with a groan as Rosalie let out a laugh and Emmett walked into the room.

"A cankle is a chubby ankle. Apparently Bill Clinton is a fan," Emmett said with a grin as he grabbed his coat from the rack and slipped it on.

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"Family Guy," he said stoically as he opened the front door and ushered Rosalie and I out. This was certainly going to be an interesting night.

The Back Room was a little quiet when we got there but things quickly picked up as the first performer worked his way through his set. Rosalie managed to get us a decent table near the front of the stage and she was practically bursting with excitement as we waited for the 10 o'clock show to start. Emmett went to get some beers from the main bar and I wasn't surprised when he came back with two women and looked at me with a twinge of remorse.

"I swear to god this wasn't planned man," Emmett said to me with a slight sigh as he then proceeded to introduce two girls that worked in his office. Dana, was a leggy blonde who looked like she just graduated high school and Ally, the attractive brunette, was an intern who was in her final year of classes at Northwestern. When Rosalie mentioned in passing that I graduated from there, no doubt trying to urge conversation between Ally and me, Ally was more than excited to run with it.

"Ooh, what did you take?" she asked as she lifted her hideous looking pink drink to her mouth and sipped it casually. It was a little off-putting and to be honest and she didn't even look like she enjoyed the drink. It was all for appearances.

"I started with communications originally, but then changed to education. I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Education and now teach high school English."

"Wow, that sounds interesting," Ally said as she reached up and twisted a few strands of her light brown around her fingers, feigning interest. "What made you decide to get into teaching?"

"Nothing really," I lied as Rosalie looked at me curiously. I hadn't even told her why I had changed my major, but I wasn't looking forward to telling her tonight, with two strange women sitting with us.

"Oh come on, tell us. We're all friends here," Rosalie encouraged as she sipped from her beer and I glanced at Dana and Ally momentarily. They were all hanging on my every word and I couldn't help talking about it. I tried to stop, but it just happened.

"I had nothing left in my life, if I am being brutally honest with you. My girlfriend at the time had left me and gone home, I had become estranged from my family and with the help of my friend Alice, I found a direction… something I really felt passionate about, so I decided to become a teacher."

"How come you haven't had this Alice girl over to your apartment?" Emmett questioned as all eyes turned to me and I let out a slight groan as I grasped at the hair at the back of my head anxiously. "Was she more than a friend and things went south?" Emmett asked with a wink and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Alice died the day I changed my major actually. A car accident caused by a driver who was too busy talking on his cell phone to notice that it was snowing like a son of a bitch and the roads were slippery. You've met her former boyfriend though, remember Jasper?" I asked him as he nodded his head slowly. Jasper and I were still friends, though not nearly as close as we were becoming before Alice's passing. She really was the glue that held us together and I think it was rough for Jasper to spend too much time with me because I reminded him of her.

"Yeah, the tall Texan right?" I nodded as Ally, Dana and Rosalie seemed to hang on our conversation even more. I just felt remorseful for discussing such a serious topic on a night where we were supposed to be having fun. I tried to change the topic, but Emmett was relentless. "I'm sorry you lost your friend, man. That certainly explains why he seemed a little off."

"In his defense, you did meet him on the fourth anniversary of her death. It's still a bit rough for him, though he's trying to move on. It's the reason why he works so much and why he doesn't drive actually. Thank god for the public transit here in Chicago otherwise he would be shit out of luck," I said simply as Ally ran her hand down my arm which didn't appeal to me, even though she thought it did. I think she was attempting to be supportive and flirty, but I casually pushed it off and looked at her incredulously as she looked up at me through her lashes. Seriously, who flirts when you are talking about a dead friend?

"So whatever happened to your ex-girlfriend?" Ally asked curiously as Rosalie looked at me and winked, obviously encouraging the interaction between the two of us. I took a huge pull of my drink and sighed as I shrugged my shoulders.

"I have no idea actually. We hadn't been together too long, but it was this intense, all consuming thing that we shared. She was Alice's roommate and we had a falling out. Alice agreed to help me get in touch with her, but she died before that happened."

"You never saw her again?" Dana asked, sounding rather depressed about the entire thing. This certainly wasn't how I intended this evening to go. I thought it would be some drinks with my friends, some apparently good music and then I would head home alone, as per usual. I didn't think I would be sitting around rehashing my darkest days with two friends and two relative strangers, one of whom seemed determined to make me forget my past.

"Let's talk about something else. How was everyone else's Friday?" I questioned, trying to sound cheerful and failing miserably.

"Oh cut the shit Cullen. You can't just start talking about this shit and then end it there. It's like sitting through six years of your favorite tv show only to have the series finale confuse the ever living fuck out of you. You have to explain it. So, tell us… did you see her again?" Rosalie questioned in frustration and I knew there was no way I was dodging this question. I pleaded with my eyes for her to drop it, but she just waited patiently for me to say something. I was even tempted to just get up and walk away, but I couldn't do it. I let out a sigh and finally answered Dana's question.

"Nope. I didn't know her last name, which was really fucking pathetic. Jasper and I were basically detectives and tried everything for the longest time."

"Dude, you dated the girl for a while and didn't know her last name? That's kinda low," said Dana as I let out a small groan and tugged at the hair at the back of my head again, pulling off my beanie in the process.

"It's not like I was some complete asshole," I added as I looked over at Emmett who quirked his eye brow at me questioning me. He knew the real story and trying to cover it up here, when I had already said so much seemed pretty fucking pointless. "Oh wait, I was a complete asshole. I disregarded her feelings, treated her like shit, pretended she didn't exist and basically used her for sex, all the while falling in love with her." I let out a sigh of relief as Ally finally seemed disinterested in me based on how I had treated Bella and chugged back her drink with a small frown as she began looking around the room for her next victim.

"If you regretted everything, you should have looked for her. If you love someone, you don't just let them go so easily," said Dana stoically and it sounded like she was speaking from experience.

"We tried, believe me. She wasn't on the lease for their rental apartment, her boss at school wouldn't tell me anything assuming I was a reporter and the newspapers had printed a false name, at her urging. I hired a private detective who got me some information, but it led me nowhere. I even got a number and an address in Washington, but when I flew out there, the woman who answered the door at her last known address said she didn't know her."

Looking back, I couldn't help but wonder where the hell she had gotten to. I had gone to this small house in Forks, Washington at the insistence of both Jasper and the private investigator who maintained that he was certain this was my girl. However, when I got there, the woman who answered the door claimed she didn't know Bella. She told me that she was new to town and didn't know if she even lived nearby. I spent that night in a shitty little motel going through the phone book to find a name that I might have recognized from our past conversations, but nothing. I flew back to Chicago the next day deciding to stop looking and that if we were truly meant to be together, fate would make it happen. I didn't believe in fate anymore.

"Um… why would the newspapers know her?" Ally asked in curiosity, clearly catching on to the small item I mentioned earlier that I hoped no one would notice. Apparently there was no one else in the club that she was remotely interested in talking to, so she joined our conversation again. Emmett had already heard the entire story, so he didn't look surprised as I spoke again.

"She was physically attacked by her music history professor on the same day we broke up."

"Oh my god, Professor Davis?" asked Dana rather loudly as I nodded my head in acknowledgement. "My cousin was in his class like six years ago. She said he was a skeevy fucking bastard, but never went into detail. She ended up testifying against him in the trial because he had offered her a better grade for sexual favors."

"Seriously?" Emmett questioned with surprise ripe in his voice. "I hate people who abuse their authority. Who was this guy to do this shit to these girls, some of whom were probably on scholarship and he was manipulating them."

"Having met the guy on several occasions, I can assure that he was a pure piece of shit. I'm glad he ended up in jail for twelve years, although was saddened it came because he had raped two other girls in his class the previous year."

"Well, I'm glad nothing happened to your ex, although it sucks that you guys broke up on the same day. How tragic," sighed Rosalie as she looked at me with pity clear in her eyes. I really hoped that her knowing more about my heartbreak didn't mean that she was going to try and set me up on blind dates again in some sort of half hearted effort to fix me.

"It was just a big pile of fuckery and I'd really like to talk about something else, if that's at all possible," I said genuinely as I noticed that the opening performer had finished his set with a very horrible cover of 'Undone, the Sweater Song' by Weezer. Several people in the club looked like they didn't even recognize it since it was so atrocious, and they were clearly too young to know one of Weezers' earliest hits. "So… who is this singer we're going to hear?"

"Oh my god, you haven't heard of her?" Dana asked incredulously as she looked around the table. Emmett just shrugged his shoulders and Rosalie went back to bouncing with excitement. A waitress came up to our table a minute later and I ordered another beer as everyone else replenished their drinks as well.

"Nope. Don't know her, obviously. I came to hang out with Rosalie and Emmett for the night, more than for the music. I'm sure she has to be better than the first guy right?" I questioned as Rosalie nodded emphatically.

"Of course she's better. Rolling Stone magazine named her as one to watch this year and I was so thrilled I actually subscribed to their magazine," Rosalie said with a carefree laugh. "I don't know how to describe her music though. Kinda Rilo Kiley meets Jewel meets Natalie Merchant crossed with some... I dunno, she's just good. I've heard that emo shit you listen to; I know you'll like her."

"My music is not emo," I retorted as the house lights fell just as our waitress reached our table handing us our drinks.

"Whatever man, your shit is emo. Now shut up and enjoy the music." I gave Rosalie the finger as she turned around and focused all of her attention on the stage. My cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I looked down to see another call coming in from my sister, so I avoided it and watched as the girl sat on a solitary stool in the middle of the stage.

"What's her name?" I questioned as I took a sip of my beer and then shoved my phone back into my pocket, silencing it. I looked back to the stage, my eyes basically drinking in her small body and luscious long brown hair, I was shocked to see Bella sitting on the stage, holding her old guitar.

"Bella Swan," Rosalie and I said at exactly the same time as Emmett looked at me in shock.

"Do you know her?" he asked as he leaned across the table and tried to get my attention. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the beautiful woman sitting on the stage in front of me though. She looked more beautiful than ever, time clearly having agreed with her.

"You could say that," I said quietly as I watched her brush her hair behind her ears, reminding me of all the times I had done that for her in our short time together.

"Evening Chicago," she said anxiously as her fingers darted between the strings, but no sound came out. She was nervous and I could only hope that she didn't see me at that very moment. What an awkward way to start your set, indeed. "It's been a while since I've been in the city, so thanks for having me back." The crowd broke out into loud claps and Rosalie even gave out a quick holler of approval as I grabbed my beanie and slipped it back on, trying to hide myself. I didn't want her to see me just yet, because I really just wanted to sit there and listen to her play again. I always loved listening to her as she played her guitar, the music flowing from her effortlessly as she lost herself in the music.

"So, this song is a cover, but it really reminds me of my Chicago, so just bear with me," she said as she got her guitar comfortable and began playing, each movement of her fingers being memorized by my eyes as she closed hers and began singing. I didn't know the song, but the lyrics made my heart ache with regret, longing and sadness. She was definitely singing about me.

_when I say you sucked my brain out  
the English translation  
is I am in love with you  
and it is no fun  
but I don't use words like love  
'cuz works like that don't matter  
but don't look so offended  
you know, you should be flattered  
and I wake up in the night  
in some big hotel bed  
and my hands grope for the light  
and my hands grope for my head  
the world is my oyster  
the road is my home  
and I know that I'm better  
off alone_

All the joy I felt at seeing Bella again evaporated in that moment and I knew I was truly fucked. We were irreparable.

**A/N: What's your favorite break up song? Mine is 'Last Goodbye' by Jeff Buckley. This song was 'Dialate' by Ani Difranco.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: At the end.**

**EPOV**

"Dude, you look like you've seen a ghost," Emmett said as he nudged me slightly, causing my beer to fall to the floor, the bottle shattering and the liquid spilling everywhere. God, could he have caused a bigger scene?

I pulled my beanie back on and tried to hide myself. Unfortunately, the damage was already done as Bella ended her song early, the lyrics wilting slightly from her lips as she faltered with the guitar, choosing to stop altogether.

"Sorry about that folks," she said softly, clearly agitated at the entire situation. Her eyes remained trained on mine though as she repositioned the guitar on her lap and strummed a few simple chords. "Why don't we just pretend it never happened?" The audience seemed fine with the situation, after all the song was almost over, but I knew she was speaking to me and not them with her coarse sounding words.

The interruption lasted less than sixty seconds, but my heart fell in my chest and I was tempted to run from the club and never look back. However, I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder, squeezing tightly and I gained some sort of odd strength from it. In retrospect, he truly was an excellent friend.

"That's her isn't it?" Emmett questioned as Bella segued into some song I didn't know, most likely something she had written herself. It was melancholy and dark, very unlike the Bella I knew from years gone by who sang of love, hope and promise. This was all about heartache, loneliness and depression. Listening to her literally felt like my heart was coming out of my chest, and her hands were clutching it while it slowly stopped beating.

I couldn't speak, so I simply nodded my head at Emmett and he squeezed me a bit harder. "I kinda figured based on the way your face looked so hopeful at first and then fell to the floor, much like your beer."

"She hates me."

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"Listen to her songs. They are all about heartache, depression… fuck, this is not what I expected from tonight."

"She could be singing about some other douche bag that treated her like shit and ignored her existence," offered Emmett as I turned and growled at him, not even willing to entertain the notion that Bella had been with someone else. As far as I was concerned, Bella stopped having sex the moment we broke up, just like I had. Then again with me, I felt like my abstinence was my penance for my shoddy treatment of Bella. Of course Emmett and Jasper just thought I was being an emo bastard and Em, more than Jazz, was always insisting that I just needed to get laid. However, sitting here before Bella, listening to her sweet voice as she sang to the crowd, I was relieved at my past decision. Perhaps it would show her I was remorseful.

"Shut the fuck up. You're not helping matters."

"Oh and sitting here doing nothing is helping?"

"What do you expect me to do Emmett? Go all cave man on her, rush the stage and drag her back to the green room where I can confess my love for her and pour my heart out? I somehow don't think that is the best approach in this situation."

"Will you two shut the hell up? Don't make me regret bringing you assholes," chided Rosalie as our waitress came by with a mop and dustpan to clean up the mess left by my broken beer bottle. I quickly ordered another drink, with two shots of tequila, and found myself glued to the beautiful girl on the small wooden stool who stole my heart so long ago.

She was at peace with the guitar on her lap, her face completely devoid of any worry, until she lifted her head and make eye contact with me. Then she just looked conflicted, like she wasn't sure whether she should run off the stage away from me, or continue playing. "Why does she keep looking at you?" Rosalie questioned as I downed the two shots from the waitress and followed it with a long pull of my beer.

"She's the one. The girl I wronged, so to speak."

"No shit. You know her?" Rosalie and Dana asked incredulously.

"Intimately."

"Well this explains so much about her music now. Does the name Anthony mean anything to you?" Dana questioned as I took another drink and let out a slight groan.

"It's my middle name."

"She has a song with that name."

"Fuck me, really?" I asked in shock as both girls nodded their head at me while Emmett and Ally just sat back and watched the show on the stage. Well, Emmett listened to our conversation, but Ally was completely tuned out, not giving a shit. "It's not good huh?"

"Remember back in the day when everyone laughed about the guy who pissed off Alanis and she wrote her song 'You Oughta Know' because he had clearly fucked her over, and then to add insult to injury we found out it was Joey from Full House?" I nodded slowly to Rosalie's rant because I did recall hearing something about it in the past, like ten years ago. "Well, her song looks tame compared to Bella's."

I folded my arms in front of me, resting them on the table as I bent my head forward and buried it in shame. For years I had thought about what would happen when I saw Bella again. There were the rather lofty dreams of her forgiving me immediately, she would move her stuff into my condo the next day and then we lived happily ever after, sharing hours of totally fucking awesome sex that lasted for weeks, my need for her finally sated. Then there were the visions I had of her pretending like I didn't exist and walking away from me as I collapsed on the floor in shock. The latter haunted me more often than the first sadly.

"Are you going to do something about it?" asked Dana as I lifted my head slightly as Bella finished her current song and began playing her next one, a slightly more lively tune that I thought I vaguely recognized.

"What the hell should I do?"

"Start by apologizing," Ally said, finally throwing in her two cents. "What? I have an opinion. You may not want me, Edward, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy. You may have been an asshole in the past, but you seem decent enough now I suppose."

"Thanks… I think," I replied as I looked up at the stage and locked eyes with Bella again. They were red. She looked like she was about to start crying. Could this night get any worse?

I sat in my seat for the rest of her set, contemplating what the fuck to do. I had Rosalie, Ally and Emmett being rather supportive and telling me to go and talk to her. Dana even seemed to be on my side for a while until she saw Bella staring daggers at me and then she quickly switched to Team Bella. I found myself shocked by how quickly the night went by when she announced she was about to do her last song.

"Thanks so much for attending my little show. You guys mean the world to me and the fact that people actually want to hear me sing floors me sometimes. So this song is for you," she said softly. "Nothing like a little Coldplay to end the evening, right?" Bella repositioned herself on the stool and closed her eyes tightly before beginning to play the guitar, a familiar song falling from her sweet lips.

_You cut me down a tree  
And brought it back to me  
And that's what made me see  
Where I was going wrong_Unfortunately for me, she never finished the song. As she ended the sentence, she clutched her guitar tightly and I watched her bolt off stage towards the waiting arms of a rather tall guy, who pulled her against him and ushered her into the back. A young waitress hopped on stage and gave everyone a quick apology, as some of the crowd clapped excitedly and others looked dumbstruck.

You put me on a shelf  
And kept me for yourself  
I can only blame myself  
You can only blame me

"Now is your chance," urged Emmett as he gripped my shoulder and made me stand up. "Go and talk to her."

"And say what?" I spat at him angrily, not feeling too excited about being pressured to go and speak to her. I was out of my element, caught completely off guard and unsure of what to say. I was confused to say the least.

"Who gives a shit? You'll think of something off the cuff. Dude, if you don't do something, you will regret it." Emmett shoved me forward and before I could turn and run away, my feet began leading me towards the backstage area. Of course, I had no game plan, so I walked until someone stopped me; the big guy who helped Bella off the stage.

"Can I help you?" he asked as he crossed his thick arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes at me. He had pretty tanned skin for the winter time and looked like he spent every waking moment in the gym, he could definitely take me if this led to a fight of some sort, so I decided to play it cool.

"Umm… I know Bella. We're old um… shit, we're old friends. Is it possible that I can speak with her?" I asked nervously as the guy eyed me up and quirked his eye brow.

"Do you realize that I hear that after every fucking show man? Bella isn't interested in listening to your demo, coming to see your garage band or having dinner. Do you get me?" he said snidely as a roadie, or so I guessed, came up and began whispering to him, though not low enough that I couldn't hear him. I now knew the big guys name was Jared, and he wasn't looking at me with any sympathy.

"I promise, I don't want any of the above," I stammered anxiously. "Well maybe, the dinner, but I truly just want to talk to her for a few minutes. Any chance you can tell her Edward wants to talk to her?"

"No."

"You couldn't just turn a blind eye and let me have five minutes of her time?"

"Not in a million years."

"Could you be persuaded with money? I have a lot of it and I'm willing to use it to get some time with her."

"Now what the fuck do you take me for, her fucking pimp?" Jared shouted angrily as he walked towards me, effectively pushing me back into the main part of the bar and away from backstage. "Now listen and listen good, you fucking punk. You cannot talk to Bella and you have got to be shitting me if you think I will believe you have money considering you are wearing the rattiest fucking leather jacket I have ever seen," Jared was fuming now and Emmett had thankfully noticed the entire scene and came up to join me, with Rosalie hot on his heels.

"Uh yeah, hi there big guy," Emmett said jovially as he tried to break the tension between me and Jared. "I'm Emmett McCarty and this is my wife Rosalie. Our friend here is Edward."

"Jared," he said as he ground his teeth together tensely.

"Well Jared, it's a pleasure to meet you," said Rosalie sweetly as I looked at her with wide eyes. What the fuck was she doing practically purring at the guy like that? "It looks like you work out Jared."

"Well, you know, in this line of work it's kinda required," he uttered nervously as I tried to jump at the chance that he was distracted and sneak by, but it didn't happen. Jared pushed me against the wall, his forearm against my neck and holding me in place. I was having a bit of trouble breathing and my arms were flailing about at my sides. I surely looked like a complete fucking loser. Fuck my life. "Seriously dude, don't make me snap your fucking neck."

"Put him down, Jared," I heard Bella say softly from behind him. When Jared let go of me, I grasped at my neck, rubbing it softly and letting the circulation work its way back through me. Jared moved aside briefly and I saw Bella standing in the doorway of what looked like a dressing room. Her eyes were still stained red and she looked different than she had on stage. Just as confident and sure of herself, but it was clear that she had lost weight in the years since I had seen her. At least a good fifteen pounds was gone, and she was already slim when we dated. It didn't suit her. "Now that you can breathe again, I think it's time you leave."

"I just need five minutes," I called out as I went to move forward, my hand extended towards Bella, which Jared caught. I had to admit, if he was her bodyguard, he did an excellent fucking job.

"You don't need anything, Edward. I gave it all to you four years ago. It's time you left and moved on. Stop trying to find me." Bella turned on her heels and I opened my mouth in shock. She knew I had been looking for her and was what… hiding? She didn't want to be found?

"Listen lady, I don't know you from Jack, but my friend here has been torn up for four fucking years over you. I think it's only fair you give him a few minutes, even if all he gets is closure," Emmett shouted loudly, getting Bella's attention, because she stopped dead in her tracks, her hand gripping the door as she was about to close it. However, she snapped her head back quickly and narrowed her eyes on Emmett and me.

"You think it's fair if I give him five minutes? He wasn't the only person who lost something all those years ago. However, I don't think he deserves five minutes with me. In fact, this conversation is more than he should have gotten. Now, leave me the fuck alone."

"I love you," I called out, unsure of what the fuck to say to get her to stay. Unfortunately, my words had the opposite reaction than I was expecting because Bella crossed the hallway to where I was standing and reached her hand up, slapping me soundly across the cheek. Emmett, Rosalie and even Jared cringed as they watched her confident movements.

"You never knew what the fuck love was, Edward," she shouted before turning and heading back towards her dressing room. Since everyone was still in shock from her slap, me included, I did the only thing that crossed my mind at that moment - I ran into her dressing room and shut the door behind us, locking it so we couldn't be interrupted.

"I promise I will leave your life if you just give me five minutes. I just need to explain and like Emmett said, get some closure." Although in my mind I knew closure was the last thing I wanted. However, I figured if Bella thought I was just here to move on then maybe she would talk to me.

Bella threw herself down onto the ratty looking red velvet chair that sat in the corner of the room and looked positively livid. More angry than I had ever seen her look before. "A lot has changed in the past several years, Edward. Nothing you can say now will make a fucking difference."

"You swear a lot more now," I said, trying to lighten the mood, but Bella wasn't having any of it. She was right, she had changed a lot.

"Just say whatever the fuck you want to say and get out. I'm tired and had the shittiest show of my career, so I'm not in the mood for your shit," she stated firmly as she grabbed her guitar from beside her and began to strum it meticulously. She reminded me, even just for a brief moment, of how she was when I first met her and I had to sit down to brace myself for all the shit that was about to fly. I wasn't expecting her to forgive me immediately, but I hoped she would listen. At least for a little while. "Are you going to say something or not? I don't have all night Edward. Plus, someone will probably try to open the door sooner or later. Jared doesn't take kindly to me being kidnapped by deranged fans."

"Shit, sorry," I stammered nervously, unsure of how to start apologizing. "First of all, Kate, the woman that was at my apartment that day… fuck, that day sucked more than you could imagine. Well, you probably could imagine since you left Chicago that day, but… Kate is my cousin. In fact, her and my Uncle Graham were the only family I had left after the night. This is going to be hard to explain, so how about I go back to the beginning?"

"You do realize if you had just been open with me initially about everything, not just Kate, then it's plausible that we wouldn't be having these problems right now, right?" I nodded my head sullenly as a loud banging came from the other side of the door and Jared started screaming for Bella. "Go the fuck away. We're talking." There was some grumbling and then I thought I heard Emmett yell out happily, but I wasn't sure. Either way, Bella was open to listening to me and I wasn't going to pass up that opportunity.

"Okay, so the day I met you… I was pretty fucking stoned. I had gone on like a little weed bender, so to speak, because my grandfather has passed away a few days earlier. He was my mother's father, and my parents had led me and my sister to believe that he wanted nothing to do with us. However, when I touched base with my cousin Kate after I got into the city in August, she told me that what I had heard from my parents was far from the truth."

"I'm sorry your grandfather died," Bella said without emotion as I looked up at her, and she looked from me, back to her guitar. She didn't want to maintain eye contact and I found myself hoping, even just slightly, that I was getting through to her.

"Yeah well, on the day… the day you left, I had to go to his will reading that morning. My parents had tried to contest it before it was read, knowing full well that they were cut out of it. Kate and I both had to go to the reading because in the months leading up his death, we both went and spent time with him. I learned he hadn't approved of my father, worried he would turn out just like his father before him and treat my mother like shit, which he had by the way," I said with a huge sigh as I leaned my head back against the wall.

"Oh sit the fuck down, Edward," Bella said as she motioned with her hands towards the green couch to her left. I grabbed a seat and she looked at me expectantly, waiting for more of my story.

"Anyways, my grandfather left me and Kate substantial funds in his will. My Uncle Graham got the house that he lived in during his childhood and he left the rest to charities and schools, including Northwestern actually," I said as Bella's eyes grew wide in surprise. I didn't want to tell her about the actual amount of money, so I left it be for now. "That night… when Kate was trying to get me out of the apartment, we were heading to dinner with my family, which I couldn't miss. I would have given everything I had if I could have gone back and just explained everything to do before then. I hated my family for the way they treated me when I was growing up, so I tried to distance myself from them. The dinner was just the icing on the cake… and my parents disowned me that night."

"Why didn't you tell me anything? Why didn't you acknowledge me? Why didn't you want me? Was I not enough for you, Edward? Please, explain all of this to me, I never understood why you treated me like shit one minute and like a precious diamond the next. I have never met anyone as contradictory as you were with me," asked Bella stoically. Her voice started off quiet, asking her questions but as she grew angrier, she began to get more forceful, and I relished her getting angry with me. At least it meant she felt something. There was emotion behind her actions and response, it gave me hope.

"My life growing up was one big competition it seemed and I never did anything good enough for my parents. I also never really got to enjoy anything that was just mine, without their intrusion. You were the first truly good thing I ever found. I thought, based on my past, that if someone knew how special I thought you were, that they would take you away from me or turn you against me. It was irrational, but I was a product of my fucked up parents. My sister was my adversary and always tried to one up me in everything I did. I just didn't want that with you." Bella groaned as she leaned back in her chair, the guitar resting across her lap as she began running her hands up and down her face in frustration.

"If you had just talked to me, you would have known I would have done anything for you, Edward." Bella didn't sound overly genuine with her statement though. "That first day… you enthralled me. I was completely enamored with you and you tossed me away. I was not and I am not your family. I never would have treated you or done anything to make you feel the way they did. If you had just explained everything to me in the first place…" Bella drifted off with her comment and pulled the guitar from her lap, standing up to begin pacing around the room.

"Would it have made anything different?"

"If you had treated me better, it would have made a world of fucking difference, Edward. I can't look back with regret though. Me leaving you and Chicago, though extreme and heartbreaking, brought me here," Bella looked around the small room and a smile graced her face for the first time since I had laid eyes on her on stage over an hour and a half ago. "Music is what I love. It will always be my priority. Music won't let me down and abandon me when I need it. That night I never needed anyone as much as I needed you, Edward."

"I know," I said remorsefully as I hung my head in shame, burying my face in my hands so that Bella couldn't see my expression, which was full of sadness and regret. "I would change everything if I could."

"And I would change nothing."

There was another knock on the door interrupting us and I let out a small groan. Bella crossed the room in four steps and opened the door tentatively, finding Jared on the other side. "Hate to interrupt you, but we have to get back to the hotel. You have four interviews scheduled in the morning and I'm really not looking forward to you being a complete bitch because you didn't get enough sleep."

"Thanks," Bella replied as I moved my head slightly and saw Emmett and Rosalie standing outside the door, waiting for me. Bella turned and looked at me before holding the door open, basically forcing me from the room wordlessly. I stood up, but I wasn't done talking to her. There was so much left unsaid and I had so much I wanted to tell her, that I needed to tell her.

"It was good to see you." Bella's voice sounded casual and cold, not emotional at all, like I once thought she had been. Had anything I said to her sunk in? Did she even care that I hadn't tried to ruin her or us on purpose, but I just didn't know any other way?

"I need to see you again. This can't be it… please? Alice always had faith that if I changed I would find you again." At the mention of Alice's name, Bella seemed to perk up slightly.

"You knew Alice?"

"Yeah well… I went looking for you and met her and Jasper in the process. She helped me turn my life around. We became wonderful friends, she inspired me. She still does actually."

"Is she still here in the city? I'd love to see her."

I scrubbed my hands across my face and wondered how the fuck to respond to that. Bella clearly wasn't aware of the situation and not only did I have to be the jerk ex –boyfriend who ruined her show, I was about to ruin her night, if not more.

"Alice is back home, buried in Forest Green Cemetery. She died a month after you left Chicago."

**A/N: Can you believe my beta, MaggieMay14, forgot I had killed off Alice? WTF? **

**Anywhoo, two little notes of interest. First one being the Fandom Gives Back Auction that is happening during the week leading up to the Eclipse release. I will be participating again, doing First Come First Serve style auctions for outtakes and brand new one shots. There may be more offered, I'm still debating actually, so start saving your pennies and check your couch cushions for spare change.**

**Secondly, I've been nominated as Best Author in the 2010 All Human Fan Fiction Awards. I have no idea who decided to nominate me, but thank you. Go here to vote for me or anyone else you deem fit: twilightallhumanawards (dot)webs(dot)com/voting(dot)htm**

**Oh and thanks to my beta, the aforementioned MaggieMay14, and my fantastical pre-readers, Risbee, Flightlessbird11 and forgethesong. You guys are good cuddlers too.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm back. Thanks so much for sticking with me as we near the end. As a quick FYI, this story will only end up being 12 chapters, including the epilogue. But think positive, once it's done I can start posting something else. LOL**

**Huge thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 who beta'd this beast fairly quickly considering I'm sure she is still on a high from meeting the New Kids on the Block last week and seeing them in concert twice. Cuddles to my gals Risbee, Flightlessbird11 and Megsican11 who share my virtual twitter bed and pre-read this catastrophe.**

**I don't own Twilight; just a prescription for antibiotics and a job that is currently getting on my last nerve.**

**Chapter 10**

_I know the way to silently make you  
smile with my eyes, when you're trying to fight_

_-When I Find You by Joshua Radin_

**EPOV**

Bella looked dumbfounded at my revelation about Alice. Actually, that was probably an understatement considering she practically threw herself on the couch beside the door of her dressing room and buried her head in her hands. She was sobbing softly and I wanted to console her, but Jared muscled his way past me and kneeled down before her, whispering something to her I couldn't quite make out.

After a few moments of awkwardness, Bella finally stilled lifted her head and spoke quietly. "Where's Jasper?"

"He's still around. I see him pretty often, actually. In fact, it was him who encouraged me to try and find you after Alice passed away. I think focusing on helping me really took his mind off of everything, even though it was useless." Bella gave me a small smile in response and I felt my heart swell, because I felt a small twinge of hope. "I'm sure he would love to see you while you're in the city."

"Bella, come on hon. We need to get back to the hotel, did you forget the early morning interviews?" stated Jared as I let out a small growl because I didn't want her to leave. Not yet. There was so much that was unresolved between us. So much that I needed to say.

"Yeah, I remember. You've mentioned it twice in the past five minutes," Bella said as she stood up from the couch and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I'm free before my set tomorrow for like 2 hours. Meet me here around 4 and we can have an early dinner," Bella said simply as a huge smile crossed my face that I simply couldn't hide. "Bring Jasper with you."

Well shit, that wasn't what I was hoping would happen. I simply nodded my head and found myself thankful that she wanted to talk to me again at all. As I leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek she backed away. Could I seriously have expected anything else?

Rosalie and Emmett flanked my sides and Rose excitedly thanked Bella for the show, insisting that she was one of Bella's biggest fans. "Rose honey, you don't need to fan girl her. I'm sure she gets enough of it from everyday folk that she doesn't need it from her ex-boyfriends neighbor."

"I'm just trying to give the girl props. Her show was really good, though I bet tomorrow's will be even better without all the Edward fuckery to distract her," Rosalie said with a sigh as I simply rolled my eyes. After all, it's not like I knew in advance that Bella was performing or that all of this would go down.

"If you guys want to come back tomorrow night, you are more than welcome. Jared, put their names on the list," Bella announced stoically, clearly still upset by the whole revelation of Alice's passing. I heard Rosalie let out a sigh beside me, knowing full well that she couldn't make tomorrow night's show because of her plans with Maggie and her current victim er… boyfriend. "Oh well, next time I'm in town then. I think I'll remember you, after all, tonight has been pretty unforgettable."

Bella turned on her heels and grabbed her purse and a bag from the dressing room before heading down the hallway towards the exit with Jared behind her. "Tomorrow at four o'clock right?" I yelled out to confirm and Bella simply nodded her head and continued moving. This was a start. It wasn't much, but it was something, provided she was willing to listen to me.

As Emmett, Rosalie and I stepped in front of the club, most of the concert-goers had dispersed and the street was pretty empty. Rosalie flagged down a cab with her patented loud as fuck whistle and we all piled in the backseat as I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket so I could text Jasper. It was too late at night to call him unfortunately.

_Jazz, you better be free at 4 tomorrow. I desperately need your help -E _

The rest of the car ride was a bit awkward as Rosalie questioned me non-stop about my history with Bella. When I told her I used to listen to her play constantly, Rosalie was a little more than envious. It was moments like this that I wished I had recorded some of the songs she had played for me. I knew she was talented, but never really thought about the big picture in regards to where her career was concerned. However, when we got out of the cab at our building, I felt pride swell within me. Bella had done what she always wanted to do, and I was happy for her. I just wished I was part of her life.

BB&EE

When I woke up the next morning, my head was overwhelmed with images of the night before. Bella on stage as she sang, Bella as she slapped me with four years worth of anger in her small hands and of course, Bella walking away. That one made my head ache a bit more than usual because it reminded me so much of when she walked away from me the first time, disappearing from my life and leaving me alone for so many years. I rubbed my fingers across my face and realized that I really only had myself to blame for our separation, but I was on a mission to change things between Bella and me.

I glanced over at my alarm clock that read 10:02 a.m. and realized that Jasper would definitely be up by now. I grasped for my cell phone and sure enough, I found a text waiting from him.

_This isn't another wild goose chase is it? I told you to give it up – Jazz_

Rather than text him back, I decided to call him and force him to have dinner with Bella and I. Maybe I could even convince him to make up some excuse that he had existing plans so that I had more time alone with her. Without a doubt Jasper would be helpful in my quest to win Bella back, but he was also a hindrance. I needed time alone with her and with him joining us it wasn't going to be a possibility.

"Good morning Jazzie," I said brightly as he grumbled into the phone. "Rough night?"

"Rough week, man. Where have you been these days? I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth." Jasper always did have a tendency to be overdramatic, but he was a great friend, even if we didn't see each other as much as we would have liked. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would bail me out of jail or help me bury a body if it came to that.

"Yeah, same here. March break started yesterday for the kids, so I had to finish grading an ass load of papers," I said casually as Jasper grunted in response. "Anyways, I need your help. Well, I need your time more than anything."

"This sounds ominous."

"Have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?"

"Yes, constantly. Now, tell me what you need, I have important things to do today."

"I need you to meet me downtown at a club called the Back Door at four this afternoon."

"Wow. Edward, this is so sudden. I've always thought you were handsome and shit, but I don't swing that way, man," Jasper said with a laugh as I rolled my eyes and pretended that he was being funny though he wasn't.

"Yeah, thanks asshole. It's a music club and Bella played there last night."

"Bella, like your Bella? Like you flew to butt fuck nowhere in Washington to try and find her and came back empty handed, Bella?" Jasper asked, reminding me of the shit that went down when I went to find her, with no luck.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh as I began recounting the entire situation from the night before involving Rosalie, Emmett and the concert. When I was finished, Jasper was silent and I tapped my fingers against the receiver. "Are you still there?"

"I'm here Edward, don't worry. So Bella wants to have dinner with you and me tonight and we are supposed to meet her at 4 at this horribly named, not gay, club. Am I getting this right?"

"Perfectly. I told her about Alice. She didn't know."

"Yeah well, she has sorta been out of contact for a little while right? It doesn't surprise me. Did she take it alright?" Jasper questioned with concern in his voice. I was relieved that Jasper could talk about Alice these days, because in the early days after her passing, it was rough on him. Every little thing seemed to remind him of her and he was truly an emotional wreck. He's still in therapy and is trying his best to move on, but he's not the same guy I met in the month before Alice died.

"As well as could be expected, I guess. She sat down on a couch and sobbed for a bit. I think she was putting up a brave front though."

"Well, she and Alice were never super close when they lived together, but they were getting there before Bella took off home, or wherever she went." Jasper paused for a few months, the awkward silence broken by the sound of a sink turning on and then he spoke again. "So, yeah… I'll meet you at the club. I can't stay for dinner though, cause I actually have plans."

"Really?"

"A date, if you can believe it. One of my co-workers set it up. It's with her cousin, Maria. I figured I should try and get back on that horse right?" Jasper asked, clearly looking for guidance.

"Of course you should man. Alice wouldn't have wanted you to give up on life because she was gone. She'd be proud to see how far you have come since then," I said with all seriousness.

"Thanks, man. I'll see you tonight." Jasper hung up the phone mere moments later and I threw my head back on my pillow, breathing a sigh of relief that he was going to come to the club, even if he couldn't stay. However, a dreadful thought then coursed through me. What if Bella didn't want to have dinner with me since Jasper couldn't stay? Shit.

At quarter to four that afternoon, I found myself awkwardly pacing around the front of the Back Door waiting for Jasper. I had dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved shirt under my heavy leather jacket. I felt the cold Chicago wind against my skin and shuddered just as Jasper showed up, stepping out of a cab and handing the driver a few bills before greeting me with a head nod.

"Still not driving huh?" I asked curiously as Jasper just shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

"Where's Bella?" he questioned, immediately changing the topic, as he walked over to me and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was anxious, just like I was. I wanted to get my girl back and he didn't want to relive the situation that had happened with his girl. This was a potential disaster in the making, I could feel it.

"I'm assuming she's inside. I was waiting for you," I replied simply as he grabbed for the handle on the front door and wretched it open. As we walked in, we were immediately greeted by a tall burly bouncer who looked like he was about to eat us for a late lunch.

"We're closed, boys," he said succinctly with his arms crossed over his chest. He was not moving, that was until he heard the soft voice of Bella behind him.

"They're with me," Bella said as she walked up behind him in a long grey sweater dress with knee high black leather boots. I swallowed thickly as I felt Jasper nudge me with his shoulder, as though he thought I wasn't looking. Like I wouldn't be looking at her when she looked so fucking hot. "I need to finish rehearsal, so if you boys don't mind waiting for like 15 minutes, we can then go grab a bite to eat and talk. Is that alright?" Bella asked as she guided us into the main part of the club, which looked vastly different in the light of day than it had the night before.

"Yeah, that's fine. But do you think I could get a proper greeting?" Jasper said with a sly smile as he opened his arms out wide and Bella was quick to hug him back. "I've missed you, Bella. I had to admit I was shocked when Edward told me he had literally stumbled upon you last night, but I'm thrilled to see you." Jasper squeezed her tight before putting her back on her feet and giving her a sweet wink. I was envious, because he could simply slide back into the friendship that they used to have and I was an outsider to her. I had broken her heart and her spirit and she wasn't easily going to forget that, no matter what I did.

"I'm sorry about…" Bella began to say as Jasper held up his hand to silence her, clearly not ready to talk about Alice.

"Go finish your rehearsal. We'll sit back here waiting," Jasper said as he led me to a table in the back that had just been cleared by the staff. Bella shrugged her shoulders and climbed back on stage to take her guitar in hand and played a few songs, stopping every now and again to discuss technical issues with Jared and some other guy. We were both quiet, my eyes trained on each move that Bella made, as Jasper started to tap his fingers anxiously against the table top.

"What?" I asked as I turned to him and noticed he had a big smirk on his face.

"You still love her."

"You sound surprised?" I asked with a groan. I would have figured after everything we had been through that he would have known this.

"I just thought that maybe after four years you would have moved on, at least emotionally."

"Are you still emotionally connected to Alice?" I questioned in frustration, as I immediately felt remorseful once the words had fallen from my mouth. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that."

"It's fine, but to answer your question, of course I'm still connected to Alice. I know I always will be. However, I've been trying to move on and you haven't. I guess I just never realized that until now." Jasper leaned back slightly in his chair just as I noticed Bella put her guitar back in her case and hand it to Jared. She noticed me looking and held up her finger, signaling that she needed a moment and then she slipped away backstage. "How was it that I had no idea she was a music star?"

"I had no idea and I listen to up and coming music, or I like to think I do at least."

"Just not alterna-grunge chick rock or whatever she calls it," said Jasper with a laugh as Bella strolled up behind him, a thick white wool coat wrapped around her lithe body. She reached her hand behind her neck and pulled her long hair out of the neck of her coat and I let in a deep breath, letting her scent surround me. It shocked me how her doing something so casual was so important to me.

"I just call it music, Jazz, now let's go. I have to be back in two hours for a radio interview. There's a little diner around the corner I know of, if that works for you guys?" Jazz and I readily agreed and we guided her out into the cold street after Bella assured Jared that she would be fine on her own. I may have smirked slightly when he looked saddened by her abrupt dismissal of him.

"I think that Jared guy has a thing for you," Jasper said as we walked to the corner and waited for the light to change. I looked down at Bella, she simply shrugged her shoulders and let out a small sigh.

"There is a past between us, but that's all I'm going to say about it." My hands clenched into fists at my sides as my mind went into overdrive and began imagining Jared with _my_ Bella. I shook my head of my thoughts just as Jasper yelled at me to keep up because they had already crossed the street. Thankfully, it only took five more awkwardly silent minutes until we were walking inside a small diner and Bella was requesting a table at the back, by the window.

I tried to be a gentleman and help Bella with her coat, but she managed it herself as she gave me a narrowed look and slid into the booth seat. Rather than aggravate her further, I sat on the opposite side from her and Jasper sat down beside me. Our waitress was quick to take our drink orders, Jasper choosing nothing as he explained to Bella that he had a date tonight that he was looking forward to, and therefore couldn't stay past 5:15. It was already quarter to five.

"So, I'm glad to see you've kept busy the past few years," joked Jasper with a wide grin as Bella let out a small laugh. I couldn't help but notice that it wasn't nearly the same joyful laugh that she used to have back in college; it seemed void of something.

"That would be an understatement. I only started back into my music two years ago actually. I had been writing when I was home, but one weekend I drove into Seattle with a friend and did an open mic night. Everything sorta skyrocketed from there as local radio took some interest in me since one of their DJ's was in the audience that night. Jacob thinks it was all fate, but I told him I didn't believe in fate," Bella said simply as her fingers ripped apart a napkin in front of her and she looked down at the table.

"I believe in fate," I said as Bella looked up at me and then back towards Jasper, who had just interrupted me.

"Who's Jacob?" he asked as Bella smiled, bigger than I had seen since we had first laid eyes on each other the night before.

"Jacob is like… Jacob is my biggest fan. He's a friend of mine from back home who literally dragged my ass to that open mic night. He really helped me move on… from everything," Bella declared wistfully as Jasper reached over and patted her hand, something I couldn't do for her because she would certainly pull away. "Do you miss Alice?"

"Every day," Jasper replied as he and Bella stared at each other for a moment before she broke the tension.

"She was special and I was never nice enough to her. All she ever wanted was to be my friend, and I made it so hard for her," Bella said with remorse as her eyes filled with tears and she wiped them away, trying to hide that she was crying. "The night I left was the night we had the biggest heart to heart. I wish… I just wish things were different."

"We all wish things were different," said Jasper as he looked at me and pulled his hand away from Bella's, grasping mine and putting it on top. When Bella looked down and noticed the change, she pulled away swiftly and shoved her hands under the table. "Alice liked you Bella, and you never treated her with ill intent, you just weren't ready to be her friend then. She understood and never held it against you. Alice would be proud of where you are now. Just like she would be proud of Edward for all the changes he's made in his life since you left."

Bella let out a small groan and truly didn't seem to care about what Jasper had to say about me. "Thanks for your kind words Jasper," she said, disregarding his final comments. "Tell me what you have been up to for the past few years. I'm dying to know." Jasper and I both groaned as she lifted her hand to her face and rubbed it in aggravation. "Sorry, bad choice of words."

Jasper just laughed it off and began telling her about his job, family and friends. He also seemed excited about his date with Maria, informing us that they hadn't actually met, but chatted on the phone and through email a couple times. "She seems nice, friendly and easy-going. I let her know I wasn't looking for anything too serious and she was the one who encouraged me to play it by ear."

"You still aren't dating? After Alice?" Bella asked incredulously as Jasper patted me on the shoulder.

"Actually, neither of us has really dated in a few years. Edward had a few terrible dates that always ended up in complete shambles and I've been busy with work, therapy and other shit that I will spare you from hearing." Bella suddenly turned her head towards me with shock clear in her eyes.

"You didn't date?"

"Well, date is a subjective word in my opinion. I've been subjected to countless blind dates that to put into simple terms were complete piles of shit," I said with a laugh as Bella gave me a small smile in response. It was better than nothing. "Rose loves to set me up on dates. Well, she did until recently. In agreement for me going to the club last night, Emmett made her promise not to set me up on any more. She was like the world's worst version of eHarmony ever."

"Remember when she thought you were gay?" Jasper asked as Bella snorted loudly and began to laugh.

"Seriously?" she questioned as I nodded my head sadly.

"Yeah, thanks for mentioning that one, Jazz," I said as I shot an angry glance his way, but he just laughed more, making Bella laugh along with him. However, I noticed that a prime opportunity to question Bella had come up, so I jumped at it. "Umm... how about you? Anyone special?"

"Well, there's my roadies, Seth and Liam, they are pretty special I suppose. Then Jake, I see him all the time when I go back to Forks. He's engaged to Emily and she's special. There's Jared too, but he's more like short bus, eat the paste kind of special," she said cheerfully as we all broke out into laughter. "Jared tried… I rebuffed him. It's been an endless circle really, but he's a great friend, bodyguard and he really keeps me on task when I get distracted."

Bella looked directly at me when she mentioned being distracted and I wondered what was running through her mind. My thoughts were cut short when Jasper stood up from the table and announced that he had to go get ready for his date. "Why don't you bring her to the club tonight? I would love to see you again. I'll make sure you guys are put on the guest list."

Jasper readily agreed and after some awkward hugs and a promise from him to call me tomorrow, Bella and I slid back into our booth seats and looked at each other anxiously. The waitress came over a moment later and took our order, both of us opting for the soup and salad combo, and when she left, it was tense all over again.

"I want you to know…"

"I think I need to explain…"

We both fumbled over our words, speaking at the exact same time and I held my hand out towards Bella, letting her speak first. "I want you to know that I did listen when you talked to me last night. I heard every word you said."

"There's so much more to explain though," I said simply as Bella nodded her head. "From both of us, I think. I want to know where you have been, what you've done… fuck, I want to know everything. However, we don't really have the luxury of time, do we?" Bella was quiet, opting to shake her head instead and I knew I had to tell her everything.

"Ok, so we already covered the basics. Kate is my cousin, she's expecting a baby, by the way," I said casually, a smile crossing my face as I thought about the last time I saw her and how big she was getting. "Umm… my grandfather died, left me tons of money and my family tried to take it cause they went bankrupt and subsequently disowned me."

"He left you tons of money? I know you mentioned him leaving you something, but you never said how much. Not that I want to know, it's none of my business," Bella stammered as the waitress brought her a warm cup of tea.

"Ten Million. I'm not shy about the amount. In fact, in the past few years I've barely used it and thanks to wise investments, it's actually closer to $11.5 Million." Bella's jaw literally fell open in shock at the number I was casually tossing out there. "Anyways, it's not important. I mentioned how my family treated me like shit, effectively making me treat you like shit out of fear that they would take you from me. I know it's irrational, but it took my three hundred dollar an hour therapist to teach me that. That being said, I wanted to tell you more about me… me now."

So, Bella and I sat in the small booth, looking out onto the busy Chicago street and I told her that I changed my major the day that Alice passed away and that I was now a high school teacher. This last part seemed to surprise her. "Teaching huh? I never really saw that in you."

"Yeah, me neither, but Alice sat me down one Saturday for hours and we literally hashed out all my likes and dislikes and we figured out that this was something I would be good at. I now teach inner city kids English, and I love it. I thrive in it actually," I admitted as Bella gave me a gentle smile. "The joy I get from it probably compares to how you feel when you get on stage."

"But nothing else has been joyful in your life?" she questioned intently. I was glad she had been paying attention, because as per usually she was very intuitive and noticed I had tensed up while discussing my family.

"Not really. I'm estranged from my family, with the exception of Kate and my Uncle Graham. Although Emmett is like the brother I always wanted and Rosalie really is a superb friend. Like Jasper said, neither of us really dated, but I think you can guess that it's because I've been hung up on you."

"Edward…" Bella started to say as I reached my hand up to gently place it over her mouth, silencing her. I pulled my hand back, shocked by the reaction I felt upon touching her. It was like we had gone back in time to the music room Bella loved so much and the first time I touched her. It was electrifying. I knew she felt it to, as she lifted her hand to her mouth after I had pulled away.

"I'm sorry and I know you probably don't want to hear about how I pined away for you this entire time, but it's true. No woman I ever dated came anything close to you, Bella. I would see women in the streets that looked like you and literally chase them down the street. I searched, high and low for you, even going to the lengths of hiring a private investigator, but I had no luck. I went to Forks, Bella, to the address he gave me and was turned away by a woman who claimed she didn't know you and was new in town. It was hopeless…"

"I know," interrupted Bella as I glanced up from my hands which I was wringing nervously on the table.

"What do you mean you know?"

"That was my mom, Edward," Bella stated simply as this time my mouth hung open in surprise. "I heard a car pull up out front and when I looked out the window, I saw you and panicked. I begged my mom to pretend she was new to town and didn't know me."

"Why… just… why would you do that? Wouldn't me going to such extreme lengths as to fly out to Washington to find you mean something to you? Didn't it show you that I wasn't the person you thought I was… that I was changing?" I blurted out, my voice laced with a hint of anger and frustration. I was trying to remain calm, but now knowing that I had been so close and she was mere feet away from me at the time made me a bit livid.

"I couldn't do it Edward. I couldn't walk down those steps and see you because I knew my resolve would crumble. The day I left, I was the strongest most confident person I had ever been in my life. I was determined to make a fresh start, and seeing you again would have ruined me."

"I just wanted to talk to you, Bella."

"It wasn't easy for me anymore, Edward. It's not like I could just pack up my shit and head back to Chicago at that point. Life had changed between Christmas and New Years. My mother had convinced me to head back to school not long after I had gotten home, but then my father… my father had a stroke and my mother was left to care for him." I went to mutter an 'I'm sorry' to Bella, but she didn't give me the chance. "I couldn't let my mother do it all by herself, so I stayed. Until of course, the trip to Seattle and my subsequent signing to my record label. Right now, all my money from these gigs goes to my mother to help pay the costs of keeping my father alive. My decision was made for me, Edward. I couldn't have left them, even if I wanted to."

"Life would have been so different though, Bella. I could have helped you."

"No, Edward. It wouldn't have been different. If I had seen you, I would have turned you away again. I would have never accepted any sort of money or help from you. I needed to do this on my own. I wanted to do this."

"All I wanted was you Bella. I wanted to apologize to you for what I had done, how I had treated you. I wanted to bring you back to Chicago with me and show you how much I love you."

"Loved me," she corrected as I let out a growl of aggravation. How dare she tell me how I felt about her?

"No Bella, I love you. I have always fucking loved you and I always will."

**A/N: The next chapter is more than half written and should post next week. Thanks for reading and hanging in there while I've been sick. Ear infections are pure evil.**

**Don't forget the Fandom Gives Back Auction coming up. I'm offering up 3 one-shots / outtakes from stories (excluding MIFFY and A Beautiful Mess which are on the auction block of my collaborators) and chapters of my soon to be expanded story Room 15. All my auctions are first come, first serve; so look in your couch cushions for change and we'll see you on Saturday June 26****th****! **


	11. Chapter 11

__

**_Can't you see that when I find you, I'll find me  
Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always  
Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always_**

**When I Find You - Joshua Radin**

**EPOV**

Bella looked completely taken aback, even though I had told her I loved her twice in the past twenty four hours. "Listen Edward…" she began to say as I swiftly interrupted her, not wanting to hear her reject me, again. I wasn't ready to give up yet, I still had some fight left in me and she was definitely worth fighting for.

"I know you think we won't work out and that your hectic touring schedule will throw a wrench into a potential relationship," I muttered awkwardly as Bella let out a small sigh and fidgeted nervously with her hands. "But, you need to know I would do anything for you. I may not have shown it very well when we were together because I was an inconsiderate asshole who didn't want to lose you but ended up doing just that, but I've changed. I need to show you that I've changed."

"That's the problem, Edward. I've changed too. I'm not the same girl you think you fell in love with. I just don't see how you think this is possible," she finished as she motioned with her hand between us, my gut clenching at the thought that reuniting with her was completely impossible.

I was about to respond when our waitress arrived with our dinner, sliding them in front of us as an awkward silence fell between us. I watched intently as Bella took a small spoonful of her soup and smiled genuinely. Apparently, it was pretty good. Her smile fell immediately as she looked back at me. "Since you Edward, I have been completely guarded with my friends, family… hell, everyone. I don't trust easily, I don't sleep around and I certainly am not looking for a relationship. I don't think I ever will. I have my career and my music, and that's all I need."

"Being alone makes you happy?" I questioned anxiously as I pushed my food away, no longer interested in the soup and salad I had ordered. My appetite was completely ruined by our conversation which was clearly not going my way. I quickly realized that I should never have gotten my hopes up like I had the past few days. Bells shrugged her shoulders, not answering my question as I came to the conclusion that being alone made me miserable. In fact, I couldn't see how it could make anyone happy, unless they were the Unabomber or something.

"Are you happy?" Bella asked, avoiding my question.

"I'm content, but I wouldn't say I was truly happy."

"What's the difference?"

"I'm comfortable with the life I am leading and I know I'm making a difference. However, I know there is something… or someone missing from my life. I'm trying to rectify that and I won't be happy until I do," I said simply as Bella's eyes remained trained on mine. I found myself fiddling with the spoon in front of me to pass the time as Bella didn't respond for a bit, choosing instead to focus on her dinner and her tea. "So what about you, Bella? Are you happy?"

"If I go by your example, I guess I am just content, Edward."

"Don't you want more? Don't you think you deserve to be happy?"

"I don't know what I deserve," Bella declared stoically. I opened my mouth to respond as Bella's cell phone began going off and she quickly reached for it, letting out a sigh when she saw who was calling.

"What do you need Jared... no, they said they were coming at seven… can't you distract them or something? I'm kind of in the middle of… fuck, fine. I'll be back in less than ten minutes," Bella uttered angrily as she tossed her phone down on the table and my heart sank in my chest. She had to go and this was ending much sooner than I thought it would. "I'm really sorry about this but the radio station who is interviewing me has apparently shown up earlier than expected and I need to run."

Bella looked at me with a small hint of sadness as she stood up and began to rummage through her purse and pulling out her wallet. "Don't worry about the money. I think I can afford a twenty dollar dinner," I said quietly, my voice full of hurt that I wasn't going to get the time to finish talking to her. I stood up beside her and Bella looked at me as I held out her coat, helping her slip it on. Before I realized it, she was kissing my cheek softly and giving me this awkward hug that I wished could have lasted forever. However, when she let go, she muttered a quick goodbye and was out the door like a flash as I was left wondering what the hell to do next. This certainly couldn't be the end of things and Bella was still in town until tomorrow night; I had to do something.

I tossed some cash onto the table and stepped out into the early evening, heading in the direction of the nearest train station, so I could take it back to my condo. As I sat on the train, staring out the window, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I was surprised to see it was Kate calling me.

"Did you have the baby yet?" I asked with a snicker as I heard Kate grumble on the other end of the phone.

"No, not yet. Soon though, cause either I'm going to the hospital and just telling them I'm in labor when I'm not or this little thing is gonna kick his way out of my stomach. Marcus says he will be a soccer player, whereas I joke he will be a prima ballerina," Kate said with a laugh as I smiled in response. Here was someone who was joyful and I was extremely envious. Kate had what I wanted so desperately; a family and real love.

"I'm so happy for you, if I hadn't mentioned it sooner. You and Marcus will make great parents," I said honestly as my voice faltered slightly. I'd be lying if I never thought of the possibility of Bella and I having children and had even had a few dreams in the past. Of course, my mind often ran away with errant thoughts of us during the past four years. Some of my dreams were so random as I pictured us as free-spirited backpackers, the president and first lady and fuck, even vampires. That one was the by far the oddest.

"What's wrong with you by the way, you sound depressed again. I thought you worked through that shit?" Kate could always tell instantly how I was feeling, like she was my own personal mood ring. It was starting to get annoying though. However, she really was my closest confidante, so I told her everything. About seeing Bella last night and today, and I even went so far as to pick her brain as to how she thought I could win her back. Thankfully, Kate was full of bright ideas on this particular afternoon.

"What about that box you have?"

"What box? I have dozens of boxes in my apartment."

"The box under your bed that you think no one knows about."

"How the fuck do you know about it?" I asked with surprise in my voice. I didn't think anyone knew about that. Lord knows I hadn't even touched it in months.

"I saw it when you moved in. I think I could figure out what it was, and if I was Bella… I think that box may make me change my mind."

"Seriously?" I asked, my voice coming across as a yell in the small train car. "Just that box would make you reconsider?"

"Well, the box itself is a hideous eyesore, but it's the contents of the box that are more important. Just get it to her." I leaned my head against the window and sighed, thinking that it certainly couldn't hurt to send her the box and see what happens. "Oh and Edward, if it works… I want to meet the girl who has captured your heart and soul."

"If it works, I promise you will meet her, Kate," I replied solemnly as the announcement system in the train announced we were at my stop, so I proceeded to get off the phone and then the train. I ran across the street towards my building, excitement in my steps as I then hopped on the elevator up to my floor. Just as I was about to get off, Emmett and Rosalie stood in front of the doors, about to get in.

"Rosalie, do you have any ribbon?" I asked simply as they both looked at me in shock. Who the hell was I kidding, I knew she had ribbon. Rosalie had turned their second bedroom in to a veritable gift wrapping room because she had such an extended family it seemed like she was handing out gifts once a week.

"Ribbon won't work if you are about to try and hang yourself. It's not strong enough. I do however have some extension cords that could work like Locke on Lost," Emmett joked as I punched him in the shoulder. However, Rosalie turned on her heel and walked back towards their apartment, with me and Emmett following closely behind. "How did the meeting with Bella go?"

"Like shit. We talked some more, but then in the middle of it she was called back to give a radio interview. However, Kate gave me a great idea, thus my need for ribbon."

"What kind of ribbon?" Rosalie asked intently, as I looked at her with confusion clear on my face. How the hell was I supposed to know there were different kinds of ribbon? I really just wanted something that looked pretty. "Well come on, Edward, I don't have all night. We're going to be late as it is. Did you picture checks, polka dots, shiny ribbon, grosgrain, velvet, something with stripes or saddle stitching."

"What the fuck is saddle stitching?"

"Fuck, we don't have time for this shit," Emmett stammered as he reached into a drawer in Rosalie's craft desk and pulled out a dark blue ribbon that had a slight sheen to it. It was actually exactly what I had envisioned. "You said she looked good in blue. This will do." Emmett shoved the ribbon at me as Rosalie simply shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, we are going now. Keep us posted, man." And with that, Emmett and Rosalie bounded out their door in a hurry as I locked up behind me and crossed the hallway to my apartment.

I stepped into my small condo and immediately went to my bedroom to find the box. I quickly ran through the contents, deciding to leave everything in it and just see what happened. After all, this was a sort of fly by the seat of my pants type of idea and if I was going down, I might as well do it thoroughly right? I wrapped the ribbon around the ugly brown box and then headed down the street to the florist, looking for a few flowers to put with it. I ended up picking out a small arrangement of blue roses, which the florist explained to me signified the impossible or unattainable. It was oddly perfect, but I just wanted them for the color, because they matched the ribbon Emmett had given me. She also included some white flowers and the whole thing cost me more than I could have ever guessed. However, I also paid extra to make sure that they were delivered before her show started at nine thirty.

When I walked out of the store, I desperately wanted to go back to the Back Door to see her next show, but I knew in my gut that it wasn't the right thing to do. Surely the note I had included with the box and flowers said exactly what I haven't been able to say for the past twenty four hours. At least I hope it did. So instead of coming across like even more of a stalker, I went home and made myself some grilled cheese, finally feeling hungry for the first time in hours. When I was done, I sat by my window and stared out into the Chicago night, hoping like hell that this plan worked. Otherwise I was left with nothing, not even the box.

Shortly after midnight, loud obnoxious banging on my door woke me from my sleep. I had passed out on the couch, waiting in vain for Bella to call me, show up or something. I stood up and the knocking continued and as I strolled over to the door while I tried to figure out what insults to hurl at Emmett for waking me up so late. Someone better have died or gone into labor to justify this fuckery, I groaned to myself in frustration. However, when I looked out the peephole, I was shocked by who greeted me and I opened the door eagerly.

"You can't just send me this shit and expect everything to be fine," Bella said angrily as she barged in, the old brown shoe box in hand. She had specks of snow covering her hair and her coat was wrapped tightly around her; she looked cold. "That's not how shit works anymore."

"How does shit work? I'm trying here Bella, I really am."

"I don't know how it works, Edward, but this," she says as she moved her hands erratically in the air, still clutching the shoe box. "This is not it."

"I'm glad you got it though. Did you get the flowers too?" I questioned stupidly as Bella quirked her eye brow at me and groaned loudly.

"If I got the box, don't you think I got the flowers? I also obviously got your note; otherwise I wouldn't be here right now." Bella tossed the box onto my coffee table and then pulled her coat off, tossing it onto a chair in my dining room. I took it as a positive sign that she was willing to talk to me and watched as she walked around my apartment dressed in the same outfit from earlier in the day. "You can't keep doing this. This isn't how it was supposed to turn out. You were supposed to go away."

"I just want a chance at happiness, Bella. Is that too much to ask?"

"I'm not responsible for your happiness, Edward. You need to leave me be. I was happier before I knew everything. Before I knew you were pining away for me, looking for me, waiting to live your life with me. You need to move on Edward."

"I can't do that. I haven't been happy since we were together, so I need to try." Bella shook her head slowly and continued to walk around my small condo. She took my breath away and I couldn't imagine how great it would feel to have her in my place, but it did. It was awesome. "Just talk to me, alright? That's all I am asking for tonight."

"This is a nice place… very… clean," Bella said simply as her fingers ran along my mantle, which didn't even have anything on it. She was attempting to change the topic and I couldn't understand why she bothered, we had to hash this shit out now. We had no other chance. "Very non-descript."

"Says the girl that lives out of her suitcase," I joked as Bella offered me a small smile. "Yeah well, I still need to decorate," I said with a small laugh as Bella sat down on my couch and crossed her legs in front of her. Fuck, her legs looked good. I shook the thought from my head, realizing that I needed to win her back before I tried anything else. "Did you want something to drink? I have water, Gatorade, milk, ginger ale and I think Kate may have stashed some tea around here somewhere. She loves her tea."

"I'm not thirsty, Edward. You wanted to talk, so let's talk. I want to discuss the box."

I leaned against my kitchen counter and looked at her, unsure of how she truly felt about what I had given her. Was she happy? Furious? Murderous? Annoyed? I couldn't tell. "What do you want to discuss," I said simply, trying to hide my nervousness, as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed over to sit on the couch beside her. She was so close I could literally smell her intoxicating scent and I reveled in it, even for just a brief moment.

"Where did you get it all?"

"I've been collecting it since the first time I met you."

"But why Edward?" Bella asked simply, her eyes filled with sadness. "I was nothing to you. You would fuck me and then ignore me. I was just glutton for punishment and kept coming back for more because I thought… well, it doesn't matter what I thought."

"I took me a while to realize it Bella, but you were everything to me, even if I didn't show you or tell you. I was just a product of my upbringing and my entire thought process surrounding you was completely fucked up. We were so much more important to me than I ever told you, and I'm sorry about that. You are here now and I refuse to let you go until you know how I feel, even if you don't feel the same."

"I think I know how you feel, Edward," Bella said with a sigh as she picked up the box and tossed it towards me. "I can't believe you had all of this or kept any of it. It's just junk."

I looked at her incredulously and tossed the top of the box off as I laughed loudly. "Just junk? You seriously can't claim that this matchbook from the Italian restaurant in Oak Park where we went on our first official date is junk? This is useful to me. One day I may need a match." Bella gave me a gentle smile and I took it as a sign and kept going as I pulled a small blue booklet out of the box. "What about this program from your first Guitar Ensemble show? Now that you are famous, this is gonna be worth big bucks one day."

"You were there?" Bella asked quietly, though the surprise was evident in her voice.

"Of course I was there. I couldn't miss you perform, even if it was your only show with them. You were too good for them anyways. It's not like any of them did anything worth a damn, right?" I said with a grin as Bella let out a laugh.

"Actually, one of the guys plays in Miley Cyrus' tour band, so that's something right?"

"No, not really," I laughed loudly as Bella joined me and I was relieved. I couldn't help but think that this might work after all. "And you can't believe that this coaster from Bellismia, our first coffee date is garbage, can you?"

"Edward…" Bella said quietly as she grabbed the box from between us and moved it onto the table. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I am in love with you and have been since the first moment I saw you sitting in the music room, clutching your guitar. From the first chords of 'I've Got a Woman' you've owned me, Bella. My life won't be complete without you in it. In fact," I said with a grin as I fumbled around in the shoe box looking for my favorite memory, finding it and showing it to Bella eagerly. "I still have the guitar pick you used that very first day. I may have swiped it when you weren't looking."

Bella suddenly grinned from ear to ear at my excitement over the items in the box and reached her hand up to my forehead, touching it gently as the spark ignited between us again. "Are you sure you are feeling alright?" she asked quietly as I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I wrapped my hand gently around her wrist, pulling her closer to me as my lips descended on hers. She didn't fight me as my hand threaded its way through her soft silken dark brown hair, urging her lips closer and as I licked her bottom lip. I was shocked when her mouth opened, and I darted my tongue inside, desperate to feel her against me.

Even more shocking was when Bella suddenly pulled away from me, my breathing labored as I thought she was going to slap me again, but instead she suddenly adjusted herself on the couch and leaned forward, pushing me back onto the couch till we were laying down, as she pressed her chest against mine and continued kissing me again. It was frantic, passionate and desperate, but I was in heaven.

The feeling of her hands working through my hair, tugging gently as her mouth bit on my bottom lip before I covered her lips entirely with mine, was like something from another world. Bella swept her hair to the side and I pressed my lips forward against her neck, sucking on her soft tender skin as she moaned above me and then clutched my face in her hands, kissing me intensely again.

She was the aggressor, which had been rare in our previous relationship, and I reveled in it. My unsteady hands went to her hips and as she ground herself against my aching hard cock, I pushed the soft fabric of her dress further up on her hips; the skin of her thighs feeling like silk beneath my fingers. It had been so long since I had been with her like this, with anyone like this that I had begun to think it would never happen. Now that she was here, I never wanted her to leave. I wanted her always. However, I also wanted her beneath me so I attempted to roll her over onto her back. I wanted to stare into her eyes and reassure her that I would never leave her. I would follow her to the ends of the earth if she would let me.

Just as I wrapped my arm around her waist to reposition us, Bella jumped up from the couch and stood up, looking around the room frantically. "I shouldn't be here," she stammered as she pulled her dress back down, smoothing the soft knit fabric as she noticed her coat on a chair by the door. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to tell you goodbye and you were supposed to tell me you had your closure and we were going to move on."

Bella began mumbling other things that I couldn't quite make out, but based on the tone of her voice it wasn't good. She was upset with herself that was clear. I was upset with her too though, for thinking that I actually didn't want her anymore because that was the farthest thing from the truth.

"I don't fucking want closure."

"What the hell do you want Edward?" she yelled as tears fell down her face and she grasped her coat in her hands and was trying to slip it on, fumbling in her efforts. "What do you expect from me? Do you think I should just forget what happened in the past and how you treated me because your family treated you like shit? Do you think I should just pretend you never ignored me and only wanted me for sex, because you should admit to yourself that I was nothing more than that to you."

"All I ever wanted was you and you were so much more to me than mere words could ever describe." I stalked towards her and Bella's coat hung partially off her shoulders as she backed into my front door and I stopped in front of her, leaving virtually no space. "I don't get how you can stand there and claim I only wanted you for sex. How many nights did we sit in my apartment and just do homework? I would watch you write songs in that ratty old notebook as I twirled your hair in between my fingers, desperate to touch you. How many times did I sit in that music room and listen to you practice just because I wanted to be near you? How many fucking times did I hold you as you fell asleep in my arms, your soft breathing lulling me into my own restless sleep as I dreaded you leaving me? Listening to you breathe was literally the most important sound in my world then, Bella. It still is."

"You can't just say all this shit now. You needed to have said it four years ago when I was an insecure girl who only wanted to be loved by you, but was clearly getting mixed signals because I never saw things the same way you did Edward." My eyes remained trained on Bella as she began to sob quietly, tears falling from her eyes as my stomach clenched in anxiety. "I thought you were just using me."

"I would have said this sooner if I had gotten the chance. I can't go back in time and change what happened or how I treated you, but I can make amends for all of it now. You can give me a second chance and I can prove to you that I have changed and I am worthy of you. You have my heart, Bella. It's yours to do with as you wish, but fuck how many times do I have to tell you that I love you before you will believe me?"

"Just once more?" Bella said softly, as her words came out sounding like both a statement and a question.

I looked at her darkened eyes and moved my leg in between hers before pressing my entire body against her, my lips desperate for hers once again. I reached my hands up and cupped her face tenderly as I leaned in and kissed her gently on her mouth. I then began kissing across her tear stained cheek to her ear lobe, which I sucked into my mouth as she let out a moan of arousal. I knew that moan so fucking well, because it had haunted me for years, but it sounded a million times better now.

"I'm so fucking in love with you. I need you. I desire you. Being without you has been killing me slowly and I refuse to do it anymore. You fucking own me… heart, body and soul, Bella. Tell me I have a chance," I said solemnly as I pulled my face away from hers for just a moment, my breath caught in my throat as I waited for her to respond. The tension was thick as I watched her eyes stare into mine, as though she was searching for something.

Suddenly, her small hands were around my neck as she stood on her tip toes and pushed her lips hard against mine. I didn't over think anything, I just let my entire soul feel her kissing me as I reached my hands around her waist and pulled her closer to me and she jumped slightly, wanting to wrap herself around me. Who was I to deny her? I grasped her hips and lifted her against the door, my hands moving to clutch her thighs as I ground my hard cock against her, our lips frantically moving against each other as her hands ran down the expanse of my back.

"Take me to your bed, Edward," Bella said breathily into my ear as my heart ached in my chest and I pulled her back slightly. She had been sucking on my neck as I literally dry humped her against my door, but I felt a twinge of uncertainty run through me.

"I didn't do any of this so I could get you into my bed."

"Do you love me?"

"Without a doubt."

"Then show me," Bella declared firmly as she wriggled out of my grasp and stepped onto the floor. She moved into the living room and perched her foot on the arm of my couch and slowly unzipped her left boot, before doing the same with her right, revealing a pair of dark blue knee high socks. She tossed the boots casually on the floor and then grasped at the hem of her sweater dress. She was about to pull it over her head when I stepped forward and stilled her hands.

"Let me," I said lowly as she nodded her head, taking her bottom lip between her teeth as I kneeled down before her and my hands skimmed the top of her socks before ghosting slowly up her legs, feeling her silky soft skin to her thighs. The further my hands moved up her gorgeous body, the more I pushed her dress up her stunning body. I reluctantly stood and pulled the dress off of her, dropping it onto the floor beside us as I moved to kneel back down, kissing across her body as I went.

Starting at her collarbones, I licked gently and kissed the soft skin as I began peppering kisses across the swell of her breasts, which I massaged gently. My thumbs moved reverently over her hard peaks, pinching them through the lace of her bra before I wrapped my mouth over one, sucking and tugging it between my teeth as Bella groaned loudly and her hands threaded between my hair, my body shuddering in excitement as she touched me. This was something I had been hoping and praying for, and now that it happening, I wasn't going to rush worshipping her.

After I sucked her other peak into my mouth, giving it equal attention, I continued kissing down her slender body, until I was kneeling before her. The cream lace of her panties literally calling out to me as Bella leaned her hands back on the arm of the couch and I lightly ghosted my hands down her inner thigh, past her calve until I found her foot and lifted it gently onto my shoulder. I was desperate to taste her.

"Edward," Bella said softly as I leaned in and skimmed my nose along the seam of her panties, which I couldn't even be bothered to take off at that moment. I grasped the fabric between my fingers and pushed it roughly to the side as my tongue darted out and began encircling her clit, teasing her. "Oh fuck."

I looked up at Bella, who was focused on me, watching as I ravished her with my tongue. One hand remained in my hair, pulling me closer to her wet pussy which I was lapping at intensely while my fingers flicked and rubbed at her hard clit. Bella's sweet moans, sighs and continued tugging on my hair spurred me on as I eased two fingers inside of her, pumping them furiously as I latched my mouth around her clit, sucking as though my life depended on it.

I could feel her legs shaking around me as Bella's back arched and she let go of my hair, her fingers gripping the couch tightly as she called out my name over and over again as she came violently around me. My tongue eagerly licked around my lips, tasting more of her as I eased her leg back onto the ground and stood up, my cock practically fighting to get out of my jeans. Bella opened her eyes and smirked at me as she grasped the back of my head and pulled me against, her kissing me wildly. "I've missed you," she said genuinely as I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I walked us into my bedroom.

"I've missed you so fucking much," I admitted without shame as I laid her down across my bed and Bella sat back on her elbows, watching me as I yanked my shirt off and threw it across the room. My hands went to my jeans and I began to unbuckle them, but my eyes were firmly focused on the woman in front of me, who had clearly changed since I saw her last. She was sexier, more confident and unafraid, which was also very appealing. As I pushed my jeans and boxers down, my cock springing free happily, Bella sat up and lifted her legs, beginning to pull down her socks. I immediately reached my hands up and stilled her. "Those are staying on."

Bella nodded her head in acquiescence as I kneeled on the bed before her and reached my hands up to hook into the waistband of her panties, yanking them off in one quick movement. Bella parted her legs and I may have stared for a moment at her glistening wet slit, before moving forward on the bed to hover over her almost naked body. "The bra has to go," I said sternly as Bella just smiled at me, expecting me to do it for her. I pushed the straps down her shoulders and then pulled the lace away from her peaks, to cup her ample breasts. "Fucking gorgeous," I whispered as I bent my head down and sucked one of her firm pink nipples into my mouth, biting it as I felt her hand wrap around my throbbing cock, causing me to hiss.

It had been so fucking long since someone other than me has touched my cock that it almost made me cum immediately. However, thankfully, Bella had different ideas and after stroking me for a moment, she reached up and unclasped her bra, dropping it onto the floor. "Condom?" she questioned in a whisper as I quickly realized I didn't have any. Of course I didn't fucking have any! The last girl I slept with was the next girl I was going to sleep with and hopefully the last girl I would ever sleep with.

I let out a groan of frustration as I sat back, Bella's hand releasing me. "I don't," I replied as I grasped at my hair and Bella's hands covered mine, pulling them loose.

"It's ok."

"No, it's not ok. You have no idea how much I have wanted this… wanted you. Fuck, I went four years without sex; of course I don't have any condoms here. I would go check with Emmett, but he and Rosalie are trying for kids, so there's a big no."

"Edward," Bella said as she sat up and kissed my lips soundly. "Just love me." I looked at her with wide eyes, knowing full well what she was saying and before I could reply, she grasped my cock again and lowered herself onto me, my entire body shaking in excitement as I felt her hot tight pussy encompass my cock. "By the way," she whispered into my ear as her hands found purchase on my shoulders and mine grasped her small waist tightly. "I haven't been with anyone else in four years either."

I growled as I moved her lithe body up and down on my aching shaft. I was trying to be gentle, but knowing that she had waited, although not necessarily for me, made it hard for me to focus. Being inside her without any barrier also made it difficult for me to think because it felt like Bella was made just for me. She was tight, hot and so perfect wrapped around me.

"I love you," I whispered without remorse as her hands wrapped around my neck and she clung tightly to me as I slowed my movements slightly. It didn't escape me that Bella hadn't said it back, and it might be years until she was ready, but I knew I would wait. I wrapped my arm around her and laid her on my bed, under me, kissing her passionately as I thrust in and out of her. "You are so fucking perfect for me. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Fuck, I've wanted you so much," Bella said with a groan as I lifted one of her hands above her head, pressing it into my pillows. "You haunted my dreams."

"I would do anything for you," I growled as her legs entwined around my waist, pushing me into her deeper. "Oh fuck… I almost forgot how fucking good you felt. Unbelievable. Beautiful. Stunning." I suddenly stopped as I moved my hand between us, and stroked Bella's clit, before picking up the pace and moving in her harder. "My dreams did not do you justice."

Bella arched her back under me and began chanting my name as she came, bringing about my own release which overwhelmed me. Then again, it had been four years in the making. I fell back on my bed, my heart beat erratic and my mind completely mixed up because I had just made love to the girl of my dreams, the love of my existence, but I had no idea what it meant for us.

I reached over and pulled Bella into my side, her head resting on my chest, as we both struggled to calm down. I was about to speak when Bella said the very thing that was on my mind.

"Now what do we do?"

********

**A/N: Did you miss me? LOL. I'm back again with another update and a reminder that I am currently up for auction in the Eclipse Edition of the Fandom Gives Back Auction. I already sold all my one-shots/outtakes, but you can sill buy chapters of Room 15 if you are so inclined. An outtake from Maybe I'm Falling For You is also up for auction, but that is under the profile of my collaborator Flightlessbird11.**

The next chapter of Sundrenched World will be the last chapter. I know, I can't believe it's over. Unless someone wants me to write an outtake from SW as part of FGB Eclipse, I will not be expanding it. I'd like to think I can wrap everything up with a nice bow in the final chapter. Now show me some love and maybe I will update faster. LOL


	12. Epilogue

**A/N: So, this is it. The epilogue. I told you in the beginning that it would be short and even though we all know I can be a wordy bitch, I followed through on my promise. You never know, there may be future takes or outtakes from this story eventually. I guess it all depends on the lovely ladies who bought my services in the FGB auction and if they want more.**

**As per usual, a big thanks to my beta MaggieMay14 for beta'd this during the middle of an allergic reaction! I love my pre-readers Risbee, flightlessbird11 and forgethesong. You girls rock.**

**I don't own the stuff SM owns. I just own these words.**

_Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always  
Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always  
Oh I need you to know today I'll wait for you always_

When I find you...  
When I find you...

...I'll find me

_-When You Find Me by Joshua Radin_

**EPOV**

Jared narrowed his eyes in my direction and I could tell he was frustrated with me. This was nothing new though. I was trying to pull my weight, helping out as best as I could. Things were hectic most days, but I wouldn't have changed anything for the world. I was with Bella and that was what mattered most to me.

"Dude, just leave it. I'll get someone else to get it into the truck," Jared sighed in exasperation as I stood up and groaned loudly in response. This is how things had gone all summer and it was beginning to test my patience. I would do my best to pitch in and help Bella's crew, even though I didn't need to, but Jared would act like I was completely fucking useless. I usually took his abuse with a grain of salt, remembering that Bella was with me after her set each night and Jared was just jealous, but I was beginning to reach my breaking point.

"Listen Jared, I know you don't like me…"

"Understatement of the century," he mumbled. Unfortunately, it wasn't quiet enough that I didn't hear him.

"You don't have to like me, but you need to come to grips with the fact that I'm not going anywhere unless Bella tells me to leave," I said emphatically as Jared rolled his eyes and one of the other crew members walked by and took the amp I had been trying to roll into the truck and finished the job for me. Jared looked smug that I never got to finish my task; though it was his fault I was sidetracked to begin with. I knew I could have got it done without his interruption. However, I did have one thing I could feel smug about, my Bella. I raised my mouth into a sly grin before speaking. "And don't expect Bella to tell me to leave… ever."

"She'll tire of your antics soon enough and see you for the douche you are, Edward," Jared replied with a wide smile on his face. "Bella isn't an idiot and I have no idea why she took you back based on your history together, which Jacob told me all about by the way. She'll smarten up and realize you are more of a liability and that you aren't worthy of her. Bella needs someone who is a little more supportive of her career."

"How the fuck am I hindering her career, Jared? Last time I checked, I've been nothing but encouraging of everything," I said bitterly. Jared was clearly trying to unload all of his baggage regarding our current situation onto me, but I wasn't having any of it. I knew he wanted Bella and wasn't shy about stating his intentions, but I was here because Bella asked me to be, and I wasn't leaving. Not for anything.

"She's lost her focus, Edward."

"Fuck you, Jared," Bella commented as she walked up from behind, catching both of us off guard. She had been in her dressing room being interviewed for a local radio station in Buffalo, where we currently were. We were sleeping in the city tonight and then heading to Rochester for the next two days of shows. She looked tired and pissed off, so I was glad Jared was facing angry Bella and not me. "If I wanted your opinion of how things were going on the tour with Edward and me, I would have asked for it. I want him here. Right now, I'm not sure I can say the same of you."

Jared groaned in frustration and lamely apologized to Bella for speaking out of turn, but he never apologized to me. Not that I expected it. Bella brushed him off and stared him down for a moment. "Last time I checked, you should be getting the gear into the truck so we can leave. Since you are clearly behind because you were chastising my boyfriend, he and I are going to grab a cab back to the hotel. We'll see you at 10 in the morning in the lobby to head to Rochester."

Bella was becoming quite the ball buster with Jared lately. Ever since I had joined her on tour, which was currently scheduled for the remainder of the summer and part of the early fall, she had been watching him like a hawk. I was trying not to rock the boat with my presence on the tour, choosing to stay in the background as much as possible, but Jared clearly thought I was some sort of Yoko Ono type who was trying to weasel my way into their good graces by helping out the crew. Truth was that I was just helping so we would leave the venue sooner and I had more time at the end of each night with my girl. Bella knew this too, which is why she was keeping her eye on Jared.

"So, what did he say to you?" Bella questioned as we walked to the front of the club, where she had the manager call us a cab to take us back to our hotel. "Was he even more of an asshole than usual?"

"Same ol' shit, babe. He clearly thought he had a chance with you before I came back into the picture and he's more than a little jealous about it. It's nothing I can't handle," I said with a tired sigh. I was beginning to wish Jared would just go away, but he was important to Bella and her tour, and there was no way I was going to do anything to jeopardize it.

The day I officially came back into the picture was a joyous one for me, but one fraught with anxiety for Bella. After we made love for the first time in four years, after her final concert in Chicago during March, we decided to give us a go again and I for one was more than excited. I may have even jumped off my bed in happiness. However, we had a few things to contend with first, like our jobs.

Bella and I managed a few hours sleep and when we woke the next morning, we agreed that I would stay in Chicago and finish out the semester. Once school was done, she invited me to spend my summer on tour with her. From early June to September she was playing almost 70 shows in various cities across the country, and wasn't going to have much downtime that didn't include traveling, but I jumped at the chance to be with her. I needed to demonstrate to her how much I had changed and show her just how much I loved her. Every second counted in my mission to get back into her good graces.

Being apart was difficult for the first few months, so I found myself dipping into my savings and flying out to places like Tacoma and Salt Lake City to see her perform during her spring tour when I couldn't be away from her any longer. We had hours of phone calls, online chats, emails and Skype to tide us over in the periods we were apart, but it was unbearable. The more time I spent with Bella, the more I realized how instrumental she was in my happiness. Sure, I enjoyed being a teacher, but I loved being in her presence more.

Our calls and emails were very laid back, but I continued to make my intentions known to her. I always ended my emails with 'I love you' even if Bella didn't say it back to me. I knew she did, based on her actions and the fact that she wanted us to try and be together. I knew I had to win back her trust, so I did as much as I could to assure her that I was serious about everything.

It was now mid-July and I had to make a decision soon – stay with Bella on our tour till it ended in late September or go back to Chicago by the end of August to prepare for the semester ahead. I wasn't ready to decide yet, and I didn't know how Bella felt about the situation either. Was I willing to give up everything I had built professionally for her? Where did she see herself a few years from now and was I included in her dreams?

"Jared has been told what his job is repeatedly. If he thinks interfering in my life is part of his job description, then I'll find someone else to do the job that isn't so nosy," Bella declared as we stepped outside into the humid Buffalo night just as a cab pulled to the curb. I helped her inside, pulling her warm body to my side, as I gave the driver the name of our hotel.

"Bella, you know you don't want to fire him. He's your friend."

"Friend or not, this is business. Ben keeps reminding me that if I want to succeed I need to be able to differentiate between the two and this is a prime example." Ben was Bella's new manager that she had signed with a month earlier and he was actually a pretty decent guy. He was in the midst of negotiating a record deal for her with Atlantic Records, which would be a great jump for her from her indie label. Her contract with the indie company was due to end in October, after the tour had ended, so she was eager to solidify her plans for the future and so was I.

"I just don't want you to do something you will regret in the long term, babe."

"I know," she finished with a sigh as she laid her head on my shoulders and I stroked her hair softly. She looked exhausted following her set and adding the interview afterwards wasn't exactly the brightest idea. I had even mentioned it to Ben after he informed us it had been booked and he promised to try and schedule everything prior to her shows, so that she could relax a bit. It seemed like Bella's life never allowed her a few moments to herself, and I was actually thankful we had a few days off following Rochester, because she desperately needed it.

Bella was almost on the verge of falling asleep when we reached the hotel and I quickly paid our driver and helped her out of the cab and up to our room. Rather than do what we usually did after her shows, which was make love until we fell asleep wrapped around each other, I helped Bella undress and lifted her into our bed to sleep. She needed her rest a hell of a lot more than I did.

"You take really good care of me," Bella said sleepily as I kissed her forehead and pulled away.

"You deserve it and so much more."

As she turned onto her side, a small smile crept across her face as she saw me bend down beside her and smooth her hair away from her face. "I love you," she said, catching me by surprise, as my heart burst with happiness. I had never pressured Bella to say anything in return to me when I confessed my love repeatedly, but it was nice to know she felt the same as me.

"I know you do baby. I love you too, so fucking much."

"I know," she replied with a yawn as she fell asleep and I undressed, crawling into bed behind her to spoon her body against mine.

The next few days flew by quickly and I found myself excited at the prospect of four days in New York City with Bella. She had a week of shows at the Bowery Ballroom following her four days of rest, but I thought being in the city would energize her somewhat, so I was looking forward to it. On the morning we arrived at our hotel, the W at Union Square, Bella had a meeting with Ben and then she was free for the rest of the day. While Bella and Ben talked specifics on the possible switch to Atlantic, I logged onto my computer and checked on things back in Chicago.

Kate & Marcus had finally had their baby, a little boy they called Riley, who was literally the center of their universe. When I opened my first email, I was bombarded by images of him with his chubby cheeks and bright green eyes, he was simply adorable. I wrote Kate back a quick message letting her know how I was doing and telling her I was unsure when I was coming back. I didn't think she would be surprised that I was so happy. Kate and Bella had yet to meet, but I figured it was just a matter of time. When I knew we would be back near Chicago, I would definitely schedule a dinner between all of us.

Jasper's latest email was next and he didn't have too much to say. He wanted me to send his love to Bella and he hoped that I had found what I was looking for. He had also attached a photo, one of him and Maria at Wrigley Field before a Cubs game. He had a smile on his face that was unmistakable and I was happy he found someone to make him smile so brightly. I was sure Bella made me smile in the exact same way, and hoped he found the same love with Maria that I had found with Bella. I replied quickly that he looked happy and promised him some photos from the next few days of Bella and me in New York. Jasper was hoping to drive out to see us at one of Bella's mid-west shows and planned to bring Maria with him, so we had that to look forward to.

My final important email, minus all the ones trying to sell me Viagra or cheap Canadian meds, was from Emmett and all it said was: 'I finally did it, my swimmers are champs!' I was so fucking confused that I decided to give him a quick call, only to find out that he and Rosalie were finally pregnant.

"Dude, that's awesome," I replied excitedly as Rosalie shouted something in the background I couldn't quite make out. "What's going on there?"

"Oh, Rosie is all pissed I told you. She said she didn't want to let anyone know until her first triad was over or something like that."

"I think you mean trimester."

"How do you know that?"

"Kate told me way too much about baby stuff, more than I ever wanted to know to be honest. I guess it's the downfall of having your best friend be female and your cousin," I said with a laugh as Emmett joined in. "So, how far along is Rosalie?"

"Two months. She's due late January and is already worrying about what the weather will be like when it comes time to go to the hospital." Emmett and I continued talking for the next thirty minutes, throwing out my plan for a quick phone call. Luckily, Bella and Ben's meeting ran a little bit later than expected, so I didn't feel like I was losing out on any time with her. However, talking to Emmett about his future moving forward made me feel like I was standing still. Here was all my friends having children, finding love again and just living their lives and I was following my girl on tour. I wasn't doing much of anything really, if I was being brutally honest.

As soon as Bella's meeting was through, it was lunch time and we decided to take a cab uptown to Central Park, grab some lunch and just lounge around since it was such a nice day. I snagged Bella's guitar and took it with us since we weren't planning to do much in the park anyways, just relax. We bought some sandwiches, salads and drinks from a small café near the park and settled on a bench near the Alice in Wonderland statue on the east side of the park.

As we ate in comfortable silence, the mid afternoon sun peeking through the trees, I decided it was time to broach the topic of our future. After all, it had been almost four months that we had been back together, even though most of it was long distance. I was shocked when Bella brought up the topic before me.

"So, how have you enjoyed being on tour with me? Do you miss Chicago?" she asked as she took a bite of her turkey sandwich and stared out at the water in front of us. She was nervous in asking, I could tell and I was curious to know where her thoughts were coming from. I wondered briefly if Ben had said anything detrimental, but then decided against it since he was in favor of us being together. He thought I calmed her during the stressful times and I hoped that was the case. "I mean… I know this is a big change, but do you like it?"

"I like parts of being on tour with you," I admitted honestly as I draped one arm over the back of the bench and she nestled into my side. "I love seeing you perform each night, your smile bright as you take the stage and are completely in your element. You were meant to do this, Bella."

"But…?"

"But… I don't know what you want from me. When we decided back in Chicago to give us another try, we never discussed anything long term, and I wasn't looking for anything then. In fact, I wasn't sure what I was looking for other than you. I can see now that you won't be moving back to Chicago, not for any length of time anyways, so I just wonder what you see… in your future?"

"Why can't it be our future?"

"I don't know if you want a future with me, Bella. We haven't exactly talked specifically about our relationship since Chicago. We've just been sort of going with the flow and letting things happen, and I know it sounds weird coming from me of all people, but I want to know where we are going. Where _you_ see us going and where _you _want us to go?" I let out a small sigh and then finished the last bite of my sandwich as I felt Bella's hand rest on my leg.

"You've been really great about all this uncertainty in my life, Edward," Bella said slowly and I was suddenly struck with an irrational sense of fear. What if she was breaking up with me? What if I wasn't what _she_ wanted, even though she was everything _I_ wanted? "And you're right, my life is crazy and we have sorta just let things happen for us, but I know you have changed from the person you were before."

"Yeah, but does that…" I began to ask as Bella interrupted me.

"Let me just say this okay?" I nodded my head and Bella took a deep breath beside me. "I want us, in whatever way I can get it. But at the same time, I don't think you are 100% happy following me around on tour all summer long. I don't know what the fall will hold for me, but I know I will not be touring between late September and January. If this thing with Atlantic happens, I will be in the studio prepping a new album."

"That would be awesome for you," I stated excitedly, not even caring about the repercussions of how this would work for us.

"Yeah, it would be great for my career, but not necessarily for us… as a couple." I nodded my head in understanding as Bella's hand stroked my leg softly and I tried not to worry about her dumping me, because I could sense it was about to happen. "Can I ask you something bluntly? Where do you see us in a few years? If you could have everything you ever wanted, what would it be?"

I was quiet for a moment as I contemplated my answer as best as I could. "I could simply say that I would just want you in my life, but that wouldn't be enough to describe it. I don't see a future without you in it. You and I living together in Chicago, raising our kids together and tackling all challenges head on with nothing but honesty. You would still write, sing and play music and I would teach. However, my grand plans don't exactly seem so feasible these days."

"You want kids with me?" Bella asked incredulously as I nodded my head slowly.

"I want everything with you. The big wedding, the white picket fence and the little musically inclined babies who are just as beautiful as you… everything. I know, I'm asking for a lot."

"What if I said I wanted that too, I just wasn't sure how to get it?" My mouth literally dropped open at her remark. She didn't want to break up with me; she wanted me as much as I did her. "When the tour is finished in September, I'm heading back to Chicago and if Ben can make it happen, I will record the new album there. Lots of great musicians have recorded in Chicago and Ben knows a great little studio I could record in that was used in the past by Frank Black, Smashing Pumpkins and even Wilco. I may have gotten a little excited when he told me."

"What about touring?"

"I don't have to tour every single day, Edward."

"Yeah, but you will be gone for long periods of time, right?"

"So? You can take a year off and come with me or we can just be apart for a little bit. I know you love molding young minds and teaching them about English, but I think we can manage to make something work… don't you?"

"The fact that you are willing to try and make a future with me literally makes me giddy with happiness."

"Giddy with happiness? Who says that shit?" Bella laughed as I leaned in and kissed her soundly on the lips to shut her up. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me, our lips opening to explore each other excitedly. However, the sound of a throat clearing from beside us made me reluctantly pull away from her. When we both looked up, we found ourselves staring into the excited brown eyes of a girl who couldn't be more than nineteen years old. She looked nervous as hell.

"Um… I'm really sorry to interrupt, but are you Bella Swan?"

"Yes," Bella declared sweetly, clearly not fazed by the fact that she was just noticed by a fan. In fact, said fan was now holding out a small notebook with a pen, shaking slightly as she asked for Bella's signature.

"I am a huge fan, and I'm sure you get this a lot, but your music is really inspiring to me," the girl gushed as Bella requested her name and personalized the message to her. "I've got tickets to one of the shows at the Bowery next week. I'm sure it will be epic."

"Thanks so much, I'm so glad that you are enjoying my music. I hope you like the show."

"Oh I'm sure I will," the girl replied happily before leaning in to Bella and whispering something in her ear. Bella just laughed and nodded her head, thanking the girl for her support before she ran off, excitedly telling her group of friends who were waiting that she had just met Bella Swan. It was very surreal to watch the entire scene go down because I had never once thought about Bella's fame until that moment.

"What did she whisper to you?" I questioned curiously as Bella grabbed my hand tightly in hers and pulled me to stand up with her. She reached for her guitar and I let her guide me along a pathway to a secluded area where she urged me to sit down against a tree. I did as she wanted, because I simply couldn't deny her anything, and she sat between my legs, her guitar perched on her lap as she strummed the strings aimlessly for a moment. "So, are you going to tell me what the fan girl said to you?" I questioned again as Bella turned around to face me and she kissed my chin sweetly.

"She told me that my boyfriend was hot," laughed Bella as she began playing her guitar and I reached up, stilling her fingers against the frets.

"Seriously?" I asked incredulously as Bella kissed my lips tenderly as her body relaxed against mine and I wrapped my free hand around her waist, holding her tight against my body. I even let out a small sigh of pure happiness as Bella leaned her head back against my shoulder and we fit perfectly together.

"Yeah, seriously. I told her you were much more than my boyfriend… you were my life."

**Yup. That's it. Thanks for reading! I've loved reading all your reviews and thoughts on this story, so don't stop now! **

**Expect to see a new story, the expansion of Room 15, before you know it. The first chapter is already with my beta. Thanks to all the lovely ladies who purchased chapters as part of FGB. You guys own me!**


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